New here!(4)

Cecidlp

Hey everyone, my name is Cecilia. I'm from Argentina, but I'm currently living in Barcelona. 

I've decided to join this group cause I came to visit my family, and even though they've already warned me about my dad's dementia, it's the first time I've seen it. 

I haven't been able to visit him with all the COVID situation, so I haven't been around when he was diagnosed (beginning of this year). My siblings have started to notice all these things before I did, but for me everything is new. I don't really know what I'm looking here, I guess just a bit of support. It's really hard to see my dad suffering this, forgetting everything and asking over and over the same questions. The other day we've realized someone stole his credit card info and bought a lot of stuff over the internet. So everything is a bit frustrating. He also forgets words, and the other day he referred to me as her "granddaughter" instead of daughter (although I know he knows I'm his daughter, and it was just a word mistake). Both my parents are neurologists, so I've always heard about their patients with dementia, but it's even harder once you experience it. 

Anyway, any recommendations or advice you can give me? I feel guilty I can't live closer to him, I also can't travel as often as I would like to. Anyone can relate? With the long distance situation? How can I help as much as possible, living in another country? I don't know if it makes a difference, but my dad is 86 yo, he has been working until last year, and he was great until all the COVID situation, he started to get depressed because he couldn't go out and then suddenly all the dementia symptoms became evident...

Thank you for reading me 

Rae Ann

Tough going here. It is challenging, at best. There's no magic answer. Get as much help as you can talking to him online. Accept that today was his best day. Good luck. Talk to others.

loveskitties

Hi,

Being in another country, your options are limited as to what you can do for your father.  Video chat will keep your face out there, but don't be surprised if he really no longer understands that you are his daughter.  

But you can be of help to your siblings who, I imagine, are the ones providing oversight and care.  They will need your emotional support as they deal with the changes on a routine basis.

You might want to suggest that they join this site.  It is a wealth of information and support for those whose LO has dementia.

Wishing you all the best.

M1

I'm sure there's a touch of sad irony to see a neurologist succumb to dementia. I'm also glad you got to visit now. I think its a great idea to steer your siblings here, hopefully it will help them too. Wishing you well-

star26

Hi Cecilia,  I lived far away from my Dad too, and I remember that first visit when I saw the symptoms. It was a bit shocking and very sad. I remember crying several times especially on the day I had to leave. Shortly after, I moved to take care of him because he didn't have any other family nearby. My Dad was diagnosed around the same age as your Dad. There's nothing positive about it, but I am grateful at least that it tends to progress a lot slower when diagnosed in old age and that very old people are more likely to die from something else before reaching advanced dementia. I also noticed that I seemed to be more upset about it than my Dad and he lost awareness of his problems.  

I think you can be a big help to your Dad and family by staying in close phone or email contact with your Mom and local siblings. If they know they can call you regularly or anytime just to have someone to listen, support, or discuss ideas, that can help a lot. If you know what some of the problems are, you may think of other ways you can contribute as well. My support person, who was a family member that lived far away, would mail my Dad cards, magazines he enjoyed, and little gifts. It gave my Dad something to do and talk about and a relief for me because I didn't have much time or energy to gift shop for him. My sister who lived far away would sometimes mail dementia appropriate games that Dad and I could do together. Her husband also notified us when all the football games were on TV. It sounds small but these little things really were helpful because I didn't have the time to do these things and they improved the quality of my Dad's life - which also helped me too. 

Take Care. 

Cecidlp

Thnk you so much for your reply, it's really helpful  

tessamcl

Hello everyone,

If you are a primary dementia family caregiver for someone living at home with dementia (that is, someone who is performing the majority of the caregiving for the individual) we would like to invite you to complete a survey for our research study ‘Quality of life of primary family caregivers for persons with dementia: Investigating the impact of and considerations for the utilization of secondary support services

Your response is greatly appreciated. If you are interested, click on this link  https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/QOLdementia 

Thank you for your time,

Brenda Anguiano, B.A.

Tessa McLoughney, B.A.

Myrah Rafay, B.Sc.

Darci Becker, PhD, CCC-SLP