Incontinence(6)

tcrosse

My DW has gradually become incontinent. When I try to pull down her soiled pants she fights like the devil. I'm stronger than she is, so eventually brute force wins out. But I'm afraid I might hurt her, and it doesn't help that I get very angry. Sweet talk lost its power long ago. Any ideas?

DrinaJGB

Get disposable underwear which can be ripped off at the side seams, then clean with wipes (or in the case of BM, wipes and shaving cream), and replace with fresh disposable underwear.

Ed1937

My wife has been urine incontinent for quite some time, and now has occasional bowel incontinence. One time while I was busy, she went into the bedroom to have a BM. We don't have a bathroom attached, and she had it everywhere on her legs and hands. When I tried to get her into the bathroom so we could get her cleaned in the shower, she refused. Like you, I had to use brute force, and I really felt bad about it. Then I made sure I had wipes in the bedroom, along with a bag for garbage. Of course incontinence underwear and other clothing are always available there. I did have to use it once, and I was glad it was available.

Whenever anything stressful like that happens, the first thing I do is tell myself that it isn't her fault, even as she refuses what I ask of her. Then I don't get angry, but just try to console her while I do what has to be done. It's always hard, but it can be done. Best of luck to you. We understand, and we have your back.

Of course Drina's post is golden.

LadyTexan

My DH has been wearing disposable briefs for a while now. He is more likely to have fecal accidents than urinary accidents. He often does NOT realize he has had a BM. He is offended when I even ask. But I persist.

Yesterday when I showered him, he had dried poop remnants on his bottom that were tangled in his butt hair. Although I applied plenty of shaving cream to his bottom to soften the poop and was especially gentle, the shower was uncomfortable for us both. He must have remembered the discomfort today because he told me promptly after he had a bowel movement. He asked me to check his hiney to ensure it was clean. That was great, but I suspect a fluke.

I do buy the disposable briefs with the tear away sides. I keep shaving cream handy in both bathrooms. I have been fortunate (so far) that I usually have been able to talk my husband through the process while I am changing his disposable briefs. 

• I maintain a calm voice. 
• I don't say anything about his briefs being soiled. 
• I simply say, I am going to get you some fresh underwear. 
• I give him simple instructions. 
• I thank him for helping me. So far it is working.

Good luck. 

DrinaJGB

I also keep 2 things handy after these incidences.  A nail brush and a big bottle of cheap 100 proof vodka. When they are confused they can get the bacteria under the nails and, not only spread it around, but ingest it.

 This will cause E. coli bacterial enteritis. Scrub the nails with a brush with very warm, soapy water. Pour the vodka across their hands or on a cloth.After spouse has been cleaned up I swab the bathroom with the vodka. It will not ruin your clothes like bleach. If you and your spouse get enteritis from unclean hands, you will have yourself a sh**load of bigger problems to deal with. Trust me.

Ed1937

Drina, instead of vodka, wouldn't alcohol work?

DrinaJGB

Yes, it would but on realty bad days I can take a swig. Two birds and all that.

Ed1937

DrinaJGB

Ed1937--In truth, I have the vodka already handy to make herbal tinctures--so I just also use it for cleaning (spray bottle). During covid it was impossible to find alcohol, so my cheap big bottle of vodka came in very handy Take care!!

Doityourselfer

My husband usually gives me a difficult time when it's time to change his disposable briefs before he goes to bed.  He's a foot taller than I am but I get the job done by distracting him by talking about anything except changing his briefs.  If he's still agitated, I'll wait a few minutes and try again.  He can still stand and hold onto the dresser or wall for balance while he lifts his legs so I'm able to get his briefs on.    I also have adjustable disposables on hand just in case.  

Distraction and patience have helped us many times. 

CaregiverHelen

I laughed out loud at your response about the vodka swig. A “thanks, I needed that” moment! I woke up today to a fecal trail on the beige carpet from the bathroom, on the floor, walls, etc. Yesterday was so stressful, I just had to get SOME  sleep after DH refused to sleep. I didn’t know about the shaving cream. Will try that. So it cleans and softens particles...any particular type to buy? Thank you.

Beachfan

I am not there yet…..yet, but I file away useful knowledge for the future.  I believe the shave cream is the “old school” kind, foamy and white- - Barbasol, maybe?  Definitely not gel, just the cheaper stuff.  Someone further along can correct me.  Good luck.  Hate the thoughts of things to come.

CaregiverHelen

Thank you beachfan and drina!

June45

Beachfan wrote:

I am not there yet…..yet, but I file away useful knowledge for the future.  I believe the shave cream is the “old school” kind, foamy and white- - Barbasol, maybe?  Definitely not gel, just the cheaper stuff.  Someone further along can correct me.  Good luck.  Hate the thoughts of things to come.

Yes, Beachfan, I use Barbasol, Thick & Rich Shaving Cream, Original.  It works great!!

DrinaJGB

I use the shaving cream for sensitive skin with aloe if they have it--but anything rich and foamy works. Also those large baby wipes are good. too to freshen up more, and some cornstarch powder to sprinkle around inside the underwear to protect skin. Always be on the alert for skin redness, and get some protective cream if you see a red area forming--to keep skin from breaking down.Good luck!

French

We are beginning in this progression

Beginning of the year : flushing less and less done

May - July : some first accidents with poo in the trousers. I was thinking that wiping was forgotten.

August : twice I found poo in the bathroom and unable to know what happened.

This weekend to the seaside, two accidents again. The first one, he was complaining of bellyache. When I accompanied him to the toilets, it was too late. The second one, we were on the beach. he was pacing and when I asked what was wrong he answered his leg was armful. I tried to have him sitting but immediately he was getting up. I proposed to go to the bathroom but he was refusing. Back to my friend house, poo in his underwear.

Today I decided to change his diet. We always had a Mediterranean diet (with less pasta). We eat mainly fresh or dry vegetables and also a lot of fruits. Few meat and starch. Sometimes cheese but not everyday. I prepare everything. 

 I can’t do the link between what we have eaten and the accidents. It happened twice coming back from the daycare, where they have meat and starch. Yesterday we had some fish,  vegetables and a chocolate cake.

Perhaps we eat too much vegetables. I will first add starch at all the meals.

And I begin to go monitor non-verbal signs, and then to with him to the toilets… when I can.

He will let me easily, but this is on thing more…

CaregiverHelen

French, VERY helpful. Thank you as well! Helen

French

We are all searching in the night… what will happen ? when ? How fast? Incontinence is one big unknown that has lot of implications in our caregiving.

We all know that every PWD will have his/her own progression, but how it helps to know how it progressed for the others. Then we can recognize patterns, monitor the steps and prepare the possibly next one… it is why I share. This kind of input helped (and still helps) me a lot.

In our case fecal incontinence seems to come first and as I don’t know the end of he story, I don’t know how long it will be.