need to talk

Mousey

my husband is undiagnosed but has all the symptoms. I don't think he will agree to get tested.

besides the dementia or alzheimers he is on dialysis three times a week and other health issues.

my husband is 82 and i am 71. I don't know what to feed him he may eat something one day and the next day he doesn't like it. I feel like he should eat as healthy as possible but he doesn't want any veggies. the one thing he will eat is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

I don't have the partner and companionship I thought I would have. he doesn't talk much. plays solitare on the computer and watches TV/ I don't like routines especially since I'm retired. I am outgoing and love being around people. The pandemic hasn't helped at all.

I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE I WANT TO TRAVEL. I WANT TO LIVE MY BEST LIFE

We have ben married not quite 3 years and his health has spiraled significantly. As you all know this is so hard.

thanks for listening

Stuck in the middle

No reason to feel guilty for wanting a life.  I'm 74 and pretty much in the same boat.  I just feed her what she wants to eat, add multivitamins to her daily medicines, and slog along.  DW is playing solitaire on a computer as I write this.  The excitement is underwhelming.

dayn2nite2

Who made the choice for dialysis and why?  It’s a pretty miserable existence.

Let him eat what he wants.  Why bother with eating “healthy” when you’re at the end of life?

JDancer

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this after three short years of marriage.

My situation is very similar after 38 years of marriage. 

JDancer

dayn2nite2 wrote:

Who made the choice for dialysis and why?  It’s a pretty miserable existence.

Let him eat what he wants.  Why bother with eating “healthy” when you’re at the end of life?

I agree.

Ed1937

Mousey wrote:

I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE I WANT TO TRAVEL. I WANT TO LIVE MY BEST LIFE

Mousey, welcome to the forum. Sorry you are dealing with this. Every one of us wants what you do -  the best life. But there's nothing to feel guilty about there. We're all human.

If you haven't already seen a certified elder law attorney (CELA), you really should consider doing that ASAP.

Mousey

Thanks for replying I'm close to tears most of the time. His daughter is here when i need a break. I moved to a different state to be with him and I miss my family and friends so much. I try to get back home as often as possibles. he'll text me before I even get to the airport telling me how much he misses me.........sigh

Mousey

He made the choice before I got here. Thanks thats wwhat I'm going to do feed him what he wants

Mousey

Thanks for the info regarding CELA. I'm going to work hard on not feeling guility. I take the best care of him that I can

dayn2nite2

Mousey, I’m going to give you a suggestion for a time when either his kidneys are totally failing or if he becomes sick from something else.

Comfort care.  No IV antibiotic, no surgery, no dialysis.  If you are asked to make decisions on his behalf because he can’t, just stop everything and treat only for agitation and pain.  It would be a kindness.  

You also might want to have him evaluated by hospice.

Mousey

Thanks so much for the info