Mom is understandably angry about shower assistance

MrsAnnabelLee

It's been clear for a while now that my Mom who lives in MC needs help showering. She believes that she showers herself every day, and maybe she stands in the shower or something, but she is not washing herself. Yesterday, she received her first assisted shower and she is absolutely irate today. I totally understand her anger and she is entitled to her emotions. My mom was a very high powered professional who never had to answer to anyone in her line of work, so to be in this position is a complete 180 from how she sees herself. That said, she needs to stay clean and this assistance is the only way that will happen.

Any tips on helping her work through these emotions? The other problem is this is now feeding into delusions about other staff. She has misidentified the woman who bathed her and has directed her anger at the wrong person and basically become suspicious of everyone as a result. 

I just feel so bad that she's going through all this and I don't know how to help, if I can help.

towhee

From what you describe, your mom might be past "working thru the emotion". I am afraid that you might think you have her less upset, but an hour later she will be angry again and have totally forgotten that you talked to her. I recommend that you read a short article called "Understanding the dementia experience". It is available for free online. Look in the section about memory, for  "emotionally mediated memory". I think you'll probably need to talk to the MC staff about changing the approach for the shower, probably with some fiblets involved. You do not want this to snowball to the point where they have to use medication. Other postors should be along tomorrow with some better ideas.

harshedbuzz

Depending on your mom's personality, one approach might be to pose the shower as "her helping the nurse learn to bathe patients". 

For dad, who avoided soap and water like it was his job and who, like your mom thought he was showering daily, telling him they needed to be in the room with him for Medicare safety rules. Initially, my mom would do his shower in the MCF (Odd because he wouldn't allow this at home, but when it was them or me?- he relented) and over a couple weeks he got used to the routine.

My friend's mom complained bitterly about showers with the HHAs that came to her house to help with mom. My friend was still working and the aide would do the showers in the am while my friend was out of the house. Her mom not only adapted to the routine- which, frankly, shocked me- she had a strong preference for the one woman who "really got the job done".

Michael Ellenbogen

I think before one can make recommendations but one needs to know all the steps they take from begging to end on there approach. That is the issue of how one does this.

jfkoc

It does depend on the approach and it can take a lot of creativity.

Saying that it is a Medicare rule for someone to be in the bathroom could be very validating.

Asking if they would help them learn how to shower a person puts your mother in a win situation.

Unfortunately training is lacking in many areas. You might Google Teepa Snow / bathing and see if you can "politely" share the info.

kmasen_act2

Check out Teepa Snow on YouTube. She's another Dementia Practitioner and travels the country doing trainings. She does one that demonstrates a "hand over hand" technique so that it doesn't seem to your mother that strangers are bathing her. If the caregivers use the technique, it seems to the resident that it's the resident showering the resident and not the staff showering her.