Physical Abuse

Norma W

Hi All,

A new wrinkle to our situation, mom has begun to get physical.  I was slapped in the face a few weeks ago and just yesterday she grabbed my hair and wouldn't let go.  Had to get DH to come into the bathroom and pry my hair from her hands.  She has also grabbed her nurse by the throat the other day while trying to get her showered and changed.  We love her nurse and don't want to lose her over this.  I'm sure this is nothing new with ALZ patients.  

I'm just not sure what to do or how to avoid it.  Waiting to hear back from her neurologist to see if possible meds can help keep her calm.

Ugh!

abc123

Norma, please be very careful. Some PWD become dangerously violent. I think your mom should be evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist for her own safety. I’m very sorry.

Laura4yoga

I understand how scary and startling this can be! Sometimes medication is the answer, but please think about some of these other options too. Of course you want everyone safe and this may take a few days, but try to get to the root of why this behavior may be happening first. Put on your detective hat! watch for patterns and see if the physical outburst occur at a certain time or when a certain activity is being done or performed. Sometimes as caregivers we have an “agenda” let’s get this shower done, clothing on, etc…and sometimes we can easily miss some very easy nonverbal signals from our loved ones just prior to an event! Prevention is key here! Is there a history or an experience in their past that can be triggered by this action or caregiver skill? Knowing and researching their personal history from long ago may help to guide you. Pain, sadness, or being scared can trigger anger and all come from an emotion we can’t see or relate too! This so very difficult to navigate! Even just the person living with dementia being too cold, hot, hungry, thirsty, lights too bright, too dim, or too loud of an environment can easily disrupt their comfort and well-being. I wish you the best and you are not alone! Take care of yourself and when it’s get tough, pause, take a breath, and ask yourself if this task really has to be done, and if you sense tension coming from her, stop, change the activity, location, or step away safely for a moment. Have back up help to call in!

Laura4yoga

Teepa Snow also has a lot of videos and online resources to assist in caring for our loved ones with dementia.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpXeefZ2jAM

Jo C.

Don't forget to have the primary MD check her for a "silent" UTI. That can cause tremendous behavioral changes to the very negative side of the ledger in some persons with dementia.

J.

jfkoc

What to do...try to figure out the trigger and avoid. Not easy.

What may help...no not argue, do not reason and forget most choices. Let go of everything that you can. For example bathing. Bathing can be frightening and usually  bathing can be skipped a day or two. Make very certain when bathing it is a good experience...everything warm...hand help shower...reward to follow. Think spa.

I think Teepa has a video on this. 

Approach is crucial !!!!!!

Do check on the UTI asap.

abc123

Laura, thank you for your input. You shared some very helpful information.

Norma W

Thanks everyone for the info and help.  It didn't take much to figure out, it has all happened in the bathroom.  She doesn't understand when I tell her not to do unsanitary things in the restroom.  Trying not go into the gory details, but I'm sure you can figure out what's happening.

I have tried leaving 'bathroom rules' signs around where she can see them, that's not working either.  I'm sure it's a combination of frustration and embarrassment that she just can't convey with words.  I try to explain but know it isn't getting through to her.  I think the explaining part is for me more than her.  I still hold out hope she'll learn but know she can't.

Living with an 80 year old 'two year old' isn't for the faint of heart.

We do have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a few weeks.