Help! I’m Forgetting Too!

LorettaP

It’s been approx 6 months since my husband’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis. It seems that I am forgetting too! Trying to remember all of his “stuff” (banking, paying his bills, doctor appointments, household chores, etc.), is overwhelming at times. But even when I’m not around him, I am forgetting things! I don’t have the best memory anyway. I realize stress can cause this, but it’s been happening a lot! Has anyone else experienced this?

ElaineD

Hi Loretta,

I know what you mean, except I've always been in charge of all the financial stuff.  My stress is more that my husband likes clutter and I can no longer tidy up after him!

I began to realize that DH was in early Mild Cognitive Impairment in 2019, and by last year I was really worried that I was losing my memory, too!

I even went for neuropsychological testing (4 hours) just to find out.  It turns out my memory is fine, tho' I have some normal slow down in 'verbal recall' (pulling a word or fact out of memory in conversation).  I'm 79.

But it's as if the memory stuff is contagious!  Well, the stress is a big part, AND so is the raised awareness of the issue of memory.

Part of my problem is that my DH is MY caretaker.  So I won't be able to help him once he needs any physical help, and he won't be able to cook, shop, drive, do the laundry and help me with my walker and stuff.  So once he can't help me we'll both move into Assisted Living together, I guess.

Right now we're in Independent Living, which is very nice for me.

Keep us posted!

ElaineD

Ed1937

I frequently have trouble thinking of a word that I use in everyday conversation. Sometimes when writing a reply to a post, I'll stop in the middle of a sentence until I can think of the word I'm looking for, or a different way of getting my point across. Other than that, I think I'm doing pretty well. I think it's age related.

Hal42

Hello Loretta,

  Your post/question could have been written by me in that I have the same problems. I, too, had to take over all household chores, appts, banking, etc. Yes, I find my memory isn’t what it used to be. I blame it on three things: stress, aging process (I’m 79) and not getting out and socializing with others. I can’t do anything about my growing older but I am working on lessening the stress and trying to figure out how to get out and meet with people. 

aod326

Hi Loretta. I expect the stress is responsible for this, and the overall emotional sadness and worry. You said yourself, it can feel overwhelming. I've read that it's very common for caregivers of PWD to worry that they're also going down the dementia route when they notice memory issues. But, it's most likely that you're noticing these things way more than you other wise would.

I'd suggest the usual tips: get out for a walk when you can, try even 30 seconds of deep breathing, try mindfulness or meditation exercises. Plus, don't forget the value of lists to keep you on track!

Remember that you're not just stressed because of the things you're doing, it's also because of what you're feeling. Allow yourself time to grieve the relationship you'd expected to have with your fairly new husband. 

Good luck - and restful breathing.

Arrowhead

I think many of us experienced the same thing. I know I have. Here are some things to consider:

Forgetting where you parked your car may be age related. Forgetting that you have a car may not be.

Forgetting why you entered a room but then remembering may be age related. Forgetting why you entered a room and not remembering later may not be.

Forgetting where you put your glasses may be age related. Forgetting that you wear glasses may not be.

Forgetting your child’s birthday may be age related. Forgetting that you have a child may not be.

Forgetting to take your medicine may be age related. Forgetting that you have medicine to take may not be.

Not remembering a coworker’s name may be age related. Not remembering a coworker at all may not be.

Forgetting your anniversary may be age related. Forgetting that you’re married may not be.

If you realize that you’ve forgot something, especially if you remember it later, it’s probably nothing to be alarmed about.

Stuck in the middle

I was always absent-minded.  I don't forget, I just don't know where my car is because I didn't pay attention when I parked.  That causes more trouble now because I have no one to remind me.  And I have the affairs of three adults to manage, which means more distraction and more things to keep track of.  So, I have had to become much more organized.  I have to use memory joggers and calendars, or I won't get anything done.  

On the other hand, not looking at the aisle markers at the mall parking lot when I park gives me motivation to take a long, meandering walk when I want the car to go home.

Rescue mom

My therapist gave me a list very similar to arrowhead.

LorettaP

Arrowhead: Thank you for the list. It made me feel better!

Gig Harbor

Unless I get out or talk to a friend on the phone I have no meaningful conversation with my husband. I have noticed that it is sometimes a challenge to have in-depth conversations with others. I have lots of conversations with myself so I need up the quality.

sandwichone123

Memory can be thought of as a filing system. When you put the first files in there, it's really easy to pull them out again, but the more files you get in there, the harder it is to find any one file, like a specific word. When you were a kid, for instance, you found the word "big," and that filled the bill, but now you've remembered "big" and "huge", but you're reaching for "gargantuan" and it's frustrating that it takes so long to find it.