I've given up all expectations

Doby

DH's delusions and paranoia resurfaced over the weekend after taking a short hiatus. He said a man was looking into our living room window and tried to come in our front door on Saturday night. He ranted all day yesterday about how he's going to shoot these men and call the police, etc etc. He is angry at me because I don't do anything about it. He also suspects that I'm involved and that I'm having an affair with one or more of them. Last night he yelled "you're an idiot!" at me, waking me up, and when I asked what he was talking about he said that I had given one of these men our 401K information. He said he knows I did because the man was taunting him by holding up a piece of paper showing our account information.

Yes, I know he needs serious help but he has early onset and I'm having a really hard time getting him the help he needs. I'm trying to get him in to see a gerontologist but it is taking forever because she has to make an exception to see him due to his age. I'm waiting for a referral from his current GP. I'm hoping that once we get in to see the gerontologist she'll be able to refer him to the geri psych in her practice without him actually suspecting that she thinks he needs a geri psych!

I've given up all expectations when it comes to his behavior. If one good thing has come out of this it's the fact that I'm developing patience and a very thick skin.

Happy Monday!

Pooh Bear

Can someone tell me how to start a new thread on this spouse or partner caregiver forum??

I have an issue I need help with but none of the topics seem to cover this particular question?

loveskitties

Pooh Bear,  near the top of the page is a green box which says add post.  Click there and the window will come up for you to insert topic and one for you to type in your issue.

June45

Pooh Bear wrote:

Can someone tell me how to start a new thread on this spouse or partner caregiver forum??

I have an issue I need help with but none of the topics seem to cover this particular question?

Log in to your account and click the green Add Topic button (see red arrow). Fill in the subject line, etc. and when you are through writing your post, click Post.

P.S. I did this in a computer browser, not my smart phone.

June45

Pooh Bear wrote:

Can someone tell me how to start a new thread on this spouse or partner caregiver forum??

I have an issue I need help with but none of the topics seem to cover this particular question?

When you are on the main Spouse or Partner Caregiver Forum page (or the Caregiver Forum page), click the green Add Topic button (see red arrow). Fill in the subject line and type your post.  When finished, click the Post button.

Pooh Bear

Thank you, Loveskitties.

Joe C.

Doby, I would suggest trying to get an appointment with a neurologist while you are waiting on the gerontologist, maybe you could get in a little quicker. The neurologist could prescribed meds to deal with the delusions.

storycrafter

A gp or family doctor should also be able to help with meds until you can get in to see a specialist. Our pcp immediately prescribed very helpful medication to carry us over.

Doby

Hi Joe. For some reason my DH's neurologist says that he doesn't prescribe these types of medications. So, we went to DH's PCP who is actually a Nurse Practitioner, and he doesn't prescribe them either! If this gerontologist doesn't work out then I think we'll need to find a physician who is willing to prescribe something for the delusions. We don't have the best health care options in my area.

aod326

Hi Doby. I said the very same - one good side effect of going through this is that my patience really improved! Actually since DH's death in April this year, I have noticed my patience going back to its pre-dementia level, so I need to practice more.

We had the same challenge. DH's neurologist was happy to prescribe seroquel, but only to a certain dosage, then he said he needed to see a geriatric psychiatrist. (All done by telemed visits by the way.) As DH was 59, it was  impossible to find anyone who would see him. DH's progression was quite fast and, by the time I finally had an appointment arranged, he went into MC and treatment was taken care of there. (Sorry, I know that's not helpful to you.)

Is the neurologist part of a group practice? If so, maybe it's worth asking if any of the other neurologists would prescribe? Long shot perhaps.

Good luck - it's exhausting.

Doby

Hi aod.

Thanks for your post. So DH called me this morning at work and told me that the men were in our house again last night and that they had put up a banner in our bedroom that said "Happy Birthday!" I asked him where the banner was now and of course he couldn't answer the question. He is so agitated and stressed and he isn't sleeping. And, to make matters worse, he thinks that I'm somehow involved with these fictitious men.

I just submitted a message to our nurse practitioner to ask him to PLEASE prescribe something for the delusions. If he can't then I will keep pushing until I find someone who will. I may pursue the neurologist practice option you mentioned. 

I will continue being a squeaky wheel until this is resolved!

markus8174

Doby- As much as I played the "this supplement is going to help" game, it really didn't do much to improve my beloved's cognition. I realized I was having unrealistic goals and needed to not so much lower but change my expectations. Nothing was going to slow my loved one's deterioration, but if I could make her less anxious, sad and angry, and willing to cooperate in changing her incontinence protection I would be able to manager her care at home longer and help her to be less tortured by an unhappy emotional state. Hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, angry outbursts, can certainly be treated by a GP. If your PCP is unwilling then I would look for another. Eventually my wife was on the Alzheimer's meds as well as 2 antidepressants, and a tranquilizer/antipsychotic as needed for the rough days. It was still hard, but I don't think she would have been able to stay in our home for the last year and a half without proper medication. If not a gerontologist,a geri-psychiatrist could help a lot if he would go.

Doby

Thanks Markus. The PCP just submitted a prescription for Seroquel so hopefully it will provide some relief. I agree with you that my focus should be more on quality of life for my DH rather than trying to find a miracle supplement. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Joe C.

Doby, It take about 3 to 4 weeks for the seroquil to really start to work but in our case I started to see improvement after about 2 weeks. The first few doses you give your husband may make him really drowsy but my wife adjust to the drowsiness fairly quickly.

Mbcfir

Is gesturing and expressing thoughts typical of dementia mid stage? This behavior is something new for my DH.

Rescue mom

Doby I just noticed you mentioned working. Is your DH alone at home? If he has these delusions and sees an actual person—a bypasser or worker—have you thought about what could happen? Or if he just runs away in fear or anger?

Iris L.

Doby wrote:

DH's delusions and paranoia resurfaced over the weekend after taking a short hiatus. He said a man was looking into our living room window and tried to come in our front door on Saturday night. 

PWDs often do not recognize their own reflections in mirrors or windows and may think that a stranger is staring back at them.  Cover all mirrors and keep the windows covered.  Avoid television, they may think the images are really happening to them.

Iris