My DH does not like to do anything but go for drives

Carole7689

Hello everyone. My name is Carole and this is the first time I am writing a post. 

My husband is in a stage where he constantly asks what he/ we are doing through out the day and evening. He is not content to sit and relax for more than 15 minutes at a time. My daughter and I have been taking him to the mall, museums, restaurants, flea markets and for a while it kept him content.  Recently things have changed and he no longer likes noise or crowds so going out to public places, even eating lunch on a picnic bench, is no longer something he wants to do. He doesn't want to watch TV, read, paint, color, play games- except Jenga and we have run out of ideas. The only thing he likes to do is have one of us take him for a drive around town, for over an hour at a time. This is being done now 2 times a day just to keep him happy because we can't come up with anything else that he wants to do. It's really hard to sit everyday with him upset because we don't have every day filled with activities (which he won't do anyway) and it leaves little, if any, alone time for myself or my daughter. And because he doesn't like to be around people or noise, adult day care is not an option for him at this stage.

He is currently taking Trazodone for sleeping, which doesn't seem to be working and has recently lost his appetite for most foods as well. 

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to keep him busy?  I appreciate any ideas.

Thank you!

Ed1937

Carole, welcome to the forum. I had to look twice because I wondered how my wife got on the forum. Her name is Carole too.

Sorry you are dealing with this. It's another hard one to solve. Did he have interests to keep him busy before dementia? Woodworking? Photography? History? Anything? If so, maybe you could somehow incorporate some of those things into his day. Otherwise, I have no answers.

Does the doctor know his Trazodone does not seem to be working as desired? A change of strength might be warranted, or possibly a different medication. Hopefully others might have some other ideas.

Rick4407

Hello Carole,  My wife is in a very similar stage and has been for what seems like years...  She currently sleeps about 12 hours per day so that leaves me with 12 to manage her.  We spend a fair amount of that time moving from room to room looking out the windows at whatever.  We spend time on the front porch counting cars and remarking on how many red or white ones there are.  Making the bed is a recurring activity.  Laundry continues, and making each meal takes 10 minutes and eating another few.    We take the dog for a walk two times a day, that's another 30 minutes each.  We go to the grocery store every other day or two even if its just for a pint of ice cream.  She looks at photo albums several times a day, each for 10-15 minutes.  She recognizes  herself only occasionally and never the locations, other family members, or me.   It's a never ending series of very small repetitive tasks.  Despite her education she can no longer read, TV cannot hold her attention except for basketball sometimes.    

My days are just that, 12 hours of mindless things to keep her occupied.   I mentally divide them into three 4 hour shifts and just work my way through each of them every day.  After she goes to bed I get 2-3 hours to my self, I frequently get up in the middle of the night for some additional time to get things done.   I look forward to when she is less active but also know that will also bring new challenges.   

This is not an answer to your question but I have sympathy for your situation and understanding of you trials.   Rick

Stuck in the middle

Hi, Carole,  Welcome aboard.

There is a company called "Joy For All" who make lifelike robot cats and puppies.  Sold on Amazon for $130.  A New Yorker article said a lot of elderly people, with and without dementia, really like them.

M1

I had the same thought about travel/car videos.  Can't hurt to try.....

Carole7689

Thank you everyone for your advice...I will look into some of them for sure. I also need to learn how to work this posting as I think I posted where I shouldn't have...anyway thanks again and I'm sure I will be back again...

David J

Enjoy the drives while you can. This used to be a favorite activity for my wife, and it would calm her down when she was anxious. We called it therapy rides. Now, she gets scared because she doesn't recognize anything and thinks I am taking her somewhere against her will. Last trip to the supermarket, she curled up in he seat, and was whimpering “don’t, don’t, don’t” over and over.

JoseyWales

My DH loves the drives, too. Basically, he gets so agitated at home and demands to "go to that place where the people are." I think he wants to go shopping, but the drive is what relaxes him. We live in the country, so we drive at least 30 minutes to some store. It doesn't matter what, supermarket, Walmart, fast food, etc. Then we drive home, and again I take at least 30 minutes. An outing can take 2-5 hours. Sometimes we do this twice a day. With another 20 minute drive "around the block" thrown in.

I'd love a chance to stay home. I may try the scenic videos, although DH rarely sits in front of the tv so I doubt I could get him interested.

Jeff86

I’d say my DW gets restless more than anxious but it comes to the same thing.  This is usually a mid/late afternoon phenomenon—I guess her version of sundowning.

A ride in the car satisfies her desire to do something/go somewhere.  Destination is unimportant.  It’s about getting out of the house and a sense of some activity.  

It is, otherwise, a challenge to think of activities that engage my DW.  Once an avid reader, she can longer do that.  She can’t follow television—even the news, never mind a plot line.  But if I play the piano and sing for her, she is well pleased.  Music in any form may be something that might engage your DH.

I am enormously sympathetic to your challenge.

Joydean

Before my DH was diagnosed two years ago, he would  have panic attacks and the only thing that would calm him down was taking him for a ride. It was kinda scary sometimes because I had no ideal what he would do. We would do this 6 to 7 times a day! Just riding around. We live in country too, so most of our day was in the car. He’s on meds now so the panic attacks are rare but he still likes to go riding. We only do one ride a day now.

kathlil

My DH is in stage 6 and also asks what are we doing today and/or where are we going everyday. Only likes the news and Jeopardy on tv. But I did find her likes audio books, especially auto biographies. You can rent them from your local library.