Father diagnosed with frontal lobe dementia

SophK

Hi Everyone,

I am the daughter of a father recently diagnosed with frontal lobe dementia at age 67. I am really just starting to try and learn ways to cope with this all after the initial shock. Hence me joining this site and community Ever since my dad's diagnosis, and even before when I knew something was very wrong, I have felt so incredibly lost. I really don't even know where to start and just need to put "pen to paper" right now. So thanks so much for listening.

It seems like it has been a downward spiral in so many ways for my dad and my family the past few years. Losing my grandmom to lung cancer, then losing my grandpop suddenly within the same year to a hip shot that traveled to his spine. Then due to covid my dad lost the pizza shop he has owned/ran for 35 years, the main means of income for my family. On top of all of that, noticing the signs of my dad's mental state get progressively worse was the icing on top of the massive sh-- cake.

It was very hard seeing the signs of dementia within my dad that led to his official diagnosis a few months ago. My dad has always been the unwavering source of strength in my family. Getting lost while driving to simple places (I'm talking hours out of the way). Repeating himself constantly, caring less about his diet and hygiene, depression, oxycodone abuse, legally losing his ability to drive due to doctor recommendation. He is really kind of just a shell of who he once was and it is becoming painfully harder and harder to have a meaningful conversation with him anymore. As I am just starting my life at 28, with hopes to get married and start a family of my own in the next few years, it pains me beyond words to think my dad may not be able to really BE there for it all.

I have a very strong relationship with my mom and siblings, but all of this has taken such a toll on us. Especially my mom who was the main caregiver to my gmom before she passed, then had to deal with the sudden death of her dad soon after. And now she is jumping into a caretaker role for my dad while also trying to find work since my dad lost his shop and really is not mentally capable of holding a job anymore. When has she had even a moment to stop and process all of this? Or focus on herself even one bit?

I appreciate and love her till the ends of the earth, but I do see her patience wearing super thin when it comes to my dad. I think she is mentally drained from the past few years. The majority of times she will approach situations with my dad in a very confrontational way and it leads to no resolution since my dad is not really in his right mind in a lot of ways and really needs to be met with a calm demeanor.

It just leaves me here feeling lost and very alone. How do I support my dad and make him feel safe and loved during this awful time? How do I support my mom both with taking care of my dad and with being there emotionally for her? How do I be the strong older sister for my younger sister when all I want to do is break down? How do I get the mental.suppirt I need to get through all this?

And how the hell do I do all of the above and focus on a life and job of my own? Seems really impossible right now.

But I know that each day I will learn more and understand how I can get through this. Any tips and words of kindness and encouragement are welcomed and so needed right now. Thank you for reading