Costly nighttime shenanigans
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My husband likes to flush things down the toilet that aren’t supposed to go down the toilet. Our gas bills are higher than they should be because he puts the heat on during the summer. So I have to check constantly that his “flights of fancy” do not end up costing huge amounts in repair bills. I also stopped him from doing laundry when I found cat litter in the detergent holder in the washing machine. I sympathize with what you are going through, sadly it just adds another layer of stress to an already stressful situation.0
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M1-
It's so frustrating, painful and expensive when your formerly uber-competent LO is in this stage of wreaking havoc. Sometimes you can't anticipate what they'll do next so you can be proactive in heading off disaster.
1. Dad was always turning up the heat. WKS left him freezing; the last time I visited their house at the beach dad had the thermostat set for 85F in July in south of the Mason-Dixon Line.
2. Left to his own devices, he would reconfigure the TV/cable set up. He got it into his head that "everything is wireless" these days and would disconnect any visible cords and hide them. This meant a Comcast service call asap initially and a service charge. I finally came over and got a tutorial from the tech so I could set it up; I took pictures of how it was supposed to look and labeled each of the wires. He removed the labels- of course- but I was able to get them up and running quickly after a few attempts. The downside was the TV was about the only "activity" that soothed him, so if I got the call he'd done it again I had to drop what I was doing and drive over to get them back up.
3. TV was a source of lost revenue in other ways. One day my mother mentioned that her cable bill was "unusually high". She'd left dad alone with the xfinity remote and no parental controls; he'd purchased NHL and NBA Season passes at $299 each (he had never been particularly interested in either sport and mostly watched old golf tournaments), Guardians of the Galaxy for $20 and Stingray Karaoke. Comcast was gracious about reversing all but Guardians which he watched; I put parental control on the set. I set it up so he couldn't buy any PPV and blocked a couple channels that led to upsetting delusions like TWC, CNN, Fox News and the ones that carried my mom's beloved crime dramas.
4. In going through their financials, I discovered dad had lost $350K day-trading in the early mid-stages of the disease when he could still use a laptop. They split their money management; she took care of the household/monthly stuff related to their house and he oversaw their investments and IRAs. I suspected the computer was a problem, I just didn't know how big a problem.
5. There was one almost funny post-script to the computer. For a time as he was losing the ability to use his laptop, he'd swear "they don't make 'em like they used to" and replace them as soon as he had a problem. By the time he was diagnosed, he had 4 newish laptops and a desktop. It was in this era he called me frantic insisting I "call the Google" because he couldn't get into his email as he wasn't answering any of his security questions. I did contact customer service for him but he couldn't answer any of the questions relating to where, when, or what ISP he had when he made the account. Anyhoo, he evidently bought Internet Security for each of these laptops and set them up to auto-renew. The month after he died, my mom called because she felt there were fraudulent charges on her Mastercard; she'd lost her handbag 4 days before he passed and had been issued all new accounts and was looking for suspicious activity. Turns out 3 of the charges were for Norton and one was from McAfee each for about $300. The companies did cancel/refund the upcoming year's charges, but not the 5th subscription that McAfee had billed for a few months before which we still cancelled. It was as if dad was spending money from beyond the grave.
I hope the Seroquel helps with the fragmented sleep. We found with dad that it did reduce it to 2-3 periods of wakefulness. He mostly talked nonsense and made threats when he woke. A friend who took care of her mom who was an early (anytime after midnight) riser used a motion detector mat next to her bed which sent an alarm to her phone. This allowed her to get mom settled back in bed before she was dressed and ready for the day. She also had success with alarms on the exterior doors as her mom sometimes eloped in the night; funny during the day her 93 year old mom shuffled slowly, but in the middle of the night she ran like the wind.
HB0 -
HB, there must be something about cords....my dad was trying to disconnect a phone that was his personal line and ended up removing all phone access in the home. He has also disconnected other household items...reason unknown.
He also has an obsession with shredding mail. Before dementia, the folks were very good about shredding the junk mail. Then it got to the point where he wanted to shred most anything that came in the mail...including bills. Putting them on auto-pay at least gives security that nothing will lapse due to non-payment.
We were fortunate that he stopped using the computer and phone early on. They also have an excellent financial advisor who will call to question any major expenditure before approving it.
One just never knows what to watch out for next.
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I think you're exactly right HB, I find myself spending inordinate amounts of time trying to head off minor disasters--hiding the truck keys, getting the mail before she sees all the solicitations, making sure the animals are fed so that she doesn't feed them the wrong thing or too much, on and on and on. But there are always more ways to mess stuff up than I can anticipate. I try to remind myself that if it's not an acute safety issue, let it go. But it's overwhelming. And the nighttime stuff may be a breaking point. If I can't sleep, I can't function. You hate to wish your life away, but I find myself thinking that things may be easier when she progresses more and can't be so active in so many different arenas.0
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Many have found success using hook and eye latches placed either high or low....also the baby "things" put over the knobs that you have to press down on to turn.
Overwhelmed is bad....lack of sleep a disaster!
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M1, When my husband was in the AD earlier stages (2016 to 2020) he and I didn't get much sleep. He was constantly moving things around, pacing non-stop, punching the couch, broke a coffee table, etc. Now that he's in the severe stage he sleeps more and I get more sleep. He has shorter days so caregiving and getting things done around the house are a little easier now. He still becomes agitated but less frequently. Seroquel has helped a lot.
I hope you're able to get your sleep. I know it's not easy.
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Our life has turned into a money pit, thanks to Alzheimers. Its a bunch of little and medium size things that make me VERY crazy because I am generally a thrifty lady.
For example,
- PWD want to be helpful. Previously on our journey,
- DH was still doing the laundry. He would pour about half the bottle of detergent into the machine. Thankfully someone on this forum recommended Tide Pods.
- DH would make his own coffee and spill sugar all over the kitchen.
- DH threw away at least one TV remote.
- While I was still working, DH went on crazy shopping sprees while I was at the office.
- DH is always cold. He wants the thermostat on 80 degrees.
- DH will tell me something is broken or not working. Then I buy a new one and the first thing was not broken at all.
- On a larger scale, he hated our mattress so I bought a new mattress set that has an adjustable foundation. Now he hates the new mattress.
- On a smaller scale, he requests specific foods from the market. I buy what he requests, he doesn't eat it and it spoils.
Fortunately (or unfortunately) we didn't have $350,000 to lose. That must have been painful. I am so sorry that happened.
0 - PWD want to be helpful. Previously on our journey,
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The experiences you relate were not nearly so much fun as the title of this topic suggests.0
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Right Stuck, not fun at all, just expensive!!0
Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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