Prepping Mom for move to MC

Lindsay22

Hello all, 

We have found a MC facility that has space, gets good reviews and we can (sort of) afford.  We hope to sign the contract in the next couple weeks and move mom in shortly thereafter.  I have found it helpful when many of you shared your plans and experiences for the day of moving your LOs to a facility and we will take much of your advice there.  What about leading up to the move? Did you talk to your LOs at all about moving? Or just totally spring it on them the day of the move? I don't know that she would remember that I talked to her about it and I KNOW she won't like it on the actual day but it still feels strange to just never say anything and then move her one day.  

Also any tips on what to take/not take other than the obvious?  

ndhme

Lindsay, do not bring sentimental or valuable items.  They have a way of disappearing or get broken.  If all you need to provide is her clothing and toiletries then pack a small case with a few days of labeled clothing…you can bring more in a day or two…that you can quietly put in the car the night before. Hopefully someone else is going with you.  Arrive just before lunch (let facility know so they can have a lunch ready for her too) or activity time.  While one of you sit with her the other can bring in her case and put items away (bring hangers too).  The staff should also interact with her during this time. If there is an activity or movie scheduled shortly after stay and get her involved if you can.  Staff can help you slip out…you can say you need to go to the store or something and that you will be back…that’s not a lie, just don’t say when.  

With DH we went to his room after lunch for a bit but did not make a big deal of it. I put his favorite throw at the foot of the bed and he saw it and sat there for a few minutes.  

I did not tell DH what we were doing…I believe he thought he was in the hospital…so no fuss was made.  But telling your mom is up to you and what she understands/retains.  My DH always said early on he did not want to go to MC…I always told him I would keep him home as long as I could and I did. Hopefully she will acclimate fairly quickly.

LJS45

So my mom was placed in June of this year by her husband. We did not discuss her moving as we knew this would not be something she would agree to and it would be confusing for her. Her husband nor I wanted to take her to MCF so they came to the house and picked her up. She was told she was going to the doctor. When she arrived she was immediately taken to the garden for an activity and the MCF sent pictures of her. You know your mom best so it will be up to you to anticipate her reaction and decide from there. 

I would recommend taking things that are somewhat familiar. Perhaps her bed pillow, the same color/texture sheets she sleeps on now or a favorite quilt/throw. Also clothing that is easy to put on and take off. Put her name on everything you take and do not take any valuables. We were able to set up her room the day before she arrived which was helpful as the MCF she is in comes unfurnished.  Good luck to you and hope everything goes smoothly. 

harshedbuzz

Lindsay22 wrote:

Hello all, 

What about leading up to the move?

We decided on a strategy to get dad into the MCF. Dad was generally agreeable to going to medical appointments, so we posed the trip to the MCF as a new doctor to help him gain his strength back with the idea of presenting the MCF as a fancier rehab facility than the one he recalled after a hospitalization. 

In keeping with a "temporary stay at rehab" we decorated the space to resemble a hotel room- nice but not overly familiar. I hung some large photographs of his favorite golf course and brought in nice new linens. 

Obviously you don't bring valuables or things that can't be replaced. And you label everything. I mean everything- glasses, hearing aides and dentures. There seems to be 2 kind of PWD in MCFs- those who refuse to lock/close their doors and those who like to "shop". Things will go missing or turn up in unexpected places. There was one shopper at dad's MCF who routinely made off with his slippers and a photograph of my mother. 

Did you talk to your LOs at all about moving?

No.

Or just totally spring it on them the day of the move?

We totally sprung it. I came by to drive he and my mother to the "appointment with a new doctor" which seemed ordinary. I took my dad to most of his medical appointments so he was used to me being there. I don't think my mother could have managed the task on her own. I shared our plan with the director of the MCF and she assisted on the day of by suggesting we come just before an ice cream snack and movie. The social programming director whisked him away and seated him with two of the more outgoing residents and shooed us off. 

Some places like family to stay away for a few weeks; ours did not. Dad was pretty angry when we came to see him the next day, but he settled within a few weeks. It helped to visit in public areas those first few weeks as he was more likely to behave if there was an audience. 

I don't know that she would remember that I talked to her about it and I KNOW she won't like it on the actual day but it still feels strange to just never say anything and then move her one day. 

It seems as though this ghastly disease forces us to do things we would never consider ethical outside of the realm of dementia.  

Also any tips on what to take/not take other than the obvious?  

If you can, take another person with you for support. This is not a happy outing even when it's the best choice available and that drive away from the facility is hard.

Emily 123

Hi,

Take familiar things to provide visual cues that might help her do a task or identify something as 'hers'.  I took way too many clothing options--simplify the choices.  Also, the laundry does a great job at my mom's place, but the soap is necessarily strong--holding back some 'basics' if you have extras gives you clothes to switch out when things start to look kind of beat up or go missing.  I took a good power strip after making sure it was ok with the facility, as it made setting up the room easier and mom still uses her ipad a lot.  Best of luck!

Lindsay22

Thank you all for your responses, very helpful! You are so right harsed, I have done a great number of things already that I would never have believed would be required.  But such is this life in dementia land.  I think I will take all of your advice and just say "doctor's appointment" which she has been moderately compliant with in the past.  My husband will be with me so I'm grateful for that as well.