Panic attack

JoseyWales

All day long my heart has been racing and I feel like a disaster is coming.

I thought some help would be coming today so I could take a break - apparently not.

I don't drink, but I've poured myself something so I can calm myself down. 

Be prepared - I'm about to whine. With my wine.

DH can no longer sit on the toilet independently. Last night he got up twice, once for about 30 minutes and once for over an hour. I assume he had to use the toilet. I'd take his pants down and get him ready to sit over the toilet, he'd get down to 1 inch off the seat and then pull up his pants and walk around the house for 10 minutes. Repeat. Luckily he didn't puddle anywhere else, like the night before. Total sleep: 6 hours 1 minute. Over 3 time periods.

Today he keeps pacing and every time I take him to the bathroom it's the same thing. I'd rather a puddle to this pacing.

Apparently our mystery girl is back today. She's been gone for a month, but today I'm hearing about her again. He looked for her in his sock drawer.

DH is spitting constantly. Up at night, spitting. When we drive somewhere he makes me stop so he can spit. Often it just dribbles on the car. Or the floor of our house. Yesterday he spit on the floor of the store we were in, and then spit into a display. Somehow a higher power was looking out for me there, and he actually spit on a big page of coupons someone left there. I was able to pick it up and throw it away. I got a box of kleenex so he could spit the rest in tissues. Of course I tore off the top to get some out, and threw the top away. And when I went through the self-scan register had no scan label. It took almost 10 minutes for the cashiers to put in a $.97 price for me.

It's hot out for the umpteenth day in a row. And humid. SO humid. I know it's not a hurricane, and I'm grateful for that.

The dog has an ear infection. 

The toilet isn't flushing quite right. We have only one bathroom. Fixed for now, but I'll need to replace the guts of it, I think. I've done that before, but may call my brother for help with it anyway since we have only the one toilet.

The battery on the four wheeler is dead, because DH turned the lights on at some point in time and drained it. It isn't charging correctly. Replacing it is a major feat, because it's mounted in an asinine place.

The lawn needs mowed. It's hot. And DH has progressed to the point where I can't do it and supervise him.

School work - mounds and mounds of it. You have no idea of the amount of paperwork a special ed teacher is in charge of.

The front door isn't latching correctly. I suspect it's due to the age of our house and the humidity. Hopefully that corrects itself once it cools off.

The window glass in DS's room cracked. I'll need to replace it.

I've found only one suitable memory care facility so far. I need to call more, but they're closing down due to Covid and I can't tour any of them. Of the ones I've called, they either don't take medicaid for the memory care part or they have told me that a 57 year old male is not a "good fit".

I think I'm done now.

sandwichone123

Josey,

That's a lot! My mom was a special ed teacher, so I saw some of the mounds of paperwork, and she always got "volunteered" to head the IEP committee. She said the other teachers couldn't seem to read the notices she sent them for the meetings, either.

Minor household repairs count as "death by a thousand paper cuts." Yes, they're each minor, but in total they're a death ray.

Our summer has been so humid all my doors are sticking. We're in the desert so have evaporative coolers, but they don't work well when it's humid, and the doors stick. Small thinks, but *so* many of them.

Is he drinking enough? If yes, does he have prostate issues? That can make a man feel like he has to go, but nothing happens.

Diane

Quilting brings calm

Josey…. You go  right ahead and whine… that’s what we are here for.  That’s a lot on your plate.  I don’t have any wise advice.  But we are all here to listen anytime.

JoseyWales

No prostrate problems that I'm aware of. He DID have to go. It was an amazing amount this morning when he finally used the bathroom.

He's now crying. 

The wine didn't help.

LadyTexan

Dear JoseyWales.

I am so sorry. That is way too much. I am tired just reading your post.

If there is anyone who can help you, please reach out, even if it is not ideal, it may be better than nothing. Maybe someone from a faith community or a college student on a break is available. My hope is there is some kind of temporary assistance to step in for you. Otherwise, I fear things will get worse before any placement can be arranged.

The panic attacks are a red flag and should be recognized for the warning they are. I understand there are a lot of tasks on your list. Some of them will just have to wait. Others may need to be done a little less perfectly than you would like for now. And that is okay.

We are here for your support, but I cannot tackle your to do list. It is more than one person can do. PLEASE be gentle with yourself.

Lills

I'm so sorry!

Is it possible to take family sick leave?  I was a teacher so I understand the MOUNDS of paperwork you are dealing with.  You are ONE person..you need to give up something for a while.  You can't go on this way.   I know, easier said than done.  Wish I could at least mow the lawn for you!  

