Need a little input, please

Ed1937

My wife is sometimes fecal incontinent, but the majority of times, she isn't. If she goes into the bathroom for a BM, chances are that if I'm not in there, I will have some cleanup to do. Sometimes not too bad, other times not too good. She can't use TP without getting it on her hands.

But she wants her privacy, which I would love to give her. Today she went into the bathroom, and I instinctively knew it was not going well. So I went in, and she's yelling at me to "Get out". I wouldn't do that because I don't need to get her in the shower, and clean the whole bathroom again. The thing is that she gets really angry, but 5 minutes later she's fine (assuming we're out of there by then). How have you handled it when it came to privacy issues like this? I'm sure I'm not the first to deal with this. 

Ernie123

I would suggest you establish the habit of always going into the bathroom with your wife and just make small talk or look busy while she attends to business. If she is usually in there by herself, then when you do come in it surprises her. But if you get her used to you always being there it should no longer be an issue. I have to watch my DW closely for all the same reasons. If I see the need to intervene to help with cleanup, I just say “ let me help a bit here, just lean forward”   and then I use the large baby wipes to cleanup. She doesn’t mind because she doesn’t like to be dirty and she seems to realize she can’t deal with it on her own anymore. I just act like everything  is great and we have always done this. Stage six is really like a toddler stage for toileting. If she just has a pee and everything looks ok, I just have to help her wash her hands which she would never remember to do. But because I am always there she doesn’t see the need for privacy. And if clothes need to be changed it is done there and then.

And I often reflect on the fact my DW was a fastidious operating room nurse for decades who now because of dementia needs help wiping her bum and washing her hands.

Ed1937

Ernie, thanks for the reply. My wife is also an RN, but if I don't insist that she washes her hands, she probably won't do it even if dirty. It's amazing the things she thinks is OK now.

DrinaJGB

This is the one ongoing issue we have dealt with for over a decade now. My DH always seems to think that using just one tiny square of tp is sufficient for wiping. I have given up trying to explain why this is not acceptable.

  In my rational mind I tell myself that the damage to the insular cortex results in an inability for the emotion of disgust. It simply is not there any longer, so he sees no reason why one tiny square is not okay.

  Of course, this always results in soiled hands and nails. Like the two of you it is so heart-wrenching compared to that once brilliant mind. He was a graduate of Rice in Architecture. Those hands are still very talented and draw daily--some very complex. But he is so different now. Actually, so am I.

Cherjer

We remodeled our bathroom last fall to make everything easier with DH with AD. The best thing I ever did was install a bidet. DH cannot use the remote so I do it for him. It has been a life saver for me.

jfkoc

I remember others saying that shaving cream was the best for cleaning poop. My only suggestion is way outside the box.....try singing

Stuck in the middle

If you sing, I suggest the old Alka Seltzer jingle.  "Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, Oh, what a relief it is!"

Ed1937

I've tried singing, and other things to lighten the mood. None that I've tried work so far.

abc123

Ed, I get what you’re saying about the privacy, my mom is the same way!!!! She is completely incontinent  now. But before, when she was in the bathroom, I would knock lightly on the door, apologize for bothering her and pretend I needed something from the linen closet and I would poke around in the closet pretending to look for something. I could keep an eye on her and help if necessary. Sometimes it worked sometimes it didn’t. I’m sorry Ed.