Caregiver Engagement

PanamaFarmer

I am fairly new to this forum and I am very happy there is such a community with so much support and understanding. My mother has vascular dementia. She is an active 86 years old. I am very big on natural, organic lifestyle composed of exercise, whole foods, good sleep and no stress as her protocol. Mom is also not the friendliest and changes her mood often. I have a nurse caregiver that comes several days a week for 8 hours and I have given her a list of things I'd like her to do with my mom. I noticed the caregiver is not as engaged and prefers to clean the kitchen or just periodically check on mom in her room every 30 minutes instead of actually spending time with her. I'd prefer her to listen to the music with her, dance with her, play puzzles, paint or play cards with her. Yes, the kitchen is always clean and the meals are good but am I asking too much for a caregiver to spend more time with my mom. Or should I be satisfied as there aren't many uproars and the caregiver quietly stays away from her time to time?

M1

I'd be satisfied with what you have I think.  Probably too much to expect on the engagement front unless you're paying very high wages for it as a specific part of the job description.  And your mother's ability to engage is only going to decrease.  I'd leave well enough alone.....

star26

I think I know what you're talking about. I had caregivers that were professional, responsible, and competent in other areas but they seemed to only be interested in doing the bare minimum when interacting with my Dad. They would leave him alone and only check on him. My activity ideas and encouragement to spend time with him did not make a difference. They had excuses, barely tried, and seemed to be thrilled with any refusal from my Dad. In my experience, they just don't want to do it, they're not comfortable with it, and if they need us to tell them what to do and prod them about it, then they just don't have what it takes in this area. I just accepted it for a while because it was hard to find caregivers in my area, I wasn't sure if I could do better, and I appreciated the things they were good at. I had to suddenly terminate the employment of one of them when my Dad required extra help with hygiene and wound care. I discovered that she had the same "bare minimum" attitude in these areas as well and that was what made me realize that I should have replaced her from the very beginning because all the signs were there. 

Not all caregivers are like this. I had others that naturally spent time with my Dad and saw this as a main part of their job and they almost seemed to enjoy the challenge of seeing if they could get him engaged in a new activity or conversation. He was very apathetic and could be grumpy if pressed. They had the right personality for this and most importantly, the desire, and they were successful in forming a connection and getting my Dad engaged and giving him some laughs, smiles, and variety. Even if they just watched TV together or read a book by my Dad's side while he napped, it made a difference.

That said, I had trouble finding one caregiver that had everything: availability, medical skills, good at cooking and cleaning, and good at engagement with my Dad. Because I have limited caregivers in my area, I had to piece together what I could. Some days I knew that my Dad would be fed and someone was there in an emergency, but I couldn't count on much else. On other days he would have constant companionship and I'd come home to find them in the yard involved with something and having a good time, but the house would be messy. 

So, I guess this is a whole lot of talking to say "I feel your pain but don't have any easy answers!" 

Iris L.

There are two different categories of caregiver, although the terms are the same.  One caregiver focuses on home care, such as housecleaning, cooking, laundry, and so forth.  The other caregiver will engage mostly with the patient and do little housework.  Your caregiver appears to be the former.

How active is mom really?  What is doing in her room?  Why is she in her room?  She should be in the living room.  If she were in a facility she would be in the common areas.

Iris L.