Is it time to choose a nursing home?

Mobile AL

I've about decided that I won't be able to be of help to Daddy Elf much longer.  He has steadily been getting worse.  Over the past 3 months he has lost bowel and bladder control.  I'm deep scouring his bathroom and bedroom floor about every 3-4 days.  He'll swear to me that he doesn't know who makes such a mess in the bathroom or floor or bed. I've caught him going into the family room, thinking it's the bathroom. Or coming into my room or other rooms in the house during the night, thinking it's the bathroom. Adult diapers?  He just pulls them off when I leave the room.  I've had to clean the floors where he goes toward the bathroom when he loses control of his bowels. I've had to pull his clothes out of the toilet. I know one day he will flush the toilet with some clothes in there and I'll have to clear it myself or call a plumber out, so I check his toilet every couple of days.

He doesn't wander off but he has gone outside during the night, looking for his house or my mother, who died 2 years ago, or some of his family. He gets up during the night and makes himself some toast and I've caught him about to pour a cup of coffee in the toaster rather setting the cup in the microwave. I keep the toaster unplugged when not in use but he has been known to plug it in himself even though he is losing his eyesight. The doctor said it wasn't unusual for a dementia person to lose their eyesight but it's actually the connection between the eyes and the brain that causes it. 

Daddy can barely walk around and I'm sure he'll fall one day so I'm constantly on edge when he moves around but I know he needs to keep his circulation going. I've installed a rail down the hall leading to his room. He refuses to use a walker or even a cane to move around.

Me? I'm doing the best I can but I'm almost 70 yrs old and it is getting very hard, especially when I lose too much sleep. Daddy sleeps most of the day and night; I wake him up for breakfast and then about 5:00 for supper. He might stay up a couple of hours before he goes back to bed. 

Sorry this post is so long but I have to try to convince myself that he would be safer in a SNF rather than at home so I'm needing reassurance from someone who has had to make this decision and get opinions from those who know what it's like to be a caregiver for a LO.

Thanks for reading my rant!

Mobile AL

I would prefer daddy go into a MC facility but the cost is out of the question. I've been looking into some facilities daddy's doctor has steered me to but am just getting more confused with finding a facility where I think he would be safe and treated well. What issues do you consider regarding nursing homes?

jfkoc

You will need to find a placement with properly trained staff in dementia care. I do not think a nursing home is going to have this training.

Stuck in the middle

My mother went to a SNF at age 90, when she needed care I was not qualified to provide.  In your case, it sounds like your father needs someone who is awake all day and all night to prevent injury, a fire, etc. even though he sleeps most of the time.  Since no one person can do that, he needs a place with a night shift.  A SNF is probably the best choice if he can't pay for MC.

Cynbar

jfkoc, in some states (like mine) Medicaid will not pay for MC. In that case, the only choice is a nursing home if private funds aren't available.