help, decision to make(1)

LisaLH

Hey everyone,

I am moving my father closer to me.  Currently he is 3 hr and 40 minutes round trip from me.   He is currently in AL but seems to be declining some.  I'm not sure if he is bathing, brushing his teeth and when I was there a few days ago he hadn't shaved in a few days or more.  The are quarantined to their rooms at this time because of 3 COVID cases there so I'm not sure if the shaving has something to do with that.  The bathing and teeth I've wondered about for a bit.

I have found 2 places that will let him bring his cats and that I like; one is AL with an attached MC which is 20 minutes away and the other is MC only and is 40 minutes away. He is high function ALZ, this is per the nurse at his current location.  My heart wants to put him at the one closer in AL and then hope that I like it and the MC so he can eventually be moved there.  My head says the MC only would give him better care when I'm not around.  The do so much with their residents.  This isn't only based on what they tell me.  They are on social media and post pics of their activities all the time.  As you can see I'm really torn.  I would like to keep him in AL, bigger rooms for one, but I'm wondering if I'm just borrowing trouble as the saying goes and since I'm moving him from AL I should just have him go to MC so he doesn't have to move again??  Thoughts or opinions??

PS. I've been crying on and off today because this decision is so hard.  I hate crying! 

jfkoc

It is one of the hardest decisions.

Are the two facilities truly comperable? 

Staff initial and ongoing training, staff turnover, staff ratio to client. Read both contracts thoroughly. Check safety ratings and inspection violations. Check which services are listed on their license.

You can do these things online or by telephone.

Jerome Likes Pie

I would recommend sending both places an RFP with questions that you expect detailed answers to in writing.  Some questions should be specific to the care your father needs.  He will eventually be in MC, but you ultimately want him in the best MC (the 20 minutes difference between the two is not critical in my opinion).

Then after receiving the completed RFP's, schedule a tour of both places and ask to speak with the head of the facility.  Make sure they answered completely.  Ask the head how committed they are to your father's care and happiness.  Research whether they have any state violations and review their statement of deficiencies and plan of correction online.

Try to base your decision on objective factors that are supportive to your father's care... possibly make a Pro/Con List and prioritize the factors.  This is a big decision... treat it as such.  My two cents..

Pie

Sligo177

Hi LisaLH,

I'm sorry you have this decision to make, it's a very hard time for you.  Other replies are great, saying investigate each place thoroughly - that's a wonderful idea.  That will definitely help you make your choice.  

He is in AL now, and isn't able to do some of his personal care, that suggests he may need more help, and that maybe MC is right for him now.  

Please know that you will be making the right decision, no matter what you decide, because it is toward getting him more care and closer to you.  Bless you!!!

LisaLH

Thanks everyone,

I am moving him to MC about 40 minutes away in the 2 months.  I am at peace with it.

ladyzetta

Lisa,   It is great that you were able to find a MC facility they will let him bring his cats. Take Care.

Jo C.

Glad you found a setting you are comfortable with.  Am sending best wishes for all to go well and to have a really good transition.

By the way; for those who were wondering:  RFP means, "Request For Proposal," which is simply requesting information.   Must be cautious if "demanding" items - these days care settings are not so apt to accept new residents/patients if it seems the family is going to be problematic and uber-demanding. HOW we interact and request things when doing our search makes a difference.

J.