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LisaLH

Sorry, a little long.  My step father has been in AL for 2 years now.  I believe he is in the middle stages of Alz and yes he was diagnosised.  He dresses and feeds himself. He does have problems remember to bathe, forgetting he has dentures and incontinence.  I live 2 hours away and only put him in this AL because rest of the family lives nearby. I am his POA.  Of course as promises go, no one other than my sister see him.  She sees him once every other week to check on his cats and a short visit. I go the week in between.  He can make her uncomfortable because he always wants to hold her hand so she doesn't stay long.  Let me explain, he sometimes forgets our relation(he was married to our mother for 40 years) and we think he sees my sister as my mother or just a beautiful women.  Yes, he does "hit" on me occasionally but I just laugh and remind him I'm married.  It doesn't bother me.  The facility has recently changed management and the director and the 2 AL nurses left to go with the old company.  They took over June 1 and we still do not have a director or is the billing being done right and I'm not sure what else is going on or not going on.  I haven't received a bill for August yet!.  I'm starting to have concerns and wonder how traumatic it would be to move him to a AL near me which would also be in another city?  I have more time to see him which would give me peace of mind.  I don't believe he is ready for memory care yet so when that comes it will be another move.  I just have a feeling I need to do this.  Thoughts??

MN Chickadee

I recently moved my mom for similar reasons. The biggest one was distance (I was about 45 minutes from her facility.) There were also some post-covid staffing and communication issues with the facility. Nothing awful, just changes they made that made them a bit less attractive now. I moved her to a place 10 minutes from my house. It was so worth it. Just for routine visits it has made a huge difference. I see her almost every day. If she is having a bad day and not in the mood for a long visit I don't waste half a day driving so I just say oh well I'll try again tomorrow. It is so much better for both of us. Plus, once a PWD gets into the later stages there are often emergencies. All kinds of different things come up as the body is more affected, and having the POA be close really helps. It was nerve racking to be 45 minutes away while she was in an ambulance on her way to the hospital knowing she couldn't answer questions about her medical history or make decisions once she got there. A few hours would be hard. 

You say he isn't ready for memory care but what you describe definitely fits the memory care description in general. Is he in a high acuity AL? Once we're talking bathing and incontinence assistance, that usually graduates a person from AL. They usually don't have the staff ratio to deal with that. Not knowing what kind of place he is coming from or how finances/medicaid looks, I would give the following advice, which is what I would do if it were me: Look for a quality MC near you. Set the wheels in motion to move him in the coming weeks or months. There are ones that may kind of appear like AL (a spacious room or studio apartment, some amenities on site but it is locked and has the staffing ratio and dementia training to deal with personal/dementia care.) Somewhere he may be on the higher functioning end for now but can age in place and stay there until the end or close to the end. Let the sister who is squeamish about his brain damage causing him confusion on who she is do the driving. The one who has POA and has the commitment to actually steer the ship, visit often, and do the leg work should be the closest. Period.  It will help him to have regular visits and someone overseeing care regularly but will also will set both of you up for the long haul to be more successful. Things can change quickly with dementia, he may suddenly require more care. Place him based on his worst day, not his best. The only thing I regret about moving my mother is not doing it sooner. Totally worth the hassle. If the care is good, that is what matters not what town it is in. They kind of forget where they are anywhere. 

Emily 123

Sure--If you have concerns with how the facility is going to be run in the future, you can at least start broaching it with your sister and start looking at places, maybe get on a wait list if you need to, right?  Since they're in disarray, make sure that whatever notice you need to give is handed to the administrator in charge and dated/signed, with you keeping a copy.

LisaLH

He is higher functioning and I think that is where I get held up.  Most of the people in MC are not.  I want to make sure he has people to converse with and thats not always the case.  Thanks for your advice.  I'm going to see him tomorrow and see how things are going.  I will probably move him in the next couple of months.