Remembering things that never happened.

Dave49

Wife diagnosed with MCI, but not Alzheimer's, at least not yet. Her short-term memory is shot, but we just deal with it, and she does pretty well at caring for herself when I can't be with her (I still work part-time). But there is a recurring phenomenon arising out of this for which I'm hoping to find an explanation, and maybe some advice on the best ways to deal with it, or at least to find that this is not a unique phenomenon. It is a sort of short-term "remembering" of recent events that never occurred. For example, we may go to a restaurant we've never been to before, and when we sit down, she will say something like "Oh! We sat at the same table the last time we were here, and we had the same server." Or driving down a road we've never been on before, even in a state or province we've never been in before, we'll pass a house and she'll say, "Oh, that is so beautiful, every time we go past this, I want to stop and meet the owners." I have learned to mostly just let it go, but occasionally the subject matter requires correction of the false memory. And then she'll get angry that I'm "calling her a liar." Anyone here who has run across this before, or who can point me to any article or video discussing this phenomenon?

TIA.

M1

Hi Dave.  Yes, it's common, and the name for it is confabulation.  My partner does it too, more and more (now stage 5).  It may be a sign that she's more advanced than MCI, but I don't know that it really matters.  I just let it go, too--there's no point arguing.

Iris L.

Yes, this is confabulation.  Yes, it sounds like your wife is past MCI.  You need to begin making preparations because Alzheimer's Disease is progressive and more changes are coming.  

Iris L

loveskitties

Hi Dave,

Please remember that trying to correct her will not bring good results usually.  Unless the memory she expresses will result in harm to her or another, best to just let it go.   To her the memory is real.

BassetHoundAnn

Hi Dave, 

My mom does this constantly. In every conversation, such as they are. They most arresting incidents are when she describes events from my life and claims they happened to her. I've read confabulation described as the mind's way of trying to fill in the gaps in the cheesecloth-like holes in failing memory. At a certain point nothing they say will have any basis in reality. 

It's best to let it go. When you correct them they get upset. The best response is the one that brings the most calm, so smile and nod and let it go, hard as it may be. 

Jimbob59

You just never know what's next, my mother is just the opposite, she says she has never eaten or been to any of the places we have been going for years. Nothing looks familiar to her anywhere we go. Now people she sees no strangers but does not recognize people she knows.

Iris L.

Jimbob59 wrote:

  Nothing looks familiar to her anywhere we go. 

This is visual agnosia, another characteristic of dementia, along with confabulation.

Iris

harshedbuzz

Dave-

Early on, my dad seemed to have those deja vu moments more often. Before anosognosia kicked in, he was constantly trying to prove his neurologist's diagnosis wrong. He spent a lot of time "remembering" places and events he'd been to that we couldn't verify. 

Later he started to conflate stories. These were distinctive in that there was some truth to the story, but that he'd back filled the holes with details from other events in a manner that might be believable to a stranger. Early on, these felt like rewriting history because they were often ascribing evil doings by my late sister to me.

After that more things became confused. I recall a classic example when he sold his car. He told a story about a magical night driving "his" Miata along the coast of Cape May one night when one of my aunt's volunteered to baby sit. I can still see the pleasure in his face as he related the story. According to my mom, some version of this happened in 1961, but it was a TR-3 and the coastal road was in Gloucester where my mom's family had a beach house. They did spend a couple summers in Cape May in the 1970s (when I was in high school), but had an MGB then. And the 1999 Miata was his 50th anniversary present to my mother which spent the year in Florida. The emotion of the story was valid; the details were not. I did not correct him.

He did, at times, conflate stories that were hurtful to others or which put him at risk of arrest. He did the usual accusations of infidelity to my mom which I defended her against. He accused me of losing $350K selling one of his houses, I apologized and promised to do better next time. We shut down the ones that could hurt him or other people and for a time, kept his world very small so that he couldn't do this in public. I really didn't need dad telling some server that he killed the bad guy and that she'd find his body in the garage.

One common theme to his confabulations was putting himself into the center as the protagonist/hero/anti-hero. Everything became about him. I recall him claiming to have had knee replacement and pointing to his elbow when it was my mom who was recovering from TKR. Another time he claimed to have lost everything he owned in a flood when that actually happened to me. My response was to show concern and use the thought as a segue into a conversation. 

Another piece to this is to watch her access to TV. As dad progressed to the middle stages, he began to struggle to differentiate between TV and real life. While it was kind of funny when he thought the character on "Blue Bloods" were family, he often believed he'd been the victim in my mom's favorite CSI dramas. I had to put parental control on the TV to keep him off certain channels- even TWC was a problem at times.

