Update on respite

David J

Hi all, 

Well, my wife has been in respite care for over a week, I’ve had my hernia surgery, and we both are doing very well. It was the right thing to place her a week in advance, as it allowed me time to get everything in line for the procedure, and to get several nights of good sleep. If anyone else needs to place an LO in respite so you can get health care, I recommend giving yourself this time. 

I visited my wife in the MCF the day before my procedure, and it went very well. I went for two hours, including lunch. Her behavior was as it had been described to me by the staff: adapting well, very calm, eating very well. During the visit we did have some weeping. She seemed to go in and out of realization of her situation; she would cry, and then stop and be happy. No crying during lunch, though. She enjoys the food there. She tried to follow me out the door, and as I closed it behind me, I heard a staff member offering her a cookie. Always worked good for me as a distraction. 

My wife likes to walk, and the MCF is set up well for this with both inside and outside walking opportunities. A big circular hallway with 4 wings allows a lot of walk areas inside, and a paved walkway all around the back of the building for outside walks. The whole place seems very secure. 

All in all, I am happy that she is being cared for so well. Definitely better than I was doing. I really need to evaluate whether I can step up at the end of respite and bring her home, or whether she and I would be better off if she stayed. 

I’ll let you all know in three weeks, the end of the minimum respite stay. 

Thank you all for the good wishes pre-op; they worked!

Dave

jfkoc

Thank you for the  update and the advice about early placement.

M1

Glad to hear it Dave, on all fronts.  Keep us posted.

Ed1937

That's great news, David. I hope things continue to go well for both of you.

abc123

Dave, it’s nice to know that things are going well for you both!

janeymack

It sounds like your plan was quite successful, and it was smart of you to get those nights of good, sound sleep in advance of your surgery. Now you can heal; mind, body, and soul.

Cynbar

Thank you for the insight on starting respite a little early, to give you time to prepare for surgery. I wish now I had done this, I sent DH to respite when I had hip surgery (a great idea, worked out very well) but I dropped him off the day before surgery. I can see now how beneficial the extra time in advance would have been for me.  I hope others will follow that advice.

Stuck in the middle

Thank you, I will remember your advice.  I didn't need respite when I had surgery in early 2020, but I will next time.

dayn2nite2

Please give serious thought to, if she seems to be doing well, having her stay on.  Surgery takes a lot out of us (I know I had a very minor surgery a few months ago and I was shocked at how exhausted I was while recovering, sure not like 20 years ago!

The ability for her to walk and be supervised whenever she needs to do that, for her to have balanced meals and lots of well-rested staff is a "if it ain't broke don't fix it" thing.  I'd leave well enough alone and return to the role of caring husband advocate if you possibly can.

French

Thank you for the update Dave, and I am glad that everything went well for both of you.

I also enjoy my respite a lot. I sleep 9 hours per night !

Lynne D

Hi Dave,

I appreciate your sharing your story and insights. I am glad it is going well!