What is this vagueness from care givers?

driving with jane

Hello all,

My mom is really perky now when I call her. This has never been her trademark, I don't recognize this animation, she has never been like this. It's like being in a fun house with mirrors. Who is my mom now? I asked the staff if she was put on meds for her depression, and they said no.

It's very frustrating being in a role of supposed to be helping. It is more like observing the destruction of my mom.

Anyone having this happen?

dayn2nite2

What “vagueness” are you referring to.

If she’s animated, be thankful.  Many of our LOs curse or threaten.

Is there something about her response that’s distressing to you?

Meet her where she is.  If she’s happy, cherish that.

Mom's Baby

People's personalities can change with dementia. My mom began acting very childlike in her late middle stages -- wanting her hair cut not in the no-nonsense shorter style she'd worn for years but more of a chin-length bob. Very similar to the photos I'd seen of her as a child in the 1930s. Her caregivers at her memory care would pin the sides back with barrettes or sometimes put in an "Alice In Wonderland" style headband to keep her hair out of her eyes, which only added to the childlike appearance. 

She also started acting sillier and goofier. She'd stick her tongue out at people or mimic them. She'd talk in funny voices. While Mom could certainly be funny or say silly things when I was growing up, it wasn't the way she was most of the time. She was a farm wife raising 5 kids with not much money and a lot of work to do nearly around the clock. She didn't have time to be goofy. So, I kind of took solace in the fact that while she might not be the same mom I remembered, she was at least content and her caregivers thought she was a hoot. 

I wouldn't worry about people withholding things from you. Just be glad your mom is happy and not crying or otherwise upset/angry. 

harshedbuzz

If this behavior is new since placement, perhaps socialization, routine, activities and more people giving her attention have caused the uptick in mood. There are some people who improve with a move to a high quality MCF.

It's also possible that the dementia is progressing in the parts of her brain responsible for mood/personality. My father was a difficult individual; he and I never enjoyed a warm relationship. Early on in dementia, he was suspicious of and feared me and was quite monstrous at times. But as he progressed into the later stages of dementia he became nice. Never in my wildest dreams would I have anticipated that I would get a glimpse of the dear little boy his ancient aunties swore he'd been.

HB