Really stupid question

ElCy

My DH is in the early stages. Still drives but his judgement is gone. Yesterday one of my dogs pooped in the house and my husband picked up the poop and put it in the kitchen garbage. When I went to move it into the garage garbage can he flipped out. Screamed, yelled, pushed and started banging on our newly remodeled kitchen cabinets.

That being said, we desperately need new carpet. Am I out of my mind to spend money on the carpeting knowing that in the future he may damage it in the future? I hear stories on the forums about spouses peeing, pooping, etc all over the house.

Should I not get new carpet? I know how frivolous this question is.

June45

Not a stupid question. The answer is no new carpet!!  If you really need new flooring, consider some type of hard floor...tile, hardwood, laminate etc.

Edit: however there is a negative to hard floors like tile when the PWD starts to have falls.

Rick4407

Unsolicited advice.   Your husband should not be driving.  You can try to enlist your/his Dr to give him that bad news.   This is along and twisted road, every time you think it can't get worse it does.  You should try to get him into a neurology or geriatric psychiatry practice.  His apparent anger sounds like her may need drugs to control it.  Sorry, Rick

Stuck in the middle

I wouldn't buy anything like that. You will just have to buy it again in a few years, because it will be ruined.

My father was ready to buy a new car he didn't really need when he realized that I was about to begin driving.  Then he thought what that meant and waited two years (I had a brother a year younger).  

Ed1937

I agree. No new carpeting. If it needs to be cleaned, have that done. You'll have better things to spend your money on.

More importantly, I agree with Rick. If he has an accident, even if it isn't his fault, it could be VERY costly for you. You could send the doctor a note pertaining to his driving. You shouldn't get involved in it. Just let the doctor or anyone else tell him no driving. 

ladyzetta

No question is a stupid question.   I also agree NO new carpeting. Just do your best to keep the carpet you have now clean so it dose not start smelling. I also suggest you keep the carpet in place to help prevent falling. I also agree your DH should not be driving especially when you know his judgement is gone, that will leave you wide open for a big law suit if he gets into a wreck. I asked our Dr to tell my DH no more driving. So when we went into the Drs office the Dr asked my DH if he was still driving and my DH said not much any more, the Dr said give your DW the keys right now and told me not to give them back. It went very well.

We are here for any questions you may have.    

60 falcon

I agree with everything said. Particularly about his driving.  

That said, a year ago I was in the same boat as you.  Our floors were trashed after 20+ years of raising two kids and several dogs.  They just were disgusting. I asked similar questions as you and was given the same advice. But, we replaced all of our flooring anyway.

I got rid of the carpeting in our bedroom and our hallway.  So we only have carpeting in the living room and the two spare bedrooms (that DW doesn't go into).  I paid a little extra for waterproof padding under the carpet in the living room.  The hard flooring is vinyl plank.  We only have the living room carpet that might be ruined.

I love it and am really glad we did it.  It was a lot of work for me...I had to do all the packing and moving of furniture. I had to kennel our dogs for about a week and we stayed in a motel.  It was a PITA and was complicated because of COVID. If DW wrecks the carpet in the living room, oh well.  The waterproof padding should help with cleaning. The cost for replacing the floors wasn't enough to change the fact that I'm probably not going to be able to afford MC for DW  anyway.

So, for me and my wife, replacing the floors was a good thing.  Just make your decisions with your eyes open knowing that there's pros and cons. Keep safety and tripping hazards in mind for yourself and your husband.  Like others have said, there are NO stupid questions here.

Starfare

My husbands anger and delusions were so scary to me.  He has refused all testing and within days “unhears” what the drs are telling him.   It’s very stressful to live with the volatility and uncertainty.  If you get a new carpet you will be more anxious when it’s damaged.  The construction is very very hard on them too.  Strangers, noise etc..

Starfare

My husbands Kaiser dr told me he can’t do anything until my husband cannot dress himself and get to an appt.  In the meantime we have been financially devastated by maintaining two homes and he is driving!  He has had four accidents that i know of and his dr keeps approving the DMV paperwork!    Totaled the car once in a seizure.  Convinced family i made it up.  It’s so scary and i understand the DMV suspend but typically reinstate.   My doh is on #4.  smh.

Homewerk

Don’t get new carpeting.  Instead, take some of that new carpet money and buy a good home carpet cleaner. Look for the kind that lets you separate it into a mini unit for spot cleaning or use the entire unit for large areas. My Bissell cleaner has helped save my sanity. My husband is now poop incontinent. If he tries to fix the situation on his own, he’ll get poop on the carpet and usually step in it. With that mini unit I can clean the carpet spot easily. All the residue is vacuumed out with an anti- bacterial carpet detergent. Really, you can’t tell there was ever a deposit. Money well spent.

ElCy

Thanks for all the advice. One problem, my husband refuses to go the doctor…I’ll have to do the driving thing on my own. I can’t imagine it will go well. He just flipped out when I didn’t want to eat breakfast.

Ed1937

ElCy wrote:

Thanks for all the advice. One problem, my husband refuses to go the doctor…I’ll have to do the driving thing on my own. I can’t imagine it will go well. He just flipped out when I didn’t want to eat breakfast.

Could you tell him the doctor visit is for you, and you'd like him to accompany you? If you go that route, write a note for the doctor to read before seeing you/him. You could drop it off at the sign in desk when you get there, and ask for the doc to read it before the appointment. Explain that he refuses to see a doctor for himself.

Jude4037

Telling him he can no longer drive probably won’t go well but your safety and his is important. I bought a blank key for my husband so he could always have his keys so he felt like he was a driver but I would go out and get in the drivers seat and say I’m driving and thankfully he has gone along with that. Tell him you need the practice because you have a renewal test coming up.But still he takes his keys when we leave the house. Only once did he get in the car and realize his key didn’t work so I said we’d take his key in tomorrow and he forgot.

At present he is in the hospital in an attempt to calm his anger which is a newer symptom of AZ so I’m glad he wasn't  driving once that ugly symptom started. 

We bought our place at the beginning of this journey five years ago and the carpet was disgusting. I could not live with it but we bought a cheap low pile carpet that we get cleaned regularly. And I have a small shampooer  for spots. Our house is built on a slab and I was hesitant to Not have carpet because of falls. He has gone to ER three times in the last year for that with head injuries.

abc123

Dear Elise, we are all living in LaLa land because of our LO's with dementia. There are NO stupid or silly questions. There are some members here who have stated when their LO dies they will have to trash all the furniture and the carpeting and rugs. Are you on a concrete slab? Pulling up carpet and having the concrete finished is a new option these days. It's a pretty floor and easily mopped. You could use area rugs if you like. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck.

abc123

My parents have ceramic tile in the kitchen, dining room, foyer and hallways. Between mom and the dogs, cleaning the grout lines is hard work. Its like little tunnels of urine flowing all over. I scrub the grout lines with a stiff brush and soapy bleach water and then go back an mop. Hard and time consuming.