My advice, unless the memory is dangerous to her or hurtful to someone other than you, try to use it as a conversation starter. "Yes, that house is lovely" or "I hope the food here is as good as I've heard". 

HB

Forloveofsusie

My mom was officially diagnosed earlier this year however has displayed signs for about 10 years now as I look back. It's just in the last year and a half that it has catapulted I to another level. My father was I'll and mom was his caregiver and he was the focus and also her caregiver. He shielded me a lot from what was happening with her. He passed last December. Mom has acted rather oblivious to her disease, doesn't recall doctors visits, etc. up until the last couple of weeks. It's as if she suddenly realized that she is having issues with confusion, safety and memory. She is sad and depressed and cries. She refers to her impending death although she knows nothing of the late stages of the disease. She has stopped remembering to eat , lost her appetite or her body isn't recognizing that she is hungry. She has been living alone as she can bathe, dress and use the oven (not stove). It has come to a point though that she lets the dog out the wrong door and it runs into the street. She hallucinates and has delusions that people live in the house, are visiting at night, are moving or taking her things or sneaking in and doing the same. I have secured an apartment in an independent senior living apartment building. It is lovely and brand new. They take dogs...which she is obsessed with her sweet dog and it would kill her to have to give her up unnaturally. They do have an inhouse caregiving team for hire which I plan to arrange so she can acclimate, get meds  and cues. Hopefully have some friends and enjoy activities. She is actually open to the idea and told me yesterday that she wished that she could go ahead and get moved. She is worried as anyone would be about making friends and being accepted. She has been hanging on to herself for dear life but she is slipping away in different ways each day. I'm concerned about the eating and hoping that 3 meals prepared a day will help. I am so grief stricken. She has been the best mother I could have ever asked for and I want to do right by her. I don't want her to suffer. I want her to be happy while she can be. I hope this is the right thing. 

IIs it normal for some lucidity about her condition to pop in? I know she is mid-stage but seems to be declining rapidly (which I guess is the nature of this cruel, horrible thing). Could some of this be depression? I feel like the doctors we have seen are worthless. Here's a pill. Here's another pill. Bloodwork looks fine. New doctor same thing. I know my post is basically word vomit and I apologize. My brain is fried and my life is upside down with trying to figure everything out and operate my solo business and my own life. Maybe just trying to commiserate here in my heartbreak and heartache

M1

Hi susie and welcome. Just a housekeeping thing, you will get more responses if you repost on a new thread-look for the green "new topic" or "start topic" button at the top right of each forum page.

Paris20

My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s years ago but has had anasognosia from the day he was told he had MCI. At first he’d ask me a question and when I answered it he’d say, «That’s what I thought.» I considered it a kind of cover-up for what he could not remember. 

Now I’m hearing rewriting of history. I don’t know if it’s a form of confabulation or just trying to fill in memory gaps as if he were throwing darts, hoping he’d hit the right spot. For example, we were watching a travel program. When they showed Norway and Denmark, my husband correctly identified them as places we had visited. The next program was about Estonia and Finland. My husband said that we had been there too. Not true. These faulty memories of vacations, people we’ve known, and important dates are happening more frequently. His confusion about where he is has increased too. This disease is just plain awful.

Fad marie

Dave, my mom does this, too.  She was dx with Alz 4 years ago.  The first few times she did it, I corrected her.  One time, she was sure a salesperson from Xfinity in her kitchen (I was there) was a friend of my brother's.  He was not.  That was probably three years ago.  Over the years, she's done this more often and it's as others say... to fill in the gaps of memory.  To make it make sense to her.  My mom's latest whopper is that she used to work for Donald Trump years ago.  She did not.  I just go with it now.  I just listen to her stories and try to nod and contribute to the conversation as best I can.  It can get a little tricky when it involves her wanting me to do something ("Can you get my records from Trump's office?"), but most likely she'll forget ever asking me so I usually just agree or make up some excuse for why I can't do something.  Correcting your wife won't help her, as you're noticing, and it only makes her upset.  I think we initially correct because we think it might help them remember and because it's a knee-jerk reaction of ours to operate in reality.  I'd imagine we do it out of frustration sometimes, too.  The disease is brutal.  But, ultimately, you're trying to make it as easy as possible for your wife, so it's best to just go along with the confabulations as long as they're harming no one.

dancer daughter

I’m glad you posted this. I’ve been going through this with my mom. Due to rapid decline recently we are moving her into a nice Assisted living down the street this week. This process has been torture for me. The moving detail exacerbate the dementia symptoms. There has been so much anxiety! I feel sorry for her. Doctors won’t help. I’ve tried all resources i know to help her transition (she’s been living alone and independent). Aside from moving details, managing her in this move has been incredibly difficult. Does anyone have any suggestions about how to transition a LO with dementia into AL?