Caregiver Selfcare

HeartOnSleeve2210

Hello! I would love a small piece of advice. As I've mentioned on here before, I am a caregiver for my Grandfather with ES AD, nothing too advanced yet, so I'm not really a full time caregiver yet, but I do manage medications, I help with laundry, do the driving, and help with cooking and cleaning. My biggest problem I've found is that, I do enjoy spending time with my grandparents, but I have also read that self care and time for one's self is very important for caregivers. But I myself have an anxiety disorder that is being managed, however I worry intensely about leaving my grandparents at the house. My grandmother is still in her right mind, and gets around well and has no cognitive problems that I have been made aware of, so I'm sure she'll manage my Grandfather fine because he mostly struggles with his short term memory. How ever, I just can't help but worry about leaving them be for a few hours. How do you all manage taking care of your loved ones, while balancing out time for yourselves?

Stuck in the middle

Talk to yourself.  Tell yourself that your grandmother is a competent adult who can call you if small problems arise, and can call 911 if big problems arise.  Then go out and have fun.  Don't use them as an excuse to give in to your anxiety.

kmasen_act2

He's in capable hands, so there's nothing to worry about.

MimiMinder

I get where you are coming from about wanting to be there for your grandparents and also needing to take care of yourself and manage your anxiety. My suggestion would be to start with a small break from the home where you can experience time away, but not much time that it would ramp up your anxiety. Maybe a walk/drive to a nearby park where you could sit or journal or meditate or stretch. Possibly a cup of coffee or treat at a local cafe. Maybe go to a worship service - or whatever it is that would fill you up spiritually or emotionally.

If you are able to get away for a little bit in a manner that felt good to you, it might reap benefits for you and also for your grandmother. It would let her be fully in charge for a period of time, knowing that you would be returning soon.

If any medical things have been neglected (eye exam, annual check up, etc.), those items also fall into my self care bucket. You have to take good care of yourself so you can be there for others.

Good luck on your self care journey!

LongBee2021

My suggestion would be to try to adopt the mindset of "there isn't a problem, until there's a problem." I am my dad's full time caretaker since January 2021 and for 10 years prior to that I moved in with him to help him manage his household and finances. Since he fell in January 2021 and has since gotten weaker and the dementia more advanced, there's been a lot of worry and anxiety of what has happened as well as what could happen. I have only reached this mindset after 9 months of absolute hell, so I know this will take time for you to get to this perspective. I have safety proofed the house. I have his medications down. I have a caretaker for when I am not home. He has all the safety and medical equipment there is. There is nothing more I can do except wait for the next change. I take care of him as best as I can, but the reality is, he will fall again, his brain will continue to deteriorate, he will (most likely) lose ability to walk within the next 6 months. Only horrible things are ahead of us and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I can only make him as comfortable as I can. Try not to think of the what ifs and just focus on the day. Once I stopped worrying about next week, next month, next year, and only focused on the day at hand, some anxiety was relieved. I also have a therapist that I speak with at least once a week. However you are managing your anxiety, keep doing that, and perhaps look into other and/or more ways to manage it. You will need a new bag of tricks to get through this season of life. Since one of them is still in their right mind, I would say there's not too much to worry about as of now. Focus on the day and even use this relatively calm time to figure out what you will need to do and/or get to help both you and them in the near future. The more you take care of now before it gets crazy, the easier it will be.

HeartOnSleeve2210

LongBee2021

Thank you for that advice! My Father tells me all the time not to worry about the future, and I find that I am worrying about the future less and less. Maybe it's because of the state of the world these days, but I am making sure that I enjoy this time I get with my Grandfather while he is still, for the most part, himself. At worst, his short term memory has been affected, and my Grandmother helps tremendously. I have seen a therapist before, it's just a matter of finding another one now. I'll get to a point in my life where I just enjoy each day one at a time like you!