Update to placement

JoseyWales

A month ago I said I'd made the decision to place DH. I thought I'd share an update to it all. Beware - it's long!

The first week I called a ton of care homes. Several didn't take Medicaid for their memory units. Scratch them. Two didn't even want to talk to me. "He's not a good fit". All I told was that he had Alzheimer's and was 57. I've discovered that the rumor about homes not wanting "younger" men is true. Several others I talked to or drove by I just didn't like for a variety of reasons. I did find one willing to take DH (at least initially, he hasn't gone through their entire process). It's about 35 minutes from home, which is pretty close in my rural area. I've toured - it's clean, residents look well taken care of, no smells, friendly staff. So, I guess I made that decision. However they don't have an open bed right now. Not really a wait list, but it will be at least 6 weeks. That's ok. 

A month ago DH had just had an increase in some of his meds, and I think that is what was causing several of the increased behaviors and lack of sleep. I took him off those meds 3 weeks ago. His walk returned to normal (he was shuffling), and his alertness increased. A lot. But the sleep didn't return. I experimented with over-the-counter sleep meds, with some success.

Then 2 weeks ago he started complaining about pain, shuffling steps returned, he was slumped over and then fell. Twice. I packed him in the car and we went to the ER. Of course he can't tell me where it hurts or what's the problem. All kinds of tests were run, he was dehydrated. They gave him fluids through an IV.

He was better for about 2 days, then the "pain" returned along with the slumped shoulder and shuffling steps. And whimpers. I figure out it's back pain. We go to the urgent care - muscle relaxers and steroids.

A week later and there's problems with constipation. He has a BM, things are better for 2 days. Then things stopped flowing again. Another trip to the ER early this morning. Yep, constipation. I guess his entire large intestine was filled. He never complained about pain until this morning. In the ER I asked the doctor, "Was this an ER worthy trip?" He said yes, things wouldn't get moving on their own without their help. I said something to the effect of it's so hard to know when the person can't tell you anything. At that point he called me a saint. I'm going to wear that as a badge of honor for the rest of the day. 

So things are moving again. He's been on the toilet umpteen times, but no accidents. He's so much more alert right now that it's a crazy difference. 

On both ER trips and the trip to the urgent care, I've discovered how rare it must be to be this young with dementia. Tons of questions from all the nurses and doctors, and the comment "He's so young!" each time. Yep. He's way too young for this.

I'm glad I hadn't committed to placement just yet. Sleep has improved because DH wants to go to bed at 8. I get to sleep by 9, and then even when we're up an hour or two in the middle of the night I'm getting enough sleep to manage the last 2 weeks. Of course Tylenol PM was helping that, and with the constipation I can't give him pain killers for a while. I'll move on to another sleep aid. If taking him off the medication and now having solved the pain issues get him back somewhat, we can manage a while more at home.

If you've read this far, you need an award.

LadyTexan

Thank you for the update Josey. You are such a caring and courageous care giver. You inspire me.

How did the ER "get things moving" when your DH was constipated?

JoseyWales

I'm not that inspiring in the middle of the night when DH says he has to go to the bathroom, I get him to sit down and then he pops back up without even trying to do anything. Several times in a row. 

Hospital gave him another IV with fluids, and then told me exactly what medications to use. It was all OTC stuff, but I would have never given him as much as they told me to. They didn't actually get anything going, except pump him full of fluids to help the process. I am still battling getting him to drink enough, which may have contributed to the problem. And the meds for his back pain. The doctor said that it could have all been piling up in there for several weeks.  EEK!

Ed1937

To say you've been busy would be an understatement. Yes, EO has it's own set of problems, and you all deserve places in heaven. I'm glad it has finally become a little better, and I hope it continues.

Iris L.

Constipation and hard stools can indeed cause pain in the abdomen, pelvis and/or back.  There are a variety of preventatives and treatments.  I use a daily small cup of prune juice and that helps me.

I have taken two of my older neighbors to the ER for constipation that had developed into impaction.  Enemas were needed--the old-fashioned ones.  The hard stool needs to be lubricated.  

Iris