Stages of Grief

Kenzie56

I talked to my PCP the other day about MY good days and bad days caring for DH. Some days I don't mind being the caregiver and other days I feel anger, frustration and sadness.  I blamed myself and thought it was exhaustion or intolerance on my part. She told me something that I have not heard before and has helped me to feel less guilty when I experience negative emotions. She said that I should reread the stages of grief. Even though my DH of 43 years is still at home, I lost him when he was diagnosed with moderate stage mixed dementia. She said if/when I decide to place him in MC, I will probably experience another type of loss and may go through the stages in a different way. When he passes, I will lose him a 3rd time, but my journey through the stages of grief may be the same or could be different in that I may feel a sense of relief. I never thought about experiencing grief three different times for the same person, but after reading the stages, I can see that my good days/bad days may just be stages and accepting that, I do not feel so guilty because it is normal, not just my vulnerability. We are human and being a caregiver for PWD is an unbelievable challenge. Just thought her advice may be helpful. What do you think? Here is a link (can't make it hot, sorry):

https://www.vitas.com/family-and-caregiver-support/grief-and-bereavement/what-is-grief/alzheimers-and-the-five-stages-of-grief 

anneleigh

Thank you Kenzie

jfkoc

Goo information.

I think we experience grief all along the way. Loses bring on grief and if you place your husband you will sort of lose your  job too. 

When my husband died I realized that not only I lost him I also lost my job and was left not only being alone but not knowing what to do. It was very strange.

mrl

Dear Kenzie,

Please hang in there...today is my 44th anniversary and I sit here sobbing. I lost DH last

July-trust me Stage 8 is unbearable. I read grief books everyday......

Bless you,

Michele

alzsarah2

I understand that explanation. My father died of Alzheimer's in 1996 and my mother wrote a poem about how she lost him long before he died. Now I am dealing with probable AD with my husband and it's losing him in bits and pieces. And this is just early stage! We are having such a frustrating experience trying to get him fully evaluated! I am having good days/ bad days. Sometimes I am able to be so patient, and other days I lose it with him. Then I get so angry at myself for not being better at caregiving. It's a roller coaster of emotions.

Kenzie56

Thank you Army_Vet, that site is very helpful and gives me more insight. I do see many symptoms on the list that I am experiencing.

Lynne D

Helpful indeed. A caregiver’s grief is not just for the loved one. We have lost partners, freedom, companionship, a future we planned on, sleep, peace, money, friends, careers…

DrinaJGB

I was stuck in denial an danger stages for years it seems. It was only until I met he acceptance stage that I learned to go with the flow and not really expect anything other than getting through the day.

Now I go about the day as always but without much anger. Oh, I get frustrated for sure, but have learned to redirect it into a task such as my garden or my dogs. (Or-at times I simply go outside in privacy and scream defiantly-- not to anyone but to the disease itself-- "You will OT take me down, you a**hole!!"

  It is what it is. One of the most surprising things that's happened is I stopped biting my nails down to the quick until they bled. I now have nice manicured hands---something else this disease robbed from me for a full decade.