Questions and Divergence

Lemonwood

How do you respond to the same questions over and over again?  I’ve tried diverting but she wants the answer and when I give it, it seems to trigger another popular question.  The questions usually send us down a rabbit hole of things that are in the past that are not comforting to her.  If I make up a fiblet to get her focused more positive, like Dad is on a trip (not passed away) she seems to know on some level that this is not true and calls me on it.

She is in assisted living and when I visit she is much more focused on the here and now and happy.  Neither the staff nor I can seem to get her to join activities or eat in the dining room.  We are into the third week and this all takes time, but I guess I just want to do the right things to set her up for success.  

Suggestions are very welcome!

harshedbuzz

Lemonwood-

I saw your other post where you mentioned her Korsakoff's diagnosis. My dad had Korsakoff's and Alzheimer's. His nephew died from complications of Korsakoff's in his 50's. And my sister likely had it secondary to HIV/AIDS before she died.

What you are describing in terms of preseveration is very typical of my dad and sister where they'd get stuck on a topic- almost always one with negative emotions attached- and refuse to let it go. Early on, when the Korsakoff's was more advanced than the Alzheimer's dad had a sense he'd forgotten a great deal and spent a lot of emotional energy trying to recoup what was lost. Hence the questions. 

The usual advice around dementia is the fiblet and redirect for unpleasant stuff. Another strategy to to come up with a stock scripted answer to deliver to the question every time you hear it keeping in mind that, for her, it's the first she's asked. Others like to mix it up and challenge themselves to coming up with novel answers or ways to answer the same question as a means to maintain their own sanity. Whatever works better for you.

It took a while before dad's Alzheimer's was pronounced enough for fiblets to be a workable. He constantly asked after my late sister. For a time she was like Schrodinger's Cat- in his mind- potentially both dead and alive in the same conversation. It's hard to answer the question when it's couched with "she's dead, isn't she?"

Early on, the best strategy to questions about dead people was to use them as a segue to retell a positive story about the person. I think for my dad, he feared losing his favorite child. Telling him a cute story satisfied a need to have a memory of her in the moment. Over time, when he was more impaired, I was able to use fiblets and redirection successfully. 

We had trouble getting dad engaged in activities at his MCF. He did enjoy the music activities. Sometimes I planned my visit to coincide with those. I often brought lunch and escorted him to the dining room to eat it. His DON used to leave him invitations to attend music programming a few times a week. The DON was a youngish man and dad assumed he was a doctor, so he was more willing to give the stuff a chance. 

HB

Lemonwood

Thank you for your suggestions and insight.  I like the idea of diverting with a good story to help her feel safe.