I am in the club nobody wants to be in… I don’t remember the name.

French

 I am in the club I can't remember it’s name and can't find the post. But that's what I thought yesterday: oh no ! I'm in the poop club! It helped me a little to dedramatize the situation.

Yesterday I came home from work a little over an hour after he returned from daycare and as I walked up the basement stairs, I immediately smelled poop. I couldn't figure out what had happened. I found a roll of toilet paper that has lot of poop tracks, the bathroom floor had been cleaned but very badly, there was still a lot of poop in the  tiles joints, the handle of the broom also full of poop, stinking toilet paper balls in the laundry basket, with soggy underwear.

The tiles in the main room were also dirty, he must have dragged some under his socks. And later, I also found traces of it on the kitchen table.

He had changed clothes but not washed himself. I put him in the shower, he had poop all over his thigh.

I steam cleaned everything but I thought I would never get rid of the smell. I aired it out and this morning it didn't smell anymore, hopefully.

It makes my days longer: helping him wash and dress in the morning, going to work all day, spending 1 hour cleaning when I get home, having him wash again, preparing the meal... I already have to wash toilets several time per day because of pee.

This afternoon I'm seeing an agency to get help 2 more mornings a week before daycare and I'm starting to wonder if I should ask them to be there afterwards too. I knew the next fall would be difficult but I wasn’t thinking it will begin so early. 

LadyTexan

Some members refer to it as the Blue Glove Club and others refer to it as Wipers and Diapers. I call it a real sh!t show.  

I am sorry you are at this phase.  Poop clean up is stinky and exhausting. I am glad you are pursuing more assistance. I'm sure I would not be able to balance a full time job with poop clean up.

DrinaJGB

After my DH was discharged from 4 months of hospitalizations and neuro rehabs, I had to take him to outpatient PT--where it was a common problem of his neurogenic bowels to lose control. I also had to drive to see my dad in the hospital a few times and take DH with me. I got to where I was perfectly comfortable taking DH into any restroom(women, men,or family if they offered one).If someone walked in I simply told them I had a brain injured husband who had an accident. I was always met with kindness.

  It was not pleasant, but I got the deed done. At home I just went on auto pilot. One time I came home and knew he had gone in the toilet and clogged it. He tried to unclog the toilet, but I slowly realized what he had done with the overflow water---put it in a bucket and watered my very old houseplant with it!! Had to figure a way to drag that very heavy planter outside and get rid of my beloved plant.

Now his neurogenic bowel problem is pretty much contained (unless there is diarrhea and he cannot make it in time to the toilet). His bladder control from neurogenic bladder is very much improved over the years, but he still wears pads fro protection. It has been a very long road.

Blue Glove Club---priceless!

Gig Harbor

I don’t know how you do it but you do what you have to do. Here are tricks I used when cleaning up code browns with patients. Put on a mask with clove or peppermint oil sprinkled on it. Use shaving cream from an aerosol can to wipe on the poop. It covers the smell and softens the dried poop on their skin and surfaces.

French

Yes yesterday I wrote shaving can on my errands list. I already read post on that. Steam is efficient but doesn’t cover smells

Doityourselfer

I just say my husband is 100% incontinent and thank goodness for disposable briefs.  I thought the beginning of the incontinence stage was worse than being 100% incontinent because I never knew where the mess would end up.  Now it's contained in the disposables as long as he doesn't take them off.

Buggsroo

I am a full member of the blue glove club. I find sh-- everywhere, on the floor, around the toilet, on his sheets etc. He loves ice cream which if eaten in excess causes him to have accidents. He now tries to hide it because I imagine he is ashamed, but the smell is the first clue. I use Clorox cleaner for the floors and both toilets. I have given him grief when I do two cleaning up sessions in one day. It is annoying. I have asked to wear underwear to bed to save the sheets.

I buy all his bedding from Value Village, a thrift store here, so that continuous washings won’t matter. The cats also give him a wide berth, didn’t know it bothered them as it does me. I feel like the ladies in the 40s adverts who look like they’re hopped up on Benzedrine cleaning with a maniacal grin. Oh well, it is what it is.

JoseyWales

I don't want to be a member of this club! But it helps to know how you are all prepared for the future when I'll be dragged kicking and screaming into the clubhouse.

Battlebuddy

  Two days ago , in the early morning , I saw on the monitor that my husband was throwing up . I went in to help and found him with brown feet. That means he had a bowel movement and stepped in it.

   I told him there was caca on the floor and he said, “ Oh sh--! “ and smiled. That is exactly the joke my jokester husband would have inserted at that tense moment. Poor husband just a mess everywhere . But I was so worried about the vomiting it distracted me from the clean up. 

   It’s a terrible club to belong to but it is amazing how quickly one adapts and learns how to clean up in record time. It is what it is. Like someone said it’s only poop 

Newbernian

I admire all of you who have learned how to roll with the flow.  I'm not there yet??!  Thank you for all the tips you have learned and are willing to share.  May you be blessed abundantly for all the frustrations that you are carrying on your shoulders.  I hope I can be as courageous as you.

Battlebuddy

   I didn’t mean to belittle you French. I had all day to clean up my mess and relax when I was done. But you worked all day, are tired with low blood sugar when you encountered your mess. I would have been in tears. 

