Have had it!

Cherjer

I have not posted much but tonight am at the end of my rope!! During the night (last night ) DH peed in our hallway (wood floors) which i did not know until I took our puppy outside to pee!! Luckily we have remodeled our bathroom but DH aimed on the floor instead of the toilet, I cleaned everything up and then ths afternoon unbeknownist to me used the bathroom again and just peed on the floor. Again I cleaned everything up...cleanest tiles in the USA!!

So tonight I asked him to sit on the toilet and he yelled at me for forcing him to do that!  I just left the bathroom to let him figure it out . I am sick of him yelling at me and just want to leave which I can't do. I hate this disease but just feel sometimes I am being  taking advantage of.

Virgil61

Geeez - that would drive me nuts quick.   I have heard similar stories - always men I recall.  My wife doesn't have accidents but goes to the bathroom ALWAYS (should have bought stock in Charmin me).  I hope things get easier for you.

LadyTexan

Good morning Cherjer.

I am sorry this is happening to you. I know this is a frustrating behavior. It happens at our house too. 

When my DH sits on the toilet properly, there is less of a mess to clean up. Sadly, his brain is broken and his mind doesn't work the way it used to. There are so many things that become lost as the disease progresses including knowing when to pee, where to pee and how to pee. One of the therapists that worked with DH recently suggested to me getting target stickers (available on amazon) that stick in the toilet bowl to give your DH a visual to aim at. We haven't tried that yet.

I used to feel taken advantage of, in the earlier days. when DH was unable to do something that used to be so easy and second nature for him. Then I realized, the disease was progressing and DH wasn't acting differently on purpose. I believe this is true for my DH, especially when it comes to toileting issues. 

I hope today is a better day for you. 

ButterflyWings

(((Hugs))) Cherjer, *fixed typos, sorry about that!

If this is a sudden change, it is recommended to check for a silent UTI. Urinary tract infections and PWD seem to go together...and triggers some very difficult behaviors. (Ask me how I know!)

Also, after replacing some of the tiles and hardwood subflooring beneath due to water (or worse) damage...I ended up getting a clear plastic mat (like you can buy a 4 foot strip at the hardware store, and I cut out the shape of the base around the toilet. Got that tip here on this forum from Crushed and others I think. So now it provides a waterproof mat that fits in the space that he was watering daily, when missing the bowl part time, every time. I mop that rather than urine soaking into the grout, and to the subfloor at the base of the toilet.

Otherwise, join the club of wives whose hubby's don't want them saying anything about their declining bathroom habits. And I feel ya, but please don't feel taken advantage of. It isn't your fault nor his, and definitely is not something he can control as you know.

I hope today is much better for you. I bought Depends early on (another tip from the wise folks on these boards) and just put them in his underwear drawer in place of the boxers that let drips and dribbles and streams run everywhere as his lack of control started slowly but surely. Then, lo and behold one day, I saw that he had just started wearing them with no discussion or urging from me. THANK GOODNESS! It has become more and more challenging to get him to change them at least 1x daily, but that is much better than the overwhelming laundry and mopping, odor, and stepping into puddles that was beginning.

Good luck! Check for a UTI! And call the Alz hotline/helpline 24/7 just for suggestions, resources and to vent for free, to a knowledgeble care counselor trained to know what we are dealing with and how to help in those moments where you are at the end of your rope (BTW, I'm there with you...tie a knot* and hang on, but definitely keep reaching out for help.)

Ed1937

ButterflyWings wrote:

If this is a sudden change, it is recommended to check for a silent UTI. Urinary tract infections and PWD seem to go together...and triggers some very difficult behaviors. (Ask me how I know!)

Absolutely agree with that. If you go for a UTI test, ask for a culture. That will give them the best information on which medications to use for a particular strain of infection, if there is one. Using the wrong med might not work at all.

Buggsroo

Cherjer,

My husband has fecal accidents, they are pretty discouraging to deal with. I have a bottom sheet that is waterproof and a couple of fitted sheets so if one is soiled, I can wash it and replace it with a clean one.

Today while cleaning his room, I noticed there was a huge fecal smear on the floor, my heart sank. I know his brain is broken but there are times when I literally want to slap him upside the head for this kind of thing. I used to think he was just being an *$%& but now I do realize his world is so broken. I just try to keep things clean for my sanity.

Whyzit

Another suggestion for providing a better target for DH to aim for is to install a contrasting color toilet seat. (Something bright to get his attention) Most bathrooms are pretty white in color but may be difficult to accurately use with vision problems common in Alzheimer’s.

DrinaJGB

I recall reading that the incontinence issue is the main reason for seeking placement in assisted living or MC. The other biggie was wandering.

Stuck in the middle

Whyzit wrote:

Another suggestion for providing a better target for DH to aim for is to install a contrasting color toilet seat. (Something bright to get his attention) Most bathrooms are pretty white in color but may be difficult to accurately use with vision problems common in Alzheimer’s.

Another use for duct tape!  You wouldn't have to coat the whole seat, just make a couple of arrows pointing inward.

Cherjer

Thank you all for your great suggestions and understanding of this terrible disease. I thought I could handle everything happening and think I overreacted.

LadyTexan

Regarding duck tape - I used it on the safety bar by the toilet to cue DH on where to grab the bar, which better positioned him for sitting. Picture attached.

The tape on the grab bar helped getting DH to sit where he is supposed to (not hang his fanny over the side or too far forward). Also notice the rubber band that holds the toilet lid up all the time. I learned this nifty trick on this website. If you have ever had the misfortune of cleaning poop off the top of the toilet lid, you will appreciate the simplicity of this solution.

LadyTexan

I did not realize toilet mats were actually a product. I found this product list on the web https://www.globalindustrial.com/g/janitorial-maintenance/bathroom/odor-control/toilet-urinal-mats

I do not know anything about this company. I am just providing an example of toilet mat products.

tcrosse

My DW has just recently forgotten how to use the toilet, so instead she wets her pants or the bed and leaves a puddle on the floor. For her middle of the night potty calls she would get out o f bed and I would escort her to the bathroom, where she would do her business. But now I escort her to the bathroom and she just looks around. Finally last night I pulled her pants down and sat her down on the toilet, and she did what was needed. There are times when brute force is called for, so we shall see how she reacts to wearing adult diapers. What a mess!

Beachfan

I am on the bandwagon with tcrosse.  It has been years since DH understood the where, when and how of using the toilet.  24/7/365 hawk eye vigilance keeps him dry, clean and presentable; my total physical assistance from start to finish has prevented major accidents and messes, so far (knock on wood).  At a solid stage 6, he can do little or nothing for himself, or by himself, but toileting seems to be ingrained and although exhausting and frustrating at times, beats the alternative.  So far, no need for adult briefs, but I have some stashed just in case it all goes South.   Good luck with whatever path you take.