LO with dementia refusing to go to doctors

tess s

My mother started having short-term memory loss 5 years ago.    We were able to get her some testing 2 years ago, but at that time they felt she only had mild cognitive impairment and depression and otherwise would not give a diagnosis.  My mom refused to go back for follow-up because she blamed them for her memory loss,  and dad did not want to upset her further.

A few months ago, she and my father moved to the town where I live so they could be closer to me as they age, and so I could help out with any health issues.  Dad is 80 and in good health.  Mom, now 77, is really regressing in her behaviors since the move.   I realize how hard the move away from her home and house of 36 years must be for her, but I am worried that it is really causing an increase in her symptoms.  

She is locking herself in rooms for hours at a time, refusing to talk to us or go anywhere.  She won't let us help her with anything (I have asked to help her sort her medications and she flies into a rage).  I am not sure she is taking her medications appropriately, and not even sure how much she is eating, although my dad says all he sees her eat is sugary things.  Given that she is prediabetic, this is making things worse I am sure. She refuses to go see any doctors because she now says she wants to go back see her doctors in her hometown and won't see any new doctors.  I recently made an appointment  with a new PMD for her, and on the day of the appointment she refused to come out of her room.

I am not sure what options I have to get her a diagnosis and some help.  

I want to support her and my father as much as possible and don't know what to do since she is not established with a primary care doctor.  

Any advice is welcome.

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m sorry for your troubles.  I’ve not had this problem but I’ve read from the many wise people here that a “fiblet” may be in order. Something like she needs to go to a doctor visit to make sure her health insurance doesn’t lapse.  You also may want to discuss your concerns and behaviors you’ve seen with the doctor prior to the visit so there’s no discussion in front of her.

I’m hoping others will bring some advice. 

Emily 123

You can try the fiblet that a medicare 'wellness check' is due.  I believe medicare requires them.  You may have to get her in the car for some other reason and  just take her.  The doctor should be given a heads up about the behaviors you're seeing before she gets there.

It's not unusual to see a progression when familiar things are removed.  Your mom may be very scared that she can't recognize her surroundings constantly, and the bedroom feels like the safest place.  If she recognizes her losses that may be what's behind her resistance to seeing a doctor.  I know that it took my mom a good 6 weeks to be able to start to settle in at her AL, and about 3 months to start to 'be familiar with the daily routine.  

You may want to be more proactive with the meds, and not involve her in organizing them--just have them ready for her to take at the correct time each day.  You can buy pill organizers online or from the drug store.  Her using these is predicated on her being able to identify the correct day and date.  Can your dad assist with making sure she's taking her meds?  Another helpful thing might be an 'alzheimer's clock' (search it on Amazon). 

A routine and a lot of sameness is reassuring to the person without a good working short term memory.  If there are ways to reduce the choices she has to make every day, or to reduce the things she has to do, it will make life a lot easier for her.  

This helped me understand a little better why my mom was doing certain things:

http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf

Good luck!

tess s

Thanks everyone for your help!

I also reached out to the helpline yesterday and they were great.

I am so grateful to have all the support from this group.

Tess

sandwichone123

I set my spouse up with a new primary care provider via a virtual visit. It was very helpful, and within about two minutes the new provider was onboard with what I was wanting at the time: a neuro consult. You might try for a virtual visit, as even hearing your mom through the locked door is some assessment and may lead to helpful advice, prescriptions, etc.