  I can’t imagine doing what you are doing at home with kids and working too. Your amazing 

Beachfan

French,

I am sorry to read of this new "development", especially as you have been diligent in pre-planning and arranging care for your DH.  It would seem that you had all the bases covered, but sadly, the bottom fell out, literally and figuratively.  I hope it's a once and done situation and you can continue working and managing your household and your life; I don't know how you do it.  I know I boast of my diligence in keeping DH continent; I also know my days are numbered.  I am filing all the information and tips I read about on this forum for the inevitable day when the honeymoon is over for me and the it-shay hits the fan at my house.  Stay strong!

French

Yes beachfan. I know that continuous attention would be the solution. But I wasn’t there. The end of daycare is at 4:30 pm. The bus let him at home at 4:35… and I never come back from my office before 6. He doesn’t go to the bathroom at the daycare, so when he comes back he rushes off to the bathroom. I asked the daycare staff to try to solve that and I know that now he used the toilets there.

For the moment I let him alone in the toilets, I should now go with him. Not easy… not because he will protest (perhaps but I would manage), just because I am reluctant to this new chores. 

I really do this caregiving  backwards ( not sur the French expression can be literally translated). It is not very fair for him, he would deserve a better caregiver, not someone who grumbles all the time as I do. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it.

Beachfan

Dear French,

I don't hear any grumbling in your posts!  Maybe frustration, sadness, discouragement with each new downturn for your DH.  You are not alone in your feelings; rather you are doing a fantastic job juggling work, childcare, care of your DH and your own self care.  

I certainly didn't mean to infer that I have all the answers to caregiving.  I just happen to be retired, older, children are grown, family is nearby and helpful.  It's much easier for me to watch DH 24/7, but no less frustrating and discouraging, and I do grumble, regularly and out loud!  Caring for DH is just what I do, but nowhere near as problematic as your situation.  I don't know how I would have handled this situation years ago when I was working, and the children were younger.  I hope it gets easier for you and know we are all rooting for you!  Hang in there.  Hopefully today will be a better day.  

Buggsroo

Hi French,

I complain when my patience has run out. I think that bitching about having to clean up poo all the time is quite normal. It stinks, it is messy and just downright awful. I do realize though that I have to be smarter. My husband would eat all day if I let him, so now I buy him frozen yoghurt instead of full fat ice cream. So far not as many accidents. It really is dealing with a child, arguing and reasoning gets me nowhere. So now am looking for other ways to solve the problems that come up.

So I salute all the caregivers out there. None of us signed up for this and I see a lot of resilience out there.

Stuck in the middle

Frozen yogurt is a good idea.  Eggs are a good choice too - very little poo, almost completely digested.

French

It wasn’t a once. Again yesterday when I came back from work… but less poo

Pat6177

Buggsroo,

Any chance that your DH has an intolerance or allergy to dairy? If so, there are non-dairy frozen desserts that are not bad. And I think sherbet is non-dairy. 

French

Pat, yes after hiking or an active day I know he has a kind of diarrhea and spend a lot of time « cleaning «  the bowl. But when he comes back from the daycare, he hasn’t been active. I also think that donepezil disturbs. He never had allergies and eat little dairy.

As it always happens when I am not at home, I really don’t know what happens. However I noticed that he is more and more confused to identify his needs. Yesterday evening we had friends for diner. At a moment during the diner he get up and began to pace. It lasted about 10 minutes. he even went upstairs. I asked him what was wrong. He answered : I wanted to know what was upstairs. I know that he gave this answer just to have an answer. He finally went to the bathroom and urinated, door wide open. It was the reason of the pacing, but it took him time to go to the bathroom.

I suspect that he poops when he pees standing up. Several months ago, I did some posters in the bathrooms to indicate « sit down to pee », I also asked him to do so because of the mess he does. If I am here to remind it, ok, unless, I have to clean. So having him sitting could be the solution… but I failed for the moment. If it continues, I will have somebody at home when he comes back from the daycare. 

Buggsroo

Hi Pat,

Thanks for the input but my husband would scream from here to Tuesday if he didn’t get ice cream. I am pleased because he does very well on frozen yoghurt. He likes it a lot and doesn’t seem to have any accidents. I buy him reduced fat cheese and that helps. He had prostate cancer at age 60 and had radiation. It damaged his colon so he has problems with overly rich food, aka high fat foods. I have to watch him like a hawk or he will eat all day. I am known as the Warden around here but I can deal with it.

Beachfan

French,

My DH spends a good portion of the day sitting with soft music playing while he appears to be asleep (but he is easily roused by noise or calling his name).  If he suddenly stands up and starts pacing,  I take him to the bathroom; sometimes he goes, not always.  Sometimes he will “shiver” like he’s cold and that’s usually a precursor to a BM.  I have gotten pretty good at interpreting his need to use the toilet and he sits to go, which is helpful.  Also helpful is the fact that he only needs to use  the toilet about 4-5 times in 24 hours and typically sleeps through the night.  I am with him 24/7; my situation is vastly different from yours, but maybe you will be  able to pick up some cues from him and head off some of the disastrous situations you’ve experienced.  Good luck!  I surely don’t envy you in dealing with this most recent development.