Please give me comfort

Donjalar

Hello,

My mom has underlying dementia which has not been officially diagnosed.  She has repetiveness when she talks about things, and circles the conversation back to things we already talked about moments ago. My issue is that she has always been a difficult personality to try get her way. I don't know if this is still playing a part and does this so I give her what she wants. She recently fell and went to a Nursing home rehab. I want to keep her there long term. The problem is she has always stressed to me that she does not want to live in a N.H. Her and I both wanted to try Assisted living but now she does not want to move again,  after I got assistedinvolved. She would be placed on a second floor of the facility  and does not want that. Please, no matter how much she wants a place of her own, I need comfort that long term care is the best option. On my own here.

Stuck in the middle

I doubt any one wants to live in a NH, so that really isn't an issue.  Neither is the second floor thing - I sleep on the second floor every night, so what?  The issue is, can she take care of herself well enough to live independently?  If not, you have no real choice.

harshedbuzz

Donjalar-

Personality can persist well into the end stages of the disease. My dad had a challenging personality; he likely had some sort of Bi-Polar (as per his geripsych) with just enough sociopathy to keep it interesting. He and I never got along. I would say that the edges to his personality remained until about a month before he died for complications of aspiration pneumonia.

I think it's important to recognize that your mom likely has some degree of anosognosia and is unable to recognize that she's had a cognitive shift. This, along with poor executive function from the disease means she can not be reasoned with. You aren't going to get permission or her blessing for a move, so it's best to stop discussing it with her.

Assuming you have the legal paperwork to do so, I would move her into a AL for MC or MCF when it is time to be discharged. While it would be convenient to "move upstairs", I'd tour a couple facilities to make sure you find the best fit as she could be there a long time. Medical transport could do the transfer for you. 

You might find a fiblet useful here. Perhaps she needs to stay at this new "senior apartment" while the house is treated for termites or the sewer line to the street is being repaired. Or maybe her doctor has ordered "more rehab at this fancy facilty" until you're stronger.

HB

Iris L.

It is very important that you understand anosognosia, it will make things clearer to you.  

Iris

Donjalar

Thank you for the post, it was very helpful and comforting because i already do some of the fiblet and feel guilty.

jfkoc

It is really important to have a diagnosis following current protocol ( you can google this). You want to be very certain to rule out things that are easy treated.