New to Alz Caregiving

Carol.T

I am in the process of moving my girlfriend from Fresno, CA to Rochester, NY. I'm driving out to get her and pack what we can in a small trailer. In the process of finding an apartment, getting her into PACE and Medicaid, opening a pooled trust account, etc. It's a lot. I am truly at peace with the decision. She is in the middle of moderate. 

Conversations are like a merry-go-round. Same topic goes around and comes back. I make her laugh every day when we talk to diffuse her depression about being stuck in Fresno for 2 years after some surgery right before the COVID lockdown. She was living in Mexico for the past 5 years. Her daughter brought her to Fresno for the surgery. Her daughter lives in Sweden.

I am new to caregiving and the Alz. Assoc. My brother-in-law also has moderate AD here in town, so will be helping there, too.

I moved home to Rochester in 2019 and made it on time to have unexpected surgery followed by the Lockdown. I'm now relearning Rochester, finding old friends, and looking for new ones. I'll be at the Walk on Saturday as a volunteer and walking at least part of the track. If you are from Rochester, come find me!

Arrowhead

It looks like you’re going to have your hands full. It’s hard enough helping someone who lives in your home. I can’t imagine doing it from so far apart. Even though you’re not looking for advice at this time, I decided to answer so that you will know that there will always be someone on this form who understands and cares.

loveskitties

Carol,

I wish you luck, but it seems you are taking on a lot in a short period of time.

Do you have a plan in place for when your friend is no longer able to live alone in an apartment?  You don't mention her age but if this is EO that can often progress at a faster pace than other forms of dementia.

How much hands on care do you anticipate giving to her and your BIL?

Ed1937

Welcome to the forum. Whenever you feel like posting, you'll likely find someone around here. I hope things go smoothly for you. Just don't take on too much. Your health counts too.

Cynbar

Glad that you have found us here, these boards are full of caregivers who, amongst us, have seen and dealt with almost everything. It is so good of you to help your friend who sounds like doesn't have any involved family. I'll just mention a couple things to keep in mind. Dementia patients can change very quickly, so it's always best to have a Plan B ready. Now is the time to investigate options like day care, private caregivers, and facilities at different levels. Too many people wait until there's crisis, and then have to make decisions very quickly. Also, you'll want to keep a close eye on how things are going in that apartment, as people with dementia often function less well than they appear to visitors. Watch closely for signs that she can keep up with her hygiene, eat properly, and isn't losing money to scammers or charities or robo callers. There are a lot of pitfalls out there, but your vigilance from the beginning will work to keep your friend safe.

ElaineD

Welcome Carol.T,

Wow, you have a lot going on!  Your girlfriend is very lucky.

Rochester is beautiful and the winters can be brutal: both the snow and the lake effect gloom.  YOU know that, but it may be a shock to someone coming from Mexico by way of Fresno, to say the least.

You have come through so much and are so willing and able to handle what's ahead, Carol.

Love, elained

Paris20

Welcome back to upstate NY. I’m not in Rochester but in the Finger Lakes area, about two hours away. These boards can be a lifesaver to those of us who are caregivers to LOs whose disease has no cure. What we do get here is support, empathy, and advice. I come here every day. I hope you join us often. Meanwhile, enjoy the fall colors. We’re a couple of weeks behind because of all the summer rain but if you’ve been in California, you’ll probably enjoy some rain.

Carol.T

Thanks to everyone for their answers. I will be asking questions when I get back from California. 

No worries about the weather. She and I met here in a bowling league in the 60s. We've been friends for over 50 years. I grew up here. I can't wait for the snow to start! 

Carol

Spanky77

Hi,

The whole process is so difficult. I am new here, too, and have already felt support, kindness, and encouragement from this organization. . Take time out for you. It’s a lot. My prayers are with you. 

Spanky