Moving parents to MC from their home

brown trout

Both of my parents are being treated for dementia.  Mom longer than dad.  Mom has no short term memory.  Dad is catching up with her.  Dad and I discussed making move to AL/MC to keep mom safe.  He asked me to find an "apartment" for them.  Visited many  in the area.  Found the one I thought was best.  Put down deposit.  Visited the apartment in MC unit with both parents.  Went pretty well.  Last week I mentioned a mini fridge for their new apartment and dad lost it.  He said I was not going to take his house.  Biggest argument we have ever had.  Thought he might get physical.  Found out he had missed three doses of Seroquel.

I am sure I could have handled things better.  I don't think that I raised my voice.  

I am now very nervous about moving day which is coming up in two weeks.  I can't imagine dad going willingly.  Do I tell the parents I am taking them to breakfast and then pull into the MC unit without them knowing before hand? I can see my dad losing it when he realizes where we are going as he has been there once before for the tour.  

I am at a loss at this point.

loveskitties

You certainly have double difficult situation.

Being off his meds certainly can contribute to the situation you describe.  Definitely need to make sure he gets what he is supposed to have between now and the move.

Given his expressed reluctance, you should not mention the move again.  It will resolve nothing for either of you.

Let the MC know the situation and ask their opinion on how best to handle getting them in the place.  I am sure they have had experience in this many times over.

Wishing you the best as you try to do what is in best interest of both your parents.

LicketyGlitz

I second loveskitties, brown - talk to the MC folks, they've got more experience then we do with this and may have some really good suggestions.

It will probably be easier with him on his med real regular until moving day!

Jane Smith

Definitely talk to the facility staff. They have been there, done that.

I would not say one word about moving again, ever. Not before, not during, not after. 

We were able to arrive at my mother’s facility at a mealtime which helped with the transition, as she went along with, we are here for dinner.  Also you may want to let the staff distract them while you slip out quietly, rather than saying goodbye. Remember that whatever causes the least distress, is the best choice, and it often conflicts with what we are used to or what we think is right. A cognitively impaired brain does not work properly and it’s a hard learning curve. 

Wishing you all the best. And let us know how it goes!

brown trout

Thank you for yor suggestions.