When to seek a care facility

Geneman

My partner is in the moderate stage of dementia, most likely diagnosis is ALZ.  However, she also has an abnormal gait and cannot walk without assistance and is a fall risk when she forgets to use her walker or cane.  She has fallen at least 6 times with none resulting in serious injury although the last one could have is she has fallen a foot or two away from a particular obstacle. We are both retired.  I have been a full-time care giver now for almost a year.  I receive a bit of help from her brother and more from her son.  Her brother has his own health problems and her a son a full time teaching job and two sons.  His wife is always busy either with her teaching position or her growing flower growing business.  My partner is very demanding and cannot understand why I have arranged a part time in home care person for 5 hr per day, 2 days a week.  She knows her mobility issues but at times forgets her memory issues.  We live in a beautiful two story house with all bedrooms on the second floor.  A stair lift has been ordered which my partner doesn't believe is necessary although every time she must climb the stairs I get an ear full.  My basic question is when is the right time for I and her family arrange for another living facility.  My partner would throw a fit if we brought up that idea at this time, just time she throws a fit when I tell her a care giver will be coming in two days a week to give me a break.  Exhausting but also depressing.

loveskitties

Hi Geneman,

I am so sorry for your situation.

First, the legal side of things.  As a partner, not a spouse, your abilities to make decisions on her care are not assured unless there is a DPOA naming you in that capacity.  If not you and her son need to seek out an elder care attorney to determine next steps.

Has she been to a neurologist for diagnosis?  

You are on the right track in trying to make your home safe for her and getting in help 2 days a week.

But you and her son need to sit down and discuss the situation of her medical care, diagnosis and potential needs.

Joe C.

Geneman, There is no harm in starting to look at facilities now so you have a plan when the time comes.  You do not have to let your partner know that you a looking at places. I began looking at facilities well over 2 years ago, I made my selection of a preferred facility and put down a refundable deposit over a year ago. DW is still home with me but I have a plan for when the time comes.

Ed1937

Geneman, welcome to the forum. Sorry you are dealing with this too. 

You have two excellent replies above. Someone needs to have the legal paperwork ready before it is needed. No doubt about that.

Joe pretty much said what I was going to say. It's not too early to check out facilities in the area. If you wait until it's an emergency, you'll be stuck with whatever is available.