What to DO! Help!

bozowing

Met with Adult Protective Services lady yesterday at my dad's house.  Thankfully she finds my dad capable of living in the house by himself for now.

Problem I have is an ongoing family dispute with my sister who has done many things behind my back with my mother, she lives at my sisters without dad.  It started in April 2021 when my mom was in hospital with COVID, we had a fight and my sister stop updating me on my Mom  She got the hospital to only deal with her alone.  Then not having any connection with my Mom over month later found my Mom was move to my sister's with out any discussion with me.  Than on this Monday when contacting my Mom's doctor to   make an appointment I find my Mom is no longer under his care, but under a Hospice.  There was a Trust and Health POA already established that went from dad, to Mom then to me.  

Here's the BIG kicker.  When rapping up with the Adult Protective Service lady, she mentioned there is a new Trust and was filed in April!  The trust plus two real estate is worth around $750K.  Again, no one, including my Mom, said a word to me.  Plus is it was done one week after my Mom got out of the hospital and two weeks after we had the fight.  The lady also said she thought my sister was also going to file for guardianship!  I then called my Mom, once again on speaker phone so sister could listen in, and asked my Mom if she knew anything about this new Trust.  At first she didn't understand what a Trust was until I helped her.  Then she admitted she did sign one.  I asked her why didn't she even tell me especially the previous trust appointed me as the #1 Trustee after my parents.  She had no explanation and of course my sister was butting in in the background.

My dad did tell the protective service lady if he had to pick a guardian it would be me.  He also said definitely not my sister and her crappy husband.  He has been a major pain who believes he has every right as a husband to directly involve himself with my parent's care decisions.  In fact, he believe he had a biblical right!

I am so heart broken about my Mom and this new trust, I was always her favorite, I'm the baby, and now i is obvious my sister has her being manipulated and under her control.

Do I fight and file for my dad's Guardianship, or stop being apart of this fight and surrender?  This is a major stressor upon dealing with my dad's dementia everyday.  Oh yes, I do 80-90% of my dad's caretaking, my sister and brother show up maybe once a week for an hour or two.  Yet has the nerve to file for guardianship.

dayn2nite2

You're going to have to get an attorney's opinion on whether you can do anything about this.

Does your father's care depend on financial access to the trust?  If it does, I'd see an attorney soon because right now your sister is in control of everything there.  If your mother is on hospice and your father lacks the capacity to make decisions, your time is limited here.

This is less about who is the "favorite" than it is about who controls the pursestrings to your parents' care.

PickledCondiment

You need an eldercare lawyer ASAP.  Unfortunately, your issues are multi-pronged and you definitely need the guidance of a CPA as well.  Prepare for the lawyer, etc. consultation by recapping the events as they have happened (names, timelines, dates are critical), write down as much as you can remember. (Keeping a journal helped me navigate these issues, have the critical information available.)  The more information you can provide the better. 

Make a list of all the caretaking tasks you perform for your dad on a daily, weekly basis, 80-90% is a big number. 

A sidebar comment, you will need to be very firm with your sister and 'her people'.  Been there, done that, not a pleasant experience in the least. Now isn't the time to surrender without a fight! Don't be afraid to ask questions of anyone, don't be afraid to challenge the status quo.