Last Days?

SDSmith

Well, mom has been in an assisted living/memory care facility for four months and was put on Hospice three weeks ago.  She is now refusing to eat and when they do get food in her mouth (liquified because she can't swallow well), she spits the food at them.  Does this mean we are close to the end?  How long can a body go without food?  My dad signed a DNR so they can't put a feeding tube in.  The worst thing ever is seeing your loved one fade away before your eyes...... so sad ....

harshedbuzz

SDS-

I am sorry your mom has reached this point in the dementia journey.

It's hard to say, people can live weeks without food but lack of hydration can make the passing sooner than that. There's also a possibility that your mom might accept food again; my aunt with dementia went of food strikes 3-4 times in the last 18 months of her life for a week or so and then went back to eating.

That said, for a person who is ready to die, feeding can cause discomfort especially if the brain isn't signaling the digestive system effectively. Statistics suggest that PWD who have feeding tubes don't seem to live longer.

HB

SDSmith

Thanks for your reply.  She's not very hydrated either since she refuses to eat or drink.  The facility is doing the best they can and the Hospice team is wonderful.  It's just hard to watch her slow decline towards the end ... and my poor father is having such a hard time.  They have been married 59 years and it's tough on him.

abc123

Dear Shanna, Having hospice on board will definitely be a big help to all three of you. Has a counselor/therapist from the hospice reached out to you? They can explain the stages and changes your mother will go through. This disease is so unpredictable. HB is correct when she says there is a chance your mother may start eating again. My heart goes out to you and your dad. If it is her time to go, I hope it is peaceful and quick. Please let us know how you are doing. You are not alone.

jfkoc

It is sad  for all of you and also frustrating.  Have they tried sweets like ice cream? If she will eat that you can mix a bit of protein powder in it. 

The fact that she spits it out  instead of not swallowing might indicate a swallowing problem.

While a DNA is specific (https://www.verywellhealth.com/hands-off-do-not-resuscitate-1132382) I would give careful thought to a feeding tube.

Again, it is almost unbearable to face this decline. I hope you will keep us updated.

SDSmith

Thank you everybody for your kind words of encouragement.  I went with my father yesterday morning to see her.  It's been three weeks since I've been there and I thought I was prepared to see her but I was not.  I actually started backing out of the room saying, "no, no, no" and it was a good thing my father was behind me because he snapped me out of it.  I'm sure it's a normal reaction but I can tell you I was not prepared to see her in that state.  She was simply laying in the bed asleep and non-responsive to any verbal communication.  She has lost so much weight in the last four months and her hand was swollen and she is being treated for cellulitis.  When her caretaker lifted her hand to elevate it, mom winced in pain.  Right now in order to get her meds in her, they smash them up and put them in apple sauce or ice cream  which seems to be working but at this time, my dad doesn't want to use a feeding tube.  Hospice has been very good to us so far and has explained so much.  They have assured us that they will medicate her to make her comfortable so her passing will not be traumatic.  Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers.  I'm working hard to be strong for my father.

M1

So sorry SDS.  Sounds like it's time to let any medicines go except anything needed for pain or anxiety.  Time for comfort.

SDSmith

Thank you.  Yes, when Hospice came in they took her off all meds except her anxiety meds.  We heard back from Hospice an hour ago and they say mom has congestive heart failure.  Time is near .....