Mom didn’t know me

Saya_G

I’ve always known it would happen. There have been times when I wondered if she knew who I was, but wasn’t quite sure. Today she point blank asked me if we were related. I hugged her, kissed on the head and said yes. She was so excited to have discovered a connection, she asked me if “she” - my sister - knew we were related too? I said yes, she knows. 

Even knowing it would happen - it hurts.

Saya_G

wyoming daughter

Hi Saya_G.  My mom only knows me and my husband now, although like you, sometimes I wonder, but I haven't experienced the definite "mom doesn't know me".  I'm glad you hugged and kissed her when you told her yes, and that it made her happy, even for a moment.  I hope the hurt is softened knowing that.

Saya_G

Thank you Wyoming Daughter. I hate this disease.

dayn2nite2

I know for a fact that the last couple of years of her life my mother did not know what my relationship to her was.  I hated when people at the NH would say "do you know who this is?" because she would become anxious, not knowing the answer.  I told all the staff to please stop doing that to her, asking "test" questions.

What I did know was that she knew I was a nice person and her eyes would fix on me when I came into the room, she loved holding hands and hugging.  That was enough.

I always felt fortunate that my mom wasn't always angry at me or yelling at me.  If they seem relatively content and okay with being with you, that's enough.

ChicagoGal

My dad died last November and mom came to stay with me for a couple of weeks.  That's when I realized that she does not know that she has a daughter and a son.  Since then she claims that she knows I am her daughter because I told her - and says the same about my brother.  But I don't think she quite understands what that means.  On the other hand she remembers miniscule details about her life.  What a horrible disease this is

Tauruslady511

I’m so sorry.  I can relate.  As of late, my mom does not know me either.  She calls my name, but thinks I’m her sister and that they’re much younger.  It’s so incredibly hard to have a parent no longer know you. Mom also asks for her parents and deceased siblings.  My dad died 3 years ago (they were divorced); my mom made a terrible scene, at his funeral.  This disease just really sucks!

PanamaFarmer

Do not give up as my Mother was in a NH in 2020 when the pandemic hit and was so isolated for so many months. She had aged terribly and didn't know that I was her daughter. Fast forward to December 2020, I brought her to my organic farm and fed her all organic grown food, fresh air, mountain water and lots of peace and quiet. Several months later with a lifestyle change and some natural supplements, she can't stop calling my name and saying how blessed she is to have a wonderful daughter. Not to mention she looks 10 years younger.  Yes, this is a terrible disease but the joyful moments when things turnaround or are prolonged is such a blessing in the right environment.

rzrbaxfan

It's like a kick in the gut.  I hate when that happens.  My mom regularly calls me by another name.  Sometimes she calls me by my Dad's name, but this other name has no connection to anyone in her past.

The worst time for me was when she asked if I heard from my brother anymore.  My brother committed suicide 20 years ago and while we as a family held it together and moved on, I buried a ton of guilt inside that no one ever saw.  For a brief moment, my mom's mind fluttered to a time when he was still alive, which forced me think of who he'd be today had he got his stuff together.

Hold strong.  Remember it's the disease and not the person.

Saya_G

Thank you all for your kind supportive replies. They truly mean a lot. 

God Bless all the loved ones whose names their loved ones have forgotten, for they are the ones that have to remember the love and connections we have for both our LO and ourselves. 

Dementia is an evil foe. 

Mlewis501

My mom does not know me as her daughter anymore.  Yes, it hurts!  However, I notice that now when I come in, she looks at me and seems to relax a little.  She may not know me as her daughter, but she does know that I am her person.... one who loves her unconditionally (just like she has loved me), and one that is there for her.  This disease is horrible!!!

Leolori

My mom lives with me now. This morning she told me to leave, because she knows what I’ve been saying about her brother. I told her I loved her and would never talk bad of Chuckie(he passed away before I was born). She said she knows my heart, I don’t love her, and to leave her sight. 

I know she’s not herself, but this is a first. It hurts so bad. Hurts to know she’s in this scary place, and I’m of no comfort to her

Feathergirl

My mother goes in and out of knowing me but this past weekend she only knew me maybe 10% of the time. She thought I was someone she went to school with. My father won’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to do and my hands are tied. He had two strokes 3 months ago and has lost some of his cognitions. He will not get help. If she were left alone for a day, I doubt she would eat, otherwise she seems physically healthy. They never had her diagnosed because they “don’t trust doctors“. This is a train wreck and all I can do is watch.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I could use counseling but the counselors I’ve tried are not knowledgeable in dementia.  One more thing, they live 200 miles away. Thank you for letting me share this.