Caregiver starting. Need excuse he will believe

Gig Harbor

I have a lady coming in tomorrow to walk with my husband and make him lunch. He would be angry if he thought she was here for him. I thought I would say she was here to help me with my computer and then suddenly get a call from the dentist about a available appt if I can come in right away. She can agree to wait until I get home and then ask if he wants to go for a walk while she waits. Does anyone have any other ideas? I absolutely can’t leave him alone any more as he would leave to go for a walk.

Stuck in the middle

Sounds like a plan to me.  She comes, you get phone call and leave, she asks him to walk with her.  Then you can call at noon and say you're delayed, the two of them should should eat lunch without you.

Ed1937

I think you have it figured out, Good job.

Jo C.

Sounds like you have made a good and believable plan to me; I wish you well that all goes perfectly, and that she makes friends with him so that he will be delighted to see her in the weeks and months to come.

Let us know how it goes.

J.

Jude4037

Will he remember the plan? My husband couldn’t remember a plan after putting his coat on. When we are in the car going some where he has no idea where we are going even after being told before leave, as we are pulling out of the drive way or a block away and surprised when we get some where. But then not let go on something that is not happening, like he has to deliver papers, for hours. This illness is so odd. The good thing is hopefully it will get him out of the house to walk and even if it has to be repeated dozens of times, you can use that excuse again and again. I have to admits it’s a very clever one.

jfkoc

brilliant!

Beachfan

Fingers crossed that it works!

French

I have a caregiver coming every Thursday for a 3 hours walk with my partner. I am still working. I just explained that he was boring at home and I found somebody you will do some hiking with him. I already hired somebody every Monday afternoon to do activities, every Tuesday morning for the shower and clothing. He always accepted. I know he is easy… so I don’t need to lie. 

Do you need to lie ? Wouldn’t he accept if you just tell him the caregiver comes to walk with him so that he will have company while you will have to go somewhere ? It isn’t that he can’t go alone, just because it is better to walk with a companion.

Joe C.

GH, Hoping all went well with the caregiver today.

Dee/Dave

You are giving me ideas.  I know I’m going to need help soon.  But even if my son will sit with him, he gets angry, saying I don’t need anyone to sit with me !

Dee/Dave

Wow over 19,000 posts !  I guess you’ve heard it all.  I’m new to this, still finding my way around the site.  I’m 75 and my husband is 76, diagnosed in 2016.

Ed1937

Gig, how did that work out today? It really sounded like a good plan.

anneleigh

Great job Gig!  You can do this~   The Caregiver will help and assist you and you will be so glad you started the service.  You need the break

Rescue mom

Dee/Dave…your situation is a little,different than the OP, but in my experience, my DH with Alzheimer’s hated,and was angered by, any suggestion that he needed help or watching. But if I said somebody was coming to help *me*, because I needed help (no reason given), that was ok.

Others told their LO the helper was a friend who needed help in the form of a job. That didn’t work for my DH because at that point he,did not care if anyone else needed help. But he’d go along with me needing help…Whatever works for you, that’s what you say.

Gig Harbor

He did well with the caregiver. They went for a 3.5 mile walk, she made him lunch and then they watched Gunsmoke. Later that night he did ask why that lady was in our house but didn’t ask about my dental appt. I have a different lady coming on Friday. This time I am saying that I was asked to mentor a lady who is training to be a caregiver. I will say that I agreed that she could come and that he will help her learn the job. When she leaves I will ask him how she did and make a “phone report” in his presence. Then I will agree that she can come back again because he is a good teacher. He did not have any idea where our house was on our walk today so I know I hired these ladies at the right time. Tonight he does not know how to turn on the TV. He has been fighting me about changing clothes so I convinced him that sitting in the hot tub would feel good. While he was in there I put all his clothes in the laundry. It is hard to stay one step ahead of him. Tonight I will finish putting alarms on all our doors leading outside because that will probably be my next issue.

abc123

Thank you for the update. You seem to be on top of things, good for you! I hope this continues to go well for both of you.

Pat6177

You’re very creative!

Ed1937

 That's fantastic! Glad it worked out so well. BUT.....

Gig Harbor wrote:

I have a different lady coming on Friday.

Is it possible to have the same caregiver every time? It seems like he could get used to one person, and kind of make friends with them. Or at least it would be a familiar face. Just a thought.

French

I am happy that it went well and impressed by your imagination. Your next excuse is a very good one. You will need more and more these caregivers it’s obvious.

It is fair to begin with activities, perhaps you will also need help for hygiene and then, he will be used to somebody else.

I have 3 people coming home (total 8 hours per week) plus 3 days of daycare (at 49, I m still working) .

It is 2*3 hours for social activities and 2 hours for morning routine (shower, clothing, breakfast). Now I am thinking to add 2 other morning helps per week in September because I will have to go to the office now.

Joe C.

Happy things went well Monday, hope you continue to have success with the caregiver.

LadyTexan

Great job Gig!

You are very creative with your solutions. It is very hard to stay ahead of my DH. In so many ways he remains quite clever. And yet, he cannot dress himself or read or figure out what to do when someone knocks on the door. The brain is fascinating and dumbfounding.

You are doing a great job. You have earned an imaginary trophy.

Gig Harbor

I went with two caregivers because I will have backup if one gets sick. These ladies are companions but don’t really do physical care. At some point when he needs care I will have to change. I needed people who could walk longer distances. This disease is hard because it constantly changes/ destroys their abilities.

David J

LT, that trophy is great!  Although the blue gloved middle finger seems to be raised…

Gig Harbor

Second caregiver came. She is younger and very friendly. They walked at least 5 miles and he never questioned a thing. She made him a great lunch and he never missed me at all.

Ed1937

Super! Glad it's working out so well.

60 falcon

Wow, that is nice! I'm happy for you two.