I quit my job to beome a full time caregiver

RobertsBrown

Hi Army_vet60

What you wrote would not have made as much sense one year ago.  As is often the case, I have 'caught up' to you, and Diana and I have many of the same experiences now.

I do the same things.  I adjust to her world, I don't ever try to correct language, and yes we watch a lot of movies where only one of us has any idea what is going on.  I find myself crying a lot while watching movies that didn't used to move me.  It's like living with my fragile wife has somehow super-multiplied my emotional response to things.  Even talent shows get the waterworks going.

Of course, it could also just be age.  Or fatigue.  Or maybe i am finally growing a heart.

As I write this Diana is singing with Elton John on the TV.  Apparently they are good friends, used to live across the street from each other, and maybe even went out once.  What matters is that in this moment she is happy, ergo, so am I.

Lynne D

RB, hero or moron? Nobody’s business but your own. I quit working at 59 to care for my HWD full time. It is for no other reason than who I am and who I need to be to love myself. Not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver.

CStrope, “You do it until you can’t do it” rings the truth. One challenging day I decided I could not do it and, guess what? Hospice thought I was right.

Hang in there, we are here to support you in whatever you do.

Scooterr

We all have are on road to travel, some my have more money, and some like me not so much money. I've come to the realization when my wife and I get to the end of our road, we'll be broke, and I'm totally satisfy with that. We're not materialistic, we never took gratification in making buckets of money, and we don't need stuff. Would more money make our life easier? I don't think so, I would still being doing what I'm doing now, and we all know what this outcome is. We both took jobs as public servants because that's who we are and we loved doing what we did. I to left my job in my late 50's a job I loved, but like Paris20 mentioned about responsibility, I to feel my wife of 40 plus years is my responsibility. Do I wish I could still be working hell yes I loved my job,  but I love her a little more. I believe right now I can give her the best care she can get right now. Robert I've accepted this is my fate, but no matter what I'll fight on, even though I know the outcome. One more thing no one should have to defend themselves on this forum over a post. We post our troubles, we vent, we celebrate our good days, and look for answers to our questions. Don't take that from the individual who started the thread, they deserve the respect. (we're all caregivers).

Just Bill

I see myself after this all over probably living in the desert in a trailer with a mangy mutt right next to a cheap golf course. That would be just fine with me.

John1965

Question 1 … There’s no correct answer, since every situation is unique. I got 100% support my decision to quit working six years ago (at age 50) to stay home and care for my wife. It also gave us precious time together while she was in the early stages of the disease. In hindsight I think it would have been good for me to have heard a counter argument to my leaving the workforce. Not having to look into other options for care (at the time it wasn’t so much care as companionship and passive supervision) has made my wife dependent on me and me alone. It was a huge step just to have her away from me for just a few hours. Six years being the sole person she depends on has taken physical and emotional tolls on me. 

Question 2: Again, it depends. I’m young enough that there will likely be light at the end of the tunnel. DW and I discussed  “what if” scenarios throughout our marriage. We both wanted the best for each other and to find happiness in another should tragedy ever strike. Similar thoughts were expressed after diagnosis when she was in the early stages.  We’re now at a point where she is totally dependent on me, physically and emotionally, and I doubt she remembers or could understand our earlier understandings. So, there is no doubt that she’ll go into care. I’ll be sad, but won’t beat myself up with guilt. The ten thousand dollar question is: What will trigger her going into care?   I’ll save that topic for another post, as I don’t want hijack this one. 

Kibbee

I was fortunate to get an early retirement offer at 60 and I jumped at it.  My DH had been on the Neurocognitive decline path for quite a few years and even though at that time he was still functioning pretty well, I knew it would only get worse.  And here we are three years later.  His cognition has slid even further, he can no longer walk and I need to be present to help him with many things.  I am grateful every day that I received that retirement offer and am sure that if I had not, I would have had to quit working at some point anyway.

