Infidelity accusations(2)

CaregiverHelen

One of the most horrible symptoms of Lewy Body Dementia is when your husband accuses you of infidelity. This morning my DH woke up and was extremely angry at me. He repeatedly called me a “prostitute” and said some really vile things regarding his delusions of me being “with other men all night.” He also wanted to hit me. He has had this unwarranted delusion in the past and it’s really tough. He won’t let it go. He left the house and started walking down the street but luckily I got him back into the house by saying his son, who never answers his calls, was on the phone. I will speak to his neurologist on Monday. But trying to divert away from these thoughts is so difficult. I have been a devoted wife for 25 years and now his caretaker, but it is taking its toll on me now. Anyone have similar challenges? I know you can’t reason with them in this situation,  but I am at my wits end...

Ed1937

Hi Helen. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's pretty common, and always unwanted. Here is a video that might help. There are other videos on youtube concerning accusations. I hope this helps a little, even though it will not eradicate the thought that you are cheating. Dementia and being accused of cheating 

CaregiverHelen

Thank you so much, Ed. I have watched some of this gal’s other videos and she’s very good. She explained really well how this can snowball into other behaviors, too. My DH had them ALL this morning! My husband does not “redirect” very well, so I guess I will just have to try my best to assure him I am here for him and love him.

This is the hardest symptom to deal with, and I just wondered what others do in this situation.

(Sigh) Thank you for your kind help!

CaregiverHelen

By the way, Ed, I noticed that you always seem to be one of the first to respond when people reach out for help. I just wanted to thank you for your kind and compassionate soul, and being so willing to help others. Your family is blessed, but we are so lucky to have you on this forum as well. So nice to talk to people who understand. Thank for all your help, and my best wishes to you!! Helen

Ed1937

Thank you, Helen. Many times others have better answers than I, but it's good to know that maybe I've helped someone.

French

One question about violent behavior and accusations.

 Some people ask me if my partner is violent or agressive. He is not at all, completely apathetic. Event when I haven’t been kind with him and apologize, he answers it is his fault.I could have affairs (no time for that as you imagine), I think he would certainly be sad but wouldn’t complain and would find me good reasons.

I am thinking that he has always been a positive man, very confident in himself and in others. I assume that people who become agressive or accuse others are people who already weren’t confident and positive. But perhaps I extrapolate ? Perhaps he will become aggressive too ?

Stuck in the middle

French, personality changes are not uncommon.  Some people were always aggressive and lose their filters in dementia so become more aggressive.  Others who were not aggressive become so with dementia.  However, all PWDs do not become violent or aggressive.  There is no way to know what the future will bring with your partner or mine.  We just have to adapt as changes occur.

Jude4037

The person you are before AD has nothing to do with the person you change into. My husband has always been kind and caring. I do not remember him even raising his voice in anger at me or our children. He has always respected women and would never lay a hand on me or our children . But now……he has smack by hands if I try to touch him and pushed me around. He’s locked me out of the house and thrown things around . He cusses and calls me names. He isn’t that way all the time but when he has his outbursts he is mean and at first he could be redirected but not now. He is currently in the geriatric psyc unit while they try to find drugs to calm him with no success. He has shoved the nurses computer to the floor , thrown a portable phone and broke it and used a walker as a weapon and choked another patient saying she took our families money. He’s hit most of the nurses and aides and needs to be given a shot to subdue him.

Any friend I tell some of his actions cannot believe it. This is not what I expected when he was diagnosed but this is our life.

I sincerely hope you don’t have to deal with this behavior it’s so awful. Not everyone gets so angry and physical. I often think he’s using part of his part of his brain he never used before because the connections he used before are damaged. 

Pam BH

Helen, I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. My DH is exactly the same and for me it's the worst of his delusions.  In the beginning I was devastated because it signaled that our unbelievable love story was over, but then I found this forum and realized how common this delusion is. The video Ed recommended is right on and I wish I'd seen it earlier but I essentially went through all the steps she talks about. At first I tried to reason (impossible!), I cried a lot to myself (not productive), and then just tried to reassure him without denial because denial made him angry. It was ALWAYS on his mind and his anxiety was almost palpable. I would suggest mentioning this to your doctor.  My DH's PCP prescribed both Zoloft and Memantine which dulled the anxiety significantly. He still mentions it but now it's more as a passing remark rather than a full-blown accusation. He's been on the medication for 6 months and it's been a huge relief. I wish you peace and patience and luck. It's an awful disease!