Thoughts(1)

ElCy

Aside from realizing that my DH is no longer cognitively the man he was, I’ve come to realize that this disease has caused him to lose empathy. I’m crushed that I will no longer receive comfort from him, that his shoulder is no longer a place to lean on, that his arms will no longer encircle me…

DrinaJGB

I have the every same grief over the loss of empathy from my DH. His affect is rather blunted, he no longer displays any of the emotions he once had for me. I have fallen and hurt my ankle not able to get up and he never even left his desk to come check on me, I have choked on food at the table and he never even looked up. He eats at the table with me and looks at his plate the entire time like I am not even there. Over the years (11)-this has perhaps been one of the most heartbreaking things to deal with. He never calls our daughter whom he was very close to since birth. It's like he's totally wrapped up in his own world and nothing else matters. No intimacy for years makes one feel absolutely invisible. Before he got sick I had a disturbing dream---it's been years now--that he had become indiffernet toward me and I woke up crying. It came true. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It's the disease, but it still hurts.

Ed1937

This disease doesn't care who it hurts, or how much it hurts. It just doesn't care.

eaglemom

I too have realized this - and I don't like it.

Ed you are spot on of your description of this disease.

eagle

Beachfan

My DH lost empathy early on; I attributed it to his being raised by his dad with 2 brothers after his mom died young. (No feminine TLC from an early age.)  Looking back, I can see now that it was an early manifestation of his Azheimer's.  

Drina, I did choke at the dinner table, while on vacation in the Dominican Republic, soon after DH's diagnosis.  Luckily, my daughter and son-in-law were along and while DH never batted an eye, my son-in- law performed the Heimlich maneuver, thus, as I tease him, denying the kids' an early inheritance.  I used to say that if I collapsed on the floor, DH would just step over me, oblivious.  Now, I think he would trip over me as he typically just shuffles around, banging into things.  Life goes on.  It stinks!

Rescue mom

I have had bloody injuries at home (ambulance to hospital after I got to the phone, DH was oblivious) and been diagnosed, after a series of painful and drawn-out tests, with a serious disease. My DH with Alzheimer’s never blinked an eye at the injury, just walked away. Never asked a question about my tests, although he noticed my absence and how he got hungry when the kids didn’t act quickly enough.

Before Alzheimer’s, he would have done *anything* to help others. You could not have asked for anyone more concerned, and it probably spoiled me. The change was so fast, it was stunning.

  Not trying to be “poor me,”, but….poor us. Yes, they lose any and all concern with others’ problems. I’ve heard it enough from others, and seen it myself. And not just me that DH ignores, it’s also the kids and longtime friends. All of what Drina said. It just stinks. Try to have someone on hand you can reach out to for help, if and when you need it.

June45

My husband has never been one to be caring.  Years before there were any signs of dementia, I was on a business trip with my husband in London. He, one of his co-workers and I went out to eat at a pub.  When I was scooting out the of booth to leave, I scooted too far and ended up sitting on the floor.  My husband just looked at me like what are you doing down there and he did nothing. His co-worker actually helped me up.  I don't know if I was more embarrassed that I sat on the floor or that my husband didn't help me up.  And no, we were not drunk! I could give dozens more examples.  So I guess, I don't notice much difference now that he has Alzheimer's.

Buggsroo

I don’t know if any of you have watched Randal’s animals on YouTube. His skit about the honey Badger sums up dementia. No matter what happens, my husband does not care. It is his way or the highway. It is a lonely existence. 

I didn’t realize how stressed, angry and freaked I really was, I work under an *$%& who nitpicks everything we do. We communicate in Slack. After yet another pissy message from him, I typed back: Leave me alone. I sent it. The proverbial sh-- hit the fan. My boss contacted me and I was told to remain professional. I just ranted back about what a dink this guy was. Sobbing at my computer, my husband just walked by me, told me to quit the job and went and got a bowl of ice cream. I then realized, that it was a culmination of everything, dealing with my husband, dealing with the work dink and the resultant stress, grief and anger of how awful life had become. 

So I watched the Honey Badger, the main theme is Honey Badger don’t care. That sums up the situation perfectly. My life sucks, my husband isn’t in himself and doesn’t care.

Lucid

I hear you. My dh has had a sudden decline in the past two weeks and spends a majority of the day thinking I'm someone else. When he thinks I am me and sees that I am sad about the situation or I am loving towards him, he has very little emotion. It's like I lost him and I wasn't really ready because his big decline started in February and just kept going. I thought we'd have more time.