Correcting vs. Reassuring?

noel18

My grandma currently has trouble remembering names and relations in the family, other than her deceased husband and her parents/siblings. I know this is normal for her stage of Alzheimer’s. However, she still has short moments of clarity during the day where she does remember that she has 3 daughters, sometimes telling me a detail or fact about one of them (it’s rare but valued).

She struggles with depression and anxiety, and since the recent loss of my grandpa, she constantly says she has no one left. She talks about how her sisters are dead and parents are dead, and now her husband. I’ve been “reminding” her that she has 3 daughters and grandkids, and point out the pictures on the wall. I tell her that we all love her. She agrees, saying “yep I do” but then forgets 5 minutes later. I’m starting to wonder if this is coming off as correcting her. I’m always calm and patient and empathetic when I’m speaking to her, so it’s not as if I’m snapping to remind her she has people left. I just don’t want her to feel alone. I’ve figured out that most of the day she has no clue I’m her granddaughter, but she has accepted I’m the one who has moved in to help keep her company. 

Because of the confusion in those moments, I wonder if she’s even believing me when I tell her she has more family, and if I’m hurting more than helping. Maybe it’s impossible for someone to gauge without experiencing her moods in person. I just wondered if anyone had similar experiences or advice on trying to reassure her in those moments? 

I also understand the importance of validating her feelings, and I do a lottt, but she’s very depressed and I worry about creating this constant cloud of sadness. I feel like if I don’t attempt to remind her of family or suggest activities to cheer her up, I’m just letting her drown in it. Sometimes she’s up for it, sometimes she’s not, and sometimes it seems to aggravate her. I know she needs to feel sad and grieve, she’s human. I just don’t want her to think she’s alone. 

loveskitties

My dad no longer understands family relationships, but he does understand friendly and trusted faces.

Perhaps instead of listing relationships you could just make these folks a circle of friends who love and care about her.  It might be easier for her to grasp.

With dementia, one never knows exactly what to say or do and what works this second may not in 5 minutes.

She is very fortunate to have you watching out for her.  

jfkoc

Losing ones spouse does leave you alone.

harshedbuzz

I feel like this is a situation where you could tend to her feelings without it being a "reminder".

And I get that it can be hard to titrate an appropriate response when you aren't entirely sure what she recalls in a given moment. My dad was confused about my late sister; he seemed to have a sense she was ill/possibly dead and he'd say things like "she's dead, isn't she?" made kinder responses inappropriate.

In your shoes, I might validate the sense of loss she feels about her husband and maybe use it as a segue to share a positive story about him if she seems to be up for that. You could also gently tell her how much you care about her without getting into the whole family tree.

HB

Stuck in the middle

My great-grandmother lived with my grandfather and had frequent visits from her grands and great-grands.  Nonetheless, she missed knowing other people her age.  She said "There's no one left who remembers how things used to be."

Give her a hug and say you miss him too.  There is no cheerful way to know that everyone your age has died and you are next.