For Joe C.: The respite conversation continued…..

Beachfan

I am wondering how your respite/placement plans are going?  At the moment, I am on hold.  I didn’t call mid-July to finalize plans; we were at the ‘shore, the weather was glorious, the kids and grandkids were otherwise occupied, we ended up staying and I was thinking, “This isn’t so bad; I can do this.”  Once home, COVID became a recurring issue and I backed off further.  Yesterday, I called the director and had a long chat.  She assured me that even during the height of COVID, although visitors were banned, within the facility not much changed.  Residents were free to leave their rooms and activities and mealtimes were carried on as usual.  There were no COVID cases within the facility.  

The logistics for respite/placement are tight.  DH needs a negative COVID test (even having been vaccinated) and then must report within 7 days of the test.  He needs written authorization from his PCP approving a locked facility within 72 hours of admission.  And all of this depends on room availability, which is typically not an issue.  Long story short, once again I climbed on the fence of indecision.  We agreed that I would call about a month in advance of a desired date and iron out all the kinks at that time and proceed.  This is so hard; I wish someone would push me off the fence.  Hope your plans are going well, or at least not so muddled as mine!  

David J

Beachfan, I am on the same fence next to you. I’ve known since February that i need to have minor surgery, but Spring and Summer were going so well, and I was doing OK, so I procrastinated. Of course things deteriorated. Now, I’ve started the chain of appointments needed before surgery and after in-person tours at local MCFs, am ready to put down the initial fee. I still feel conflicted but I have to do something before I drop.  

Dave

mrl

Lynn,,

Don't beat yourself up. You're obviously not ready. When in doubt-don't!

Prayers,

Michele

Joe C.

Beachfan, We are definitely on a parallel track, see the update to my original thread that I posted about 2 weeks ago.

Yesterday I got an email from my contact at the MC facility letting me know they only have 2 open rooms, since I have put down a deposit I have the right to first refusal. In the email my contact noted that she was not in the office but was home recovering from Covid. I know this person was vaccinated so it was a breakthrough case. Needless to say that did not give me a warm fuzzy feeling.

I can not move forward with placement until I get a better sense of where this latest surge in cases headed. The saga continues!

  

Joe C. wrote:

Update on my original post: 

When I posted at the end of June I was leaning towards providing DW the best summer possible and focusing on placement in the Fall. So far We have had a good summer with numerous outings with family & friends and another Vermont vacation to the same property we have gone to for the past 20 years. I won’t say that any of these activities were without significant challenges but both DW and I were able to enjoy ourselves and the company of others. In early July I started working on the paperwork the MC requires and looking at option to furnish her room, I really felt I was on my way to making this move.

At that time Covid seamed to be under control in my State with new daily infections counts being in the 30s and 40s for several weeks. In the past month this has done an about face as we all are aware, now the new daily Covid case counts from the 700s to 900s. A local AL facility recently had an outbreak with 33 cases and one death. This new outbreak fueled by the Delta variant has thrown a monkey wrench into my planning. Now I am asking myself how long before the MC facilities start to reimpose visitation restriction. There is no way I can envision placing DW if I do not have free and open access to visit her. I guess I am just going to have to sit tight and watch what happens with Covid over the upcoming weeks/months. This really s@#&s because I can not imagine going through another winter like the last on as a full time caregiver.

M1

I think you are both right to be hesitant.  I don't know if they would tell you, but I would ask about unvaccinated staff.  I'd be reluctant to plan any respite stays until all staff are vaccinated too......the next six to eight weeks are likely to be pretty dicey, at a minimum.  If Pfizer gets full approval, that may move a few people and may push more places to mandate vaccinations for employees.

Quilting brings calm

Illinois has recently started reporting on long term care vaccination rates for specific facilities, residents and staff separately.  My parents’  ASL is not listed yet. Not sure if  that is because it’s an ASL, or if it’s because they haven’t returned paperwork yet.

Stuck in the middle

The latest thing I heard on the news is that vaccinated people can contract the virus and transmit it to others without becoming ill themselves.  Thus, there are no guarantees.  The only way to avoid the virus is to avoid all human contact.  

Meals on Wheels says social isolation is as unhealthy as smoking 15 cigarettes per day.  I think a vaccinated person getting out is taking less risk than staying home ALL THE TIME.  Having more fun, too.

Bottom line, for me, is get our shots and live our lives.  We're not going to Lollapalooza or the Sturgis Biker Rally, but we aren't hiding in the house either.  There is such a thing as being too careful.

My wife doesn't yet require 24/7 attention, so I have no stake in this and it is really none of my business.  Just thinking out loud.  

Battlebuddy

  I have also moved to the fence. 

 I took a wonderful two hour tour of a facility near my house. I have made my decision to place there but two things are holding me back. 

   The main problem is that husband has begun to have some balance / wobbly walking issues. This morning he slid out of his bed to the ground and I couldn’t  get him up. He was sitting on the floor for a couple of hours before I could get someone over to lift him. The great facility requires you to hire a outside caregiver if your person is a “ fall risk” I have a feeling he is moving into that catagory. I can’t really afford to pay the monthly fee and that also. 

   What I really could use is a hospital bed and lift machine. They are available from Hospice so I am going to see if he can qualify. 

   I also am watching Covid so my Target date of September 15 is still there but it’s become murkier getting there. Can’t see it right now 

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Bhopper

Joe,

As mentioned previously I feel we have been running on parallel treadmills. Fortunately the facility we are committed to requires all staff to be vaccinated in addition to residents. We have survived the past 2 years I say survive because that’s it I lost my wife 2-3 years ago but by today’s contrast they seem wonderful. I am past helping we are losing ground daily the administration coordinator pointed out if I wait too long they may not be able to accept her in MC. It’s an awful choice but I now know professionals can do better than me even though they don’t love her like me. While my wife has more than AD Vascular dementia along with CAA.

Teepa’s kept me balanced and they certify staff in her methods. I watch still Alice several times a week an always pick up something additional heartbreaking but helps me see. I can no longer deny that the progression is gaining and my ability to manage is declining it’s past time for me and while I will miss our nights in bed the most. I look forward to seeing her on good days in an environment I hope allows her to stay productive and as happy as her disease allows.

Hope it heron som small way the paperwork and packing is very difficult but today she was lost all day and I could not retrieve her through any of the procedures I have learned over the last 5 years. My only comfort is that I did some preparation or I don’t think I would survive which means she would not either.

Feel free send Q’s in the coming weeks I will give honest feedback 

Best 

BH

Beachfan

Thanks, everyone for the thought provoking and truly appreciated comments.  At the end of the day, I think Michele has my number!  I am clearly not ready to turn over the reins to someone else where the care of DH is concerned.  Every time I think I’m ready to take the plunge, I come up with yet another reason to postpone.  Having done my research and satisfied that should the need arise, there are places for DH that are acceptable, I feel better moving forward. For now, I am climbing off the fence; but I am thinking of all of you who have such a difficult decision to make.  So, yes, Joe C., the saga continues.  Good luck to all of us.