Desire to go to other house/JohnDoe

Meeetooo5

My LO has this daily desire to go to our other house, which we don’t have.  It can start any time in the day but mostly around dinner and as late as 3am.  Some times she will collect a few things to take.  It has become very difficult to deal with.  Usually a ride around the back roads in the area will distract her, maybe visit one of our kids farm.   She will ask when we are going, usually reply in a while.  Sometimes she will ask when we are going and then look around the house and say ‘Oh we are home” but it may come up later.  I have noticed that if she changes her mind she will be restless at first when going to bed and some nights her shower will be enough to change her mind.  We are in the process of meeting with doctors, etc o try and get a diagnosis.  There are numerous other issues. Like “Where did everyone go” when there is no one here.  Mistaking me for someone else, sometimes for a greater part of the day.  but its ok that I’m here.  She will look for her husband and i have to do a little houdini.. it switches back an forth almost by the minute. Sorry if this is chopped up, she is suspicious of what i or him are doing on the computer. I refer to this as being John Doe any thoughts on coping dealing with this appreciated….these are the two main items i seem to worry about.  Thank you.

loveskitties

Hi Meeetoo5,

The timing of the desire to go to other house could be what is called "sundowning".  Many of our LOs symptoms become more acute in the late afternoon and evening.  

Many here suggest a "fiblet" to help divert the ideas such as this.  Perhaps telling her there is a delay in some repair, or other issue which would keep you out of the home if it really existed.  While some are not comfortable with a "lie", it is better than a drive at 3 am, safer too, and not done to cause harm.

The same type of thing can work for the questions which have no "right" answer for her.  Perhaps everyone else when to see the park, or out to eat or some other errand.

Not recognizing you has her husband is unfortunately common.  My dad knows my mother by name but not by relationship.  It is sad when he asks her where she is, or thinks his wife leaves him alone with this other person.

I feel certain others will be offering their experiences and suggestions.

Best wishes to you both

PS you also might want to post on the Spouse Forum board as well