What should I do?(3)

Mandy6463

 I recently had my dad (has dementia, Alzheimer’s and cerebral amyloid angiopathy) and my step mom move in. My dad wasn’t getting the care he needed and his health was failing. After having had him move in, he’s adjusted well and doing much better. However, I have had to take over their finances because they were donating money to scammers that would call and ask for a donation. I feel really bad because that’s one more thing taken from them but I can’t risk them losing everything. 

My step mom is having a hard time adjusting to life In my home and she has started making me do everything, it’s like she just gave up and wants me to do everything, including things for her. She has zero support from her own children so I am doing everything. If my dad dies before her I dont think it should be my responsibility to care for her, I think one of her boys should step up on the plate. 

My husband and I have plans to go to Hawaii this Christmas for 5 days and then Greece for 10 days in April  I want to cancel because I’m afraid something will happen while I’m gone. My husband says that life is short and we shouldn’t stop living because my dad has dementia  

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

[Deleted User]

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Cynbar

Absolutely go forward with your vacation plans. Your husband is right, life does go on, and this dementia journey can be a very long one. You need periodic breaks to keep your batteries charged. Now is the time to work out a plan for your parents. You don't say too much about their functional levels, but you've got options. Arranging for them to go somewhere for respite may be a good idea, usually every level of facility from assisted living to nursing home will do this. It would give you total piece of mind, but would be private pay and there is usually a minimum stay (2 weeks is common.) If they can stay at your house alone, make sure there is someone to check on them and oversee things. This could be a family member or close friend. Or, you can hire a private pay agency to send in caregivers, usually there is a minimum of 3-4 hours for each visit (this varies quite a bit.) And, finally there are caregivers who freelance (no agency connection), you would negotiate a schedule and fee for visits. --- ask around, someone you know may recommend a good caregiver. Now is the time to evaluate their needs and set up the plan. Then, go ahead and enjoy your vacations with your husband.