How can I avoid the anger?

Momshelper66

I am the sole caretaker to my Mom who was diagnosed with dementia in 2018. Oh have we had our ups and downs. But the main problem I have now is that she doesn't like being left alone. If I go to to the back of the house to vacuum, clean or just take a lil break Mom is so mad when I come back into the room. Now mind you, I'm rarely back there longer than 15 20 minutes! But she feels she's been alone for hours. And the snarky comments ensue! Any suggestions y'all can provide to keep her from these anger episodes would be appreciated! I tell her when I leave the room, I'm going to vacuum the room and will be right back. But she doesn't remember. And if I sneak off while she is napping her anger is even worse. She is on Seriquil & buspron. Suggestions?

sunnydove

I always leave a sign and an activity. I have several of these signs in plastic sleeves because I use them so often. "Mom, (myname) is in the shower and will be back in 15 minutes" so she knows that I am there, where I am, and that I will be back shortly. Then I make sure she's watching an upbeat show she likes (usually AFV), has a tedious snack (like a clementine that takes time to peel and eat) and a photo album or puzzle book (she likes find the difference, even though she can't usually find more than one, she likes looking at them.)

LicketyGlitz

The anger and rage is my least favorite part of this journey, Moms. I don't have near as good suggestions as sunny! I suffered though it with my mom until she moved out of it. Good on you, sunny! Those are smart strategies!

Janet44

How do I stop the crying. My mom is 91 years old and in the middle stages of Alzheimer's. She is on depression and anxiety meds, but when she is not in bed, which is mostly all day, she just cries. I'm running out of ways to reassure her and get the crying to stop. Has anyone had this issue.

BassetHoundAnn

Janet44 wrote:

How do I stop the crying. My mom is 91 years old and in the middle stages of Alzheimer's. She is on depression and anxiety meds, but when she is not in bed, which is mostly all day, she just cries. I'm running out of ways to reassure her and get the crying to stop. Has anyone had this issue.

Janet, have you spoken to your mother's doctor about this? Different anti-anxiety meds might be called for. 

You should start another thread to post your question. You'll likely get many more answers than you will here. 

BassetHoundAnn

Momshelper66 wrote:

I am the sole caretaker to my Mom who was diagnosed with dementia in 2018. Oh have we had our ups and downs. But the main problem I have now is that she doesn't like being left alone. If I go to to the back of the house to vacuum, clean or just take a lil break Mom is so mad when I come back into the room. Now mind you, I'm rarely back there longer than 15 20 minutes! But she feels she's been alone for hours. And the snarky comments ensue! Any suggestions y'all can provide to keep her from these anger episodes would be appreciated! I tell her when I leave the room, I'm going to vacuum the room and will be right back. But she doesn't remember. And if I sneak off while she is napping her anger is even worse. She is on Seriquil & buspron. Suggestions?

Shadowing or hovering has to be one of the most frustrating behaviors for caregivers to handle. When I started caring for my mom she immediately began behaving just like your mom. I'd be gone 20 minutes to walk the dog and when I returned she'd be in a tizzy if not a complete rage, threatening to call the police. 

Even now when I take her to the doctor, if I read a book while sitting beside her she has a fit because my attention is not completely on her. You can imagine how difficult it is to sit in an ER for 8 hours with someone who demands to know "Why am I here? When am I going home?" every few moments and has a conniption if your attention strays to a book or newspaper. During one ER visit I told her, "I'm going to sit in the hall to read. You will be able to see me sitting in a chair by the door. If you need me just say something." Didn't work. She kept throwing fits because I wasn't inches from her side the entire time. 

Signs work for some. (Not my mom.) Favorite activities work for some. (Not my mom.) The only thing that has worked for me is to ignore the outbursts, divert her attention, but most important, keep reminding myself "You're doing the best you can. You need to take little breaks to you know walk the dog, weed the garden, talk to the neighbor, if only for your own sanity." 

Good luck! It's hard, really hard. 

Janet44

I haven't quite figured out yet how to use this site and where to post. I apologize for posting in the wrong place. I will figure this out. Thank you

loveskitties

Janet44, near the top of the screen is a green box labeled "Add a post"  then type away.

towhee

Janet, no need to apologize. Posters frequently end up at the bottom of an old post their first time. Welcome to the forum. When you say your mother cries unless she is in bed, do you mean she cries unless she is asleep?

towhee

Moms helper, shadowing can be so frustrating, and unfortunately even dangerous. When my LO could not see me, she would start looking for me, and unfortunately would often start to look outside for me instead of inside. I started using the other end of a baby monitor when I had to be elsewhere in the house, and just kept saying every few minutes where I was and what I was doing. So long as she was also settled doing something that worked for quite a while. If I could not let her know what I was doing (cleaning out the fridge) I asked someone to phone and talk to her. I think they just get scared sometimes and that makes them angry.