How to deal with a parent not self-aware

ilwoody

Hello everyone,

my father is showing signs of Alzheimer for the symptoms we can observe. Also his father, my grand-father, has also spent the last years of his life with Alzheimer.

This has been the greatest fear of my father: to end like his father did. Sometimes he confessed this to his wife, my mother, that he prayed God just to not end like this.

It turned out differently. Not only he's forgetting the most basic things, but he's starting with people (just a couple of time for now). The greatest issue is the huge anxiety he lives with: every small thing that drives him out of his routine, makes him totally looses his mind. Shouting, swearing, even in public, it does not rationalize the situation, but totally looses control in total panic. No physical aggression.

We would like to arrange a visit so that we can certify that the Alzheimer is the issue: the problem is, as this would be his living nightmare, he would gone mad and would refuse with all his strength.

I don't think this is an isolated case, and would understand if other people would live this starting situation in total denial.

I yet have to check with a professional, but I have you dealt in situation like this.

Thank you very much.

PS: sorry for my english as it's not my primary language

LevisHouse

Good morning, ilwoody - 

I am the conservator for my aunt and it is the very same situation - ending up like her mother is her greatest fear in the world. In fact, she keeps saying "I am NOT my mother!" I agree with her because it is true, she isn't. But the disease is the same. My aunt just can't accept it and see that anything is wrong - but that is part of the disease. My aunt has had a neuropsych eval but has rejected the results and she has, until now, refused additional testing. My aunt is convinced she is going to get her driver's license back and after burning through every local doctor, who won't sign off on the paperwork, she has agreed to go to UCSF Center for Aging and Memory where she will get a thorough workup. Sigh...

I have no great answers for you - I just want to assure you that you aren't alone. This is hard. Your message says that English isn't your primary language, so I'm guessing that is true for your father as well, which may make it a bit more difficult to find the best care for him and support for you. 

Hang in there.