Desire to go to other house/JohnDoe

Meeetooo5

My LO has this daily desire to go to our other house, which we don’t have.  It can start any time in the day but mostly around dinner and as late as 3am.  Some times she will collect a few things to take.  It has become very difficult to deal with.  Usually a ride around the back roads in the area will distract her, maybe visit one of our kids farm.   She will ask when we are going, usually reply in a while.  Sometimes she will ask when we are going and then look around the house and say ‘Oh we are home” but it may come up later.  I have noticed that if she changes her mind she will be restless at first when going to bed and some nights her shower will be enough to change her mind.  We are in the process of meeting with doctors, etc o try and get a diagnosis.  There are numerous other issues. Like “Where did everyone go” when there is no one here.  Mistaking me for someone else, sometimes for a greater part of the day.  but its ok that I’m here.  She will look for her husband and i have to do a little houdini.. it switches back an forth almost by the minute. Sorry if this is chopped up, she is suspicious of what i or him are doing on the computer. I refer to this as being John Doe any thoughts on coping dealing with this appreciated….these are the two main items i seem to worry about.  Thank you.

Rescue mom

It sounds like you are doing everything  right, and nothing wrong. The ride-around and your Houdini act are great. It’s just really hard to keep dealing with continuously. I’ve also found that saying “ok, we’ll go when…” the weather clears, when the roads are fixed (they’re not broken), when the car is fixed (also not broken), etc. No disagreement, just mmhhhmm, later” and then try to distract them.

 Or if she asks for somebody, maybe say they’ll be here when…(same delay reasons). “In a while” is good, or you can mix it up if needed. “Where did everyone go” you may say home, or whatever works for her. There’s just no point in arguing, she isn’t rational and the best thing is what maintains the peace. 

All her behaviors mentioned, including mistaken identities,  are classic dementia. If all your help tactics are failing, or it worsens, the doctor may give Rx meds that help calm her and such behaviors. I’m sure others will have other suggestion. Read through the threads, there is lots of great advice here.

Joe C.

Meeetooo, Welcome and sorry you had a need to seek out this community. There are many great people here with lots of experience and good advice. My DW with AD has pretty much the same symptoms that you are describing. The doctors may be able to prescribe medication to deal with her anxiety.

Jeff86

Oh, this all sounds so familiar, meeetooo.

My DW wants to go home when we’re home, thinks other people live here or should be here when it’s just the two of us and the dog, asks me where her husband is.

At other times, she says this is a nice place to be and knows (sort of) who I am.  No predicting hour to hour what awareness there will be.

I am on a parallel path with JoeC—I have had to learn to embrace pharmaceuticals to manage these distressing symptoms.  They help control but not eliminate anxiety.

Welcome to the forum.  You will find both advice and sympathy in heaping spoonfuls.