One more thought:  If your DH has a UTI, it could be painful to urinate.  Could that be something you'd need to check out--in your spare time?  I used to buy a home UTI kit from Amazon. 

BTY:  Speaking of paperwork:  I used to grade tests, journals, etc.  It took hours and hours!  When I would hand their papers back, they'd glance at the grade and never read the corrections or comments.  I used to tell them (often!):  You need to take as long to read the corrections as I did grading them.  They'd smile.  Nothing ever changed.  

JJAz

Wow.  Panic Attack?  I'd be having a nervous breakdown.  Seriously, please seek medical care for yourself before it gets to this.  The toll that this disease can take on caregivers is phenomenal.  If you need to continue to work and are not able to retire yet, something's got to give.  We think we can do it all . . . and we can . . . but we can't do it all at one time.

Also, you mentioned the girl in the drawer (hallucination) and the difficulty in sitting on the toilet (Parkinsonism).  Please be aware that these are both symptoms of Lewy Body Dementia.  Here is a checklist of other Lewy symptoms. 

  https://www.lbda.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/2017_diagnostic_checklist_-_updated_criteria_v2_1.pdf

JoseyWales

Thanks all. Took DH for a 2 hour drive, for the second time today. Went to a drive through for his dinner. I'm not hungry. I'm a little better. 

I reached out to his family for help, but they can't help at night when I'm trying to sleep and he won't. I think today is a meltdown for me because of lack of sleep. When he wakes me up at night I can't get back to sleep (after our hour playing walk around the toilet). I just lie in bed, worrying about placement.

JJaz - the hallucinations and shuffling steps have started recently, although I've wondered about Lewy Body dementia for a while. He just seems to be following the typical Alzheimer's path, though. 

Lills - I thought maybe a UTI because of how quickly things are going downhill lately. That's what we were in the store buying yesterday. The test was negative. 

I can't really take time off, for several reasons. But my administration understands what's going on and is so supportive. I've been able to leave early twice (once at 11:30) in the 3 weeks we've been back at school. And honestly, being home with him all the time is what's driven this panic attack today. It's better now, and most of the stuff around here I don't care about having wait until later. It's late enough in the year to not worry about the outside plants anymore (I'm done weeding and watering) and if the grass grows, it grows. 

GothicGremlin

My PWD is my sister, not my spouse or partner, so I don't post here, but I wanted to support you, Josey.

I come from an entire family of teachers - parents, aunts, uncles, cousins - so I know exactly what that paperwork looks like. One of my cousins is a special ed teacher, and it's a tough, tough job (she loves it though).

Add everything else you're handling, and that's a heck of a lot for one person. Try to carve out a little bit of time for yourself -- I know it's hard.

John1965

Yikes. That's so difficult. I can't imagine that you are dealing with this at home and still teaching full time.

I think I gave this advice a couple years ago, but utilize your employer's Employee Assistance Program. It may lead to some support you haven't even considered. And, it's good to get HR in your corner. 

Buggsroo

Hi Josey

I get panic attacks as well. I got them before the dementia thing. I got them before I entered menopause. I saw a doctor who told me to wear a little elastic band on my wrist, she told me to snap it when I had an attack, it would interrupt the attack. It worked however, I was also to look into what was causing the attacks and to alleviate the situation. 

Now I get them dealing with my husband and his dementia. I take my inhaler because I get short of breath, but do use the elastic trick as well. I am not sure how to deal with them now but I do get how much you have on your plate and how overwhelmed you must feel. 

Pat6177

Josey, you have so much on your plate! I don’t have any sage advice but when I get overwhelmed, I try to remember to take deep breaths. Sometimes, it takes me awhile to realize how tense I am so now I try to take deep breaths just in case. There also is a breathing pattern developed by Dr Weil that is supposed to relax you or help you to get to sleep. I sometimes use it and it works about half the time. It’s called the 4 7 8 breath. Below is one of the links that came up when I googled it. I have no idea how to enter a live link.

I agree with JJAz that you might also want to seek medical attention. I suggest this breathing exercise in addition to that. Keep venting. A problem shared and all that.

 The 4-7-8 breathing technique is a breathing pattern developed by Dr. Andrew Weil. It’s based on an ancient yogic technique calledpranayama, which helps practitioners gain control over their breathing. When practiced regularly, it’s possible that this technique could help some people fall asleep in a shorter period of time.

4-7-8 Breathing: How It Works, How to Do It, and More

healthline.com