Do I perceive myself as a hero?  Hardly.  I’m just a person faced with a challenge and I’m doing my best to meet that challenge.  Some days are easier than others, and when I really look at the bad times, I realize they are just moments within those days.  I remind myself just hang in there and get through the hard patch because once past it we get to the calm waters again.

Sometimes friends / family tell me I’m a saint/hero (ugh) or say “I could never do what you are doing”.  I just tell them that we do what we have to do, and that they will do the same if a challenge like this comes their way.  

sandwichone123

I answered a year ago, and I'll answer now. I did not want to quit working. I feel that the work I do has value and makes the world a better place. My dh and I did not spend our entire adulthood together, but I do think he's lucky we met just before he started to have symptoms, because I will care for him for the rest of his life, albeit not directly. I have recently placed him in Assisted Living that offers progressive care and I have been promoted at my job.

I don't consider Alz caregiver my fate, because I have chosen to retain this responsibility for care. After only a few years of marriage, few would place blame on me if I had divorced him, but I did not choose that path.

rannswann

There's a line in the song Roberta by Slaid Cleaves that goes: "But, that's life, I guess. A long string of tests."

That's how I feel about all of our collective ALZ challenges, young or old, EO or otherwise. It's a test of who we are and what we can and cannot do. No wrong way, no right way. Everyone reacts to bad sh-- in a different way. I think most people do a pretty good job when push comes to shove.

I imparted four rules for living to my sons. I've found they apply to every situation. They are:

1. Do your best.

2. Be Prepared.

3. Treat others as you would be treated.

4. Never eat anything bigger than your head.

Amen

Joydean

I did not officially quit my job, at first I took a medical leave of absence. My dh was about to turn 54 and I was to be 53. He was in a job accident and had severe brain injury plus so many physical injuries. I did not fully understand how bad the head injuries were. After 2 months it intensive care and another 3 months in therapy I got to take him home. By then my leave of absence was over but he could not be alone. So I made the decision to leave my job, a career I truly loved and had worked very hard to have. We then spent 3 years in physical and cognitive therapy. Dh was never the same again and finally Alzheimer’s was pronounced. So I have been his only caregiver for 21 years. I care for him because he is my husband, because I love him, and no it has not been easy,as each one taking care of their loved one,  but no one ever said it would be. No hero, no saint, just a wife loving her husband and doing the best I can. Do I wish we had money for help, sure, but there’s a old saying, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other, see which one fills up fastest.  We are who we are.

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Just Bill

HaHa good one !

Rennbird

Everything written on these pages, is why this is such horrible disease.  Since my husband died, I just sit here.  At first COVID restricted my movement, but I was relieved that the horror was over.  My first act was to turn my cellphone off at night.  My husband has been gone almost three years and two of those years were under COVID restrictions. Now I face life alone and struggle to remember my husband disease free.  I take it one day at a time.  Everything about this disease permeates one’s life both during and after.  We all do the best we can.  For reasons no one can explain, this has been our experience.  Whatever decisions one makes, we can only wish them well and pray that they have the stamina to cope.  Look for Grace and you will find wisdom.

JulieB46

I like that. We will do it until we can’t.  My DH has early onset and probably Louis Body as well.  I am an educator and just went back to work. Not sure how long I can work. I CAN retire, but I don’t WANT to retire.  My niece and nephew moved in to help on the days I don’t have help. Now she is pregnant with second baby and isn’t sure if she can “ deal with  his combative attitude “. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

douggieohare

I wonder how the OP is doing. Hope he's well, and they manage to find a way out of this situation.
I used to be a full-time caregiver for some time, and it was the toughest job I had. It was when I decided to become a phlebotomist and needed money for education. The  Online phlebotomy training program lasts less than 9 months, and I needed to make money to get access to it. And caregiver seemed a nice option because it's also commented to medicine. And I didn't know it would be that difficult to give all your time to a person and answer all their needs. It's exhausting.