OT- How can you mend a broken heart?

ButterflyWings

Not the song... forum mates this is off topic but there is such wisdom and experience here, I am seeking help on behalf of a non- PWD loved one. They asked me for any help or suggestions, so I’m turning to my go-to sources.

Almost 30yr old is devastated and really struggling after engagement was called off out of the blue, last month. Broke up, moved out, doesn’t know what happened. 4 year relationship just over. Stiff upper lip is admirable and respectful of the other party but isn’t working to heal his broken heart. My heart is breaking too, seeing this severe pain. 

I know 2020 & ongoing sheltering has done a number on lots of relationships. But I sure want to have some good recommendations for this loved one who has asked for help. Any tangible resources or next steps you recommend? Thank you 

abc123

Dear Butterflywings, This is terribly sad. Were you close to her too? Something similar happened to my 33 year old daughter. Four years ago my son in law walked away from his 10 year marriage to my daughter. He literally left with the clothes on his back to be with a woman he worked with. My daughter was emotionally broken over this, it effected her physical health and her job performance. It broke her spirit. At times, I thought she was suicidal. I truly believe had she not had a 7 year old to raise, she would have never recovered from this. Seeing her in such pain was by far, the hardest thing I have ever experienced. She would not talk about it with me or her closest friends. She would not say one word about him or what happened. There was absolutely nothing I could do or say to console her. The ONLY thing I could do was be readily available 24/7 for the emotional breakdowns when she would bottom out. Phone calls at all hours and/or actually making an hour drive happen in 45 minutes to get to her. Butterfly Wings I feel your pain. Tell him you love him, hug him as tight as you can. Tell him how sorry you are that he is hurting. Being there for him, with him, in his pain, is the only medicine I have found for a broken heart. It was two years gone before my daughter could smile again, at three years she started to show interest again in herself, her friends and her home. Now, four years later, she can spend holidays with her ex husband and his girlfriend for the sake of my grandchild. To say I'm proud of her would be a huge understatement. Your precious son will be happy again but it will take time. He's lost in his grief. He and you, will both be in my thoughts and in my heart.

loveskitties

The end of a long term relationship is always difficult, particularly if it happens suddenly and without significant signs.

The grief felt is like those of a loved one dying.

If your friend googles "death of a relationship", there are a number of sites which talk about the stages and how to deal with those feelings.

We can only hope that after a while, positives from the breakup can be seen (if I were engaged or married I could not or would not have been able to....), and that in his future the "Miss Right" will appear to give him that happiness he thought he lost today.

As with any loss, it takes time. 

abc123

PS

Kate took up kick boxing. It's her new found passion. She's actually pretty good at it and it makes her smile. Maybe a new hobby would help him. After my husband passed, I started listening to and supporting the local musicians in my town. I have found a circle of new friends, young & old. Some are actually like family and I love them to pieces. I wish the best of everything to your son!

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Iris L.

IMO he dodged a bullet.  Better now than later.  He might watch Kevin Samuels on YT, especially videos from one to four years ago.  He has good advice for all young men.  

Iris