Virgil how are you?

French

It is in the subject. Thinking to you and wondering if everything is ok for you wife.

loveskitties

Thank you French for starting this thread.

I too have been wondering how Virgil is doing and if his DW is adjusting to her new location.

Wishing both of them the best, and you too French.

abc123

Hello French! I’ve been thinking of you and Virgil. How are things going with you?

I hope Virgil checks in soon.

Mint

Ttt

abc123

Ttt

abc123

Has anyone heard from Virgil?

French

No news good news (pas de nouvelles, bonnes nouvelles). I hope So. 

 I don’t know if it can be said also in English. 

Ed1937

I think Virgil might be taking some time off here. I've been watching this thread, and I hope he posts soon.

Virgil61

Hi All - Thanks for the post/concern.  Mr. Ed is right, I needed a little time.  It was one month ago today that I dropped her off at the MC facility.  I spent this last month in a fog and just tended to chores and such.  I am adjusting to being alone but don't like it.  I will continue working a lot until I get everything sorted out, house sold, etc.  Then I don't know what I'll do or where I'll go.  I saw her for the first time last Sat.  She was upset at first (hugged me for about 5 minutes) and expected to leave MC with me or for me to stay with her there.  It took about an hour to get past that and the next hour was good.  She then said "bye" and left with the girl that was her escort (it was almost EXACTLY like the final scene of the lady in MC in the movie "What They Had").  I went back out to the truck and sat for a while realizing that after the many chapters we have had that "we" were in the final one.  

I think most of us live a small percentage of our life in the past (reflecting on life lessons and such) as well as the future (planning ahead to make decisions that will affect tomorrow) with the majority of our life lived in the present of course.  My wife ONLY lives in the present.   She has no thoughts of our kids, grandkids, the life we created, nothing.  That said,  the staff tells me that she talks about me always.  Why only me?  I am figuring that this will change in time - probably already is changing.  

I will see her again this Sat.  I am taking her out of the facility and for a countryside drive and a picnic lunch - one of the kids may meet us for a visit too.  Hope to spend about 4-5 hours with her.

I am coming to terms with this: It simply is the way it is and it's no one's fault.  And, I have to live with myself after this all plays out (and it will play out).  I want to do my very best for her.  

This forum has been great.  Your comments and stories have been invaluable.   I'm sorry that y'all have had to deal with the dementia issues but I appreciate you sharing your stories with me very much.

French

Virgil,  thank you for the news

M1

Yes very glad to hear from you.  Hard to believe it's been a month already.

Emily 123

Thank you for the update Virgil.  Sounds like you are doing  well.  I hope you have a nice outing. Best wishes.

Ed1937

Virgil61 wrote:

I will see her again this Sat.  I am taking her out of the facility and for a countryside drive and a picnic lunch

This sounds nice, Virgil. I hope you both enjoy it, Thanks for the update.

Doityourselfer

Wishing you the best in your journey.

Buggsroo

Virgil, your wife seems to be in excellent hands. I hope you can reconnect with your family more and still have nice visits with your wife. Change is hard, Baby steps I guess.

Vitruvius

Virgil61

I appreciate your coming back to tell how it went. I need to learn from others who are on this path. I followed your posts in particular as we are right behind you it seems.  In your original first post you cited a list of behaviors of your DW that largely mirrored those of mine.

I have been reading this forum for over a year and have relied heavily on it to guide the caregiving of my DW.  Hearing how others have managed has been very important for me. Especially when someone embarks on a difficult decision like you have I very much want to hear how it went so that I may be more prepared when I have to make a similar decision. So thank you for coming back and relating how it’s going. 

Virgil61

Hi - Good post Vitru.  I think the posts I read are both all similar and all a bit different.   I have had old folks in my family with dementia and now my wife and there is a BIG difference.  It was SO MUCH EASIER when it was not her.  One of the differences was that when a mother or grandparent had it, not only did I not have the level of care to see to (although I know some do), I had my wife to commiserate with.  So, if you feel that your situation is similar to mine, you will likely find you have TWO issues ultimately;  what to do with her and what to do with you.  I worked very hard these last years to get her into the best "situation" I could - I think I've done that (she now has daily activities, is always with people [which she likes], and is now "pleasantly confused" as she has new friends that are also).  Now, I'm tasked with what to do with me.  You probably already have experienced some of this since your wife started becoming "less present".  It is more daunting when she is not present at all.  I should have prepared for being alone better - I'm not sure which is worse, going to bed at night or waking up in the morning without her here or the waking moments between.  No more "pillow talk" for us.  So Mister, hope these words add to your insight.  Also hope you do better than me on your journey!