Maintaining some personal space

M1

I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with this.  We have separate bedrooms because we're both light sleepers. One of the few things my partner still likes to do is clean, but I can't keep her out of my personal things in my bedroom. Neither of the doors has a lock, and I think she would not take kindly to that, but she'll come in and rearrange my papers and journals, and mess with things on the bathroom vanity and even in the vanity drawers. Today she threw away a half used tube of toothpaste I was still using and got mad when I asked her about it and asked her not to do that. Of course she didn't remember any of it.  Is a lock the only answer? It may seem small but it really bugs me to not be able to have some boundaries respected.

Ed1937

Hello M1. If you need to keep her out of your things, I'm afraid a lock is likely the only way to do it. I wish there were another way, but she won't remember.

60 falcon

M1, I bought some of those inexpensive for doorknob covers meant to keep young children from opening doors.  I put them on the doors to the outside and the door leading to the basement.  They're hard plastic and the two halves simply snap together over the knob. The doors are still easy to open, but my wife hasn't figured them out yet. Very simple, cheap, and only cost a few bucks.  I got them at Walmart in the baby section.  My wife never mentioned then or complained, and she watched me out them on. 

Another idea is to replace your doorknob with a inexpensive interior doorknob that has the push-button lock on the inside. Then you'd just need a toothpick or something to push into the hole to unlock and open it when you want in.  You could maybe sell it to her by "complaining" that the knob is broken and that there's a trick to during with it to opening it.  I've done that with our spare bedrooms and my wife just accepted it.

As my wife progresses, I'm surprised that it is often easy to "outsmart" her, and I'm equally surprised that she doesn't complain or figure things out.

I agree that maintaining personal space is so hard to do.  We give up so much as caregivers, but maintaining some boundaries is both necessary for our sanity and their safety.

Jo C.

You have been the kindest and most thoughtful person and have gone way out of your way to respect and not upset your beloved partner throughout all that is happening.

You mention being bugged by your boundaries not being respected; she is no longer able to do that; she no longer can think in that way.

This is the point at which there is no other answer to this except putting a lock on the door. Yes; she may indeed be upset about it, but this journey is going to bring times when there is no other alternative but to take action that our LO may not like.   There may be some initial noise, but it will have an end point. 

A lock on your door will keep other significant issues from happening since her disease is worsening.  You are alriight; you are still the loving and kind person you always have been; you are simply taking care of what needs to be addressed. 

Let us know how it goes,

J.

M1

Well unfortunately it's a door handle that's not going to be easy to replace.  It's a push lever, not a knob, so the covers won't work.  And it does lock from the inside, but I fooled with it today and can't get it to unlock from the outside even with an instrument specifically made for that purpose.    So I don't think there's any fixing it, for now.  It would be a huge deal to replace the whole thing.  I already keep the door shut--with the excuse that I don't want the cats in there, which is mostly true---but I don't know that there's anything else I can do for now.  Maybe I'll see if there's something I can put on the hinges, but I'm not optimistic.  Again, all of these things are very much in a builder's bailiwick, so it's a bit harder to get around her expertise on these things.

jfkoc

you could try a simple hook and eye placed either above or below eye level however not being able to get in my be upsetting to her

Stuck in the middle

I have a desk that locks, and a file cabinet that does the same, in my office (an alcove entered from my bedroom).  I don't keep toothpaste in them, but they keep papers where I can find them yet out of sight.

Iris L.

Get one of those rubber things that you push under the door, like at a hotel.  Some come with an alarm. 

Your LO no longer understands "boundaries."  Give her some towels and socks to fold.

Iris

loveskitties

After looking around, it appears that the biggest problem with most baby or dementia door locks is that if you put it on the hall side of the door, you have to be sure that the lock nor the LO cannot lock you in the bedroom.  Most of these locks are designed to keep persons inside, not to keep them from entering a room.

Any lock installed must be high enough so that LO cannot lock you in.

John1965

Look up “surface door bolt” on Amazon. 

We have one at the top of our basement door. Easy, effective, discreet.