My wife hates me now

PatrickPatience

My wife (62) was diagnosed with EO Alzheimers about six years ago. She was an accountant, and she noticed that she couldn't do her job effectively anymore. I noticed she was more forgetful and constantly losing her phone, but it wasn't too bad for the first few years. After about three years and a slow & decline, she asked me to take over the family finances, i.e., paying the bills. Her energy was greatly diminished due to the side effects of medication, but even five years on, she was still very much the loving, empathetic woman I'd always known. 

In the past few months, however, things have gotten significantly worse pretty quickly. She started having paranoid and delusional episodes, esp. about me. The most disturbing example of this is when she accuses me of hitting her and started texting my sons that they needed to come home to protect her from me because I was beating her. These instances lasted for a day or two, and then she seemed to snap out of it.  

Recently, however, she has been in a state for over two weeks, and it's showing no sign of ending. It started the day before her birthday when she told me she wanted over a thousand-dollar diamond necklace as her present. I told her I had already bought a gift and didn't have the money for such an expensive present. Since that time, she has treated me with complete contempt, started calling our friends & family to tell them how badly I treat her, calling my sons for protection, and keeps threatening to leave me.  All because I refused her birthday wish.  

I'm growing quite distraught at my inability to bring her back to normal. I've tried positive distractions such as doing nice things for her or taking her nice places.  I've tried showing her our bank balance and bills summary, talking about it logically, and explaining that it wasn't because I didn't love her.  I've enlisted my son's help, and nothing has worked.  Even her friends have reached out to me to let me know about her odd behavior.  

At the moment, I'm completely alone and out of ideas.  

Joe C.

Patrick, Sorry you are having such a challenging time. There are medications that help with delusions. About 16 months ago my DW started having delusions that people were coming to hurt/kill us, her neurologist put her on seroquil and it has worked wonders in reducing her delusions. I suggest speaking with her doctor about these resent changes and see if they think medications would help.

PatrickPatience

Thanks for the reply.  I contacted her doctor, and he prescribed Rivastigmine Tartare.  She has been on for a week but with no noticeable effect yet.

Joe C.

Patrick, My experience with my wife starting on seroquil was that it took 3 to 4 weeks before there was a noticeable decline in the delusions. You may need to just give it a little time.

Iris L.

Rivastigmine is Exelon.  Is she on the patches?  I just posted that I believe Exelon is more helpful when begun early in the disease process.  She is already having delusions so she is not in the early stages.  Seroquel and others of that class are for delusions.  There are many threads relating to delusions and medications that treat delusions. These psychotropic meds must be titrated to the individual patient, it can take a few weeks to get the appropriate dosage.  One size does not fit all. 

 Iris L

Quilting brings calm

Rivastegmine is meant to slow down the symptoms of confusion and memory loss. Although it says it can even be used for moderate and severe stages…. It’s not going to do one thing about delusions. It’s not that kind of medication.  Joe C knows what he is talking about, call the doctor and tell him/her you need an antipsychotic.

FYI/ rivastegmine should have been started much earlier in her  disease to slow it down and it takes 12 weeks to know if it is even doing that.  Although truthfully/ how would one know if it was actually working since everyone’s progress is different.  My Moms has been on it for over a year. I’m going to ask her new neurologist if she can stop taking it.  Mom is annoyed by the patches, and she’s gotten a lot worse in last 3 months. I saw her regularly even thru the Covid restrictions due to doctor appointments, so that’s not why I’m noticing a difference. 

Bhopper

As Joe mentioned seroquel has been a life saver for us doesn’t stop progression obviously but can definitely help with delusions and paranoia. Also we did not see any significant results for 4 weeks (long weeks) she had since had dosage increased 5 times but I know we would not be here without it. Please find a doctor that will agree to clinically manage ask specifically.

towhee

Patrick, any time there is a significant change in behavior, a medical cause needs to be ruled out. Sometimes an infection (such as a UTI) will show no other symptoms but ramped up behavior. It could be something else that is contributing to the problem, you might want to check just in case.

It is hard to accept, but at a certain stage of dementia a person loses the ability to reason and be reasoned with. You can not reason her out of this. You not giving her a diamond necklace did not cause this. Your wife does not hate you, her brain is creating delusions. Pleasant distractions are fine, so long as they are something you normally do, but do not try to reason with her, right now it is an emotional problem, not a rational one. I would not mention her birthday, or the gift and I would ask others not to mention it either. It is going to take the right medication and time.

Does she see a neurologist or a geratric psychiatrist? If not you might want to consider getting one on board. 

PatrickPatience

Thanks for all the